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Alrighty... so upon starting HL2: Episode One (which itself was a pain in the neck), I finally Start a New Game, tell it to start...
I am presented with the title screen, then I start seeing lots of swirling rubble fly past me, then a couple of big pieces, then the screen with Dr. Breen on it (all of this is utterly silent, I dunno if that is the way it's meant to be). Eventually the Breen Screen gets far away and fades away... and the swirling rubble continues. Endlessly. I've let that thing sit there for ten minutes, it keeps going. Something tells me this is now how the game is meant to be played...