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The emergency services are trained to cope with a wide range of emergency situations, but if a terrorist attack happens, they'll be so snowed under with calls they won't have a clue what to do. So, you'll have to deal with it yourself.

* Reduce fire hazards in your home. Children are the worst fire hazards; consider giving them up for adoption.

* Fit and maintain smoke alarms - at least one on every floor. But if they go off every time you cook bacon, like ours do, just take the batteries out.

* Most fire deaths and injuries occur while people are sleeping. Plan an escape route should a fire break out at night. Here's a hint: throw your children out of the window FIRST, then follow.

* If there is a fire, get out, stay out and call 999. Not necessarily in that order, though.

* Never use the lift. As if you have a lift in your house. Tell you what, though, if you have one of those Stannah Stairlifts? You're screwed.

* If moving or trapped in smoke stay close to the floor where the air is cleaner. While you're there, do some hoovering by putting your mouth to the floor and sucking.

* If a door feels hot, do not open it, as it probably means there is a hot hot disco party on the other side.


hehe some of it is quite funny
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