J
Joeyslucky22
Guest
All you up northerners der' hey, canada, wisconsin, whatever, whomever gets falling white pests of frozen rain (snow) knows that shoveling sidewalks is either a joy... Or a complete pain in the ass.
In my case... It was a pain in the balls.
Mother: "Joe could you go outside and shovel?"
Me: "mom theres only like.. an inch on the ground it'll all be gone tomorow no doubt"
Mother: "If you dont do it i'll have to go and do it myself. God you kids are just so lazy sometimes"
Me: "Fine... god.." (behind breath) '...ass... lazy? i'm not lazy! I just enjoy spending my time with the sheer briliance and beauty games have brought into my life'
So i got all ready, you know the whole, its -10° so dress up, and headed out into the dark cold abyss.. aka my front yard.
I hate shoveling... theres an inch of 'powder' snow on the ground, one run with the shovel aughta do this pretty damn well.
Starting from my drive way (I live on a corner of 2 streets, so i get doubletime sidewalk coverage) to the end of the sidewalk, holding onto the shovel i run across, watching as the metal beast seperated the snow, as moses did to the red sea.
I made it to the corner! alright, 10 more minutes and i can get my ass back inside! hooah!
*dashing through the snow... in a one horse open slei--*BAM!!***
....the wooden end of the shovel digs right between my 2 precious diamonds, my pecker almost dives into itself, and I could feel a twisting,... painful.. sensation...
I fell to the ground... in tears, speachless, my neck could feel the pulse in my body... my face is half in the snow...
that, f*c*in' hurt...
...sidewalks arn't all level... i knew that but I had forgotten. Walking fast and shoveling a white, invisble sidewalk.... its basically a death wish.
Please, dont be a Joe
Use these steps to prevent this from happening to you:
1. NEVER run. Walk slowly and cautiously.
2. NEVER attempt to shovel at an 80° or higher. Try to keep your shovel at a 50° to 60° angle.
3. NEVER run with the end of a shovel near your "data distributor". Keep the end near your thigh, incase of emergency, nothing will be lost.
In case of an emergency, follow these steps:
1. STOP! If you followed the 3rd step above, your thigh will be the only thing affected. stop, and lift the shovel, move it forward about an inch, and continue to shovel.
2. Incase you have failed to follow the 3rd step above, do not panic! You will be in intense pain, but for releif, grab a handful of any nearby snow, and pack it close to the injury.
3. If there are any bystanders, ask for help! Incase you need medical attention.
For all you bastards who dont get any of this stuff
Be happy....
I'd rather be out swimming right now... or in a nice.. hot.. hot tub... man... that'd sure ease the pain..
hey look! I just pissed blood....
....Sidewalks suck....
In my case... It was a pain in the balls.
Mother: "Joe could you go outside and shovel?"
Me: "mom theres only like.. an inch on the ground it'll all be gone tomorow no doubt"
Mother: "If you dont do it i'll have to go and do it myself. God you kids are just so lazy sometimes"
Me: "Fine... god.." (behind breath) '...ass... lazy? i'm not lazy! I just enjoy spending my time with the sheer briliance and beauty games have brought into my life'
So i got all ready, you know the whole, its -10° so dress up, and headed out into the dark cold abyss.. aka my front yard.
I hate shoveling... theres an inch of 'powder' snow on the ground, one run with the shovel aughta do this pretty damn well.
Starting from my drive way (I live on a corner of 2 streets, so i get doubletime sidewalk coverage) to the end of the sidewalk, holding onto the shovel i run across, watching as the metal beast seperated the snow, as moses did to the red sea.
I made it to the corner! alright, 10 more minutes and i can get my ass back inside! hooah!
*dashing through the snow... in a one horse open slei--*BAM!!***
....the wooden end of the shovel digs right between my 2 precious diamonds, my pecker almost dives into itself, and I could feel a twisting,... painful.. sensation...
I fell to the ground... in tears, speachless, my neck could feel the pulse in my body... my face is half in the snow...
that, f*c*in' hurt...
...sidewalks arn't all level... i knew that but I had forgotten. Walking fast and shoveling a white, invisble sidewalk.... its basically a death wish.
Please, dont be a Joe
Use these steps to prevent this from happening to you:
1. NEVER run. Walk slowly and cautiously.
2. NEVER attempt to shovel at an 80° or higher. Try to keep your shovel at a 50° to 60° angle.
3. NEVER run with the end of a shovel near your "data distributor". Keep the end near your thigh, incase of emergency, nothing will be lost.
In case of an emergency, follow these steps:
1. STOP! If you followed the 3rd step above, your thigh will be the only thing affected. stop, and lift the shovel, move it forward about an inch, and continue to shovel.
2. Incase you have failed to follow the 3rd step above, do not panic! You will be in intense pain, but for releif, grab a handful of any nearby snow, and pack it close to the injury.
3. If there are any bystanders, ask for help! Incase you need medical attention.
For all you bastards who dont get any of this stuff
Be happy....
I'd rather be out swimming right now... or in a nice.. hot.. hot tub... man... that'd sure ease the pain..
hey look! I just pissed blood....
....Sidewalks suck....
