So, am I crazy?

[DreamThrall]

Let me preface this by saying that I'm not coming to an online forum for marital advice. I'm looking for perspective from other people that are in serious relationships who can put themselves into my shoes and tell me how they would feel. That said:

My wife and I have been married for just over 3 years now. We have a pretty good relationship - not perfect, but what relationship is? One of my wife's passions is stage acting. She's was in her high school's drama club all 4 years she was there, has acted, directed, stage managed, you name it. She was planning on going to school for stage acting until we got married - we're in Louisiana now, and you can imagine there isn't much in the way of schools with drama programs.

However, in the last year, her university has started a drama club, which she is a very active member of, obviously. They've already done one play, which she co-starred in, and she was wonderful. This coming spring, there is another play, which the director has said she picked specifically for my wife - there is one female lead. This is the kind of thing my wife has dreamed of for years. The only issue is, it is a love story - there will be stage kisses, romatic moments, etc.

Now, I am not normally an overly jealous or needy guy. In fact, I pride myself on being fairly laid back. I can't even put a finger on why I feel the way I do - but just thinking about her kissing someone else makes me physically ill. I am starting to feel naucious right now just typing this. I hate that I feel this way, but I can't control it. It's not like I'm worried about things like "what if he's a better kisser than me/what if my wife falls in love with him or crushes on him, etc etc" - that's not even remotely part of this. Thinking about it affects me on a physical level that I can not mentally or emotionally control.

I'm not completely sure that my wife understands this to the extent she needs to. I've explained it to her using pretty much the same words I am using here, but each time I think I've explained it more thoroughly she says something like "why can't you just be happy for me?". That's not the point though. I am thrilled for her, and very happy that someone in a position like the director's though she was good enough an actress to do something like this. But that's not the issue here. I want more than anything for her to be able to do this play. But I really don't know how I would react seeing her kiss someone else, or even knowing that she was kissing someone else.

Thoughts?

 

[Sulkdodds]

You're a-crazy!

Nah seriously, I can see why you'd be worried but unless there really is cause for concern and unless your wife really is prone to being unfaithful you should just be more laid back about it. But then, at 16, I'm not really in a position to offer you advice. :E

 

[Ennui]

I understand where you're coming from but I think you probably need to let her go ahead and do it.

 

[DreamThrall]

I can see why you'd be worried but unless there really is cause for concern and unless your wife really is prone to being unfaithful

That's not the point. I'm not worried about anything. Its just that thinking about the situation makes me feel sick.

 

[JNightshade]

Just make sure you see this from her point of view. Understand it's what she wants to do, and the romantic parts mean nothing. That's really all you can do. It's hard, I suppose, but that's life.

 

[Reaktor4]

Just make sure you see this from her point of view. Understand it's what she wants to do, and the romantic parts mean nothing. That's really all you can do. It's hard, I suppose, but that's life.

i agree.
on a side note, i once had a girlfriend who made me kiss her friend. i have no idea why.

 

[Hectic Glenn]

I can relate for my relationship which is only 7 months old, but i feel ill thinking about this too. I don't think your crazy, we get possessive of our females and we want them to ourselves. I'd be in exactly the same spot you are in right now if it were me, so no, i think your pretty sane.

Perhaps if you explained your problem by telling her how much it effects you (making you feel sick) and that its not you dampening her enthusiasm for acting, but the fact you love her that much, which is true i believe?

This is a tricky situation, its really made me think for myself if i was in the same boat. Obviously you can't stop her, and you wouldn't im sure, but maybe if you asked her to explain it out to yourself to make it easier for you, so she understands you are genuinely trying to work this out in your head. Good luck with it.

 

[Raz]

Just bite the bullet and be happy for your wife.

 

[Qonfused]

I'm not married but I think you're overracting. I can see where you're coming from -- I mean, another guy kissing my woman, acting or not? Pfft. Just grit and bear it, I guess. But with her responding "why can't you just be happy for me?" isn't helping the situation at all.

 

[Ren.182]

I think you're pretty much sane. Imagining my girlfriend kissing some other guy. Makes me feel sick and really sad too. But thats me...

If i was in your situation. I'd just let her go ahead and let her do it. Let her live her dream. Trust me, you'll still come out as number one.

 

[Shamrock]

Crazy ftw!

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

Hey man shit happens. Too young to understand this shit even, but you should give it a go, and not worry about it. What the **** am I talking about again?

 

[destrukt]

you're crazy, in the sense that you're asking for help about something like this on an internet forum.

 

[destrukt]

i think the forum jsut exploded, i have like 7 of my own posts and i just hit 'post quick reply' ..

edit: ok, it's back to normal; weird !

 

[DreamThrall]

you're crazy, in the sense that you're asking for help about something like this on an internet forum.

You're crazy, in that you ignored the entire first paragraph of my original post:

Let me preface this by saying that I'm not coming to an online forum for marital advice. I'm looking for perspective from other people that are in serious relationships who can put themselves into my shoes and tell me how the[sic] would feel.

 

[kaf11]

ive done some serious acting for student films and ill let you know how it is. whenever youre doing any type of scene, its 100% professional. it has to be. you completely disregard any feelings you yourself have and get involved with the character. whenever i'm infront of the camera doing lines im not myself. for an actress such as herself, im sure its the same. there is no way she is even thinking about that other actor regardless of what type of scene she is doing. i know its hard to understand, but there is absolutely nothing going through her head other than how her character is feeling at any given moment.

 

[Stigmata]

I know EXACTLY the feeling you're experiencing, unlike many of the other members here

I get a similar feeling when I think about addictive drugs. Hell, I nearly passed out during high-school health class a couple of years back. I don't know why, but even the thought of someone taking drugs, specifically injected drugs like heroin, makes me feel ill and light-headed.

I think the only way around things like this is to think about it a little at a time. Just get yourself used to the idea, and the sight, of someone doing what you can't stand to imagine. Start small, and start short, maybe think about it for two seconds, then immediately focus on something else. Over time, increase the intensity and length of time of these situations that you imagine, and chances are it may just do the trick.

Or you can try and emotionally remove yourself from the situation, but that might not work very well.

 

[destrukt]

hah, i didn't ignore it, you're coming here for help about how you/others would feel, looking for reassurance or w/e, i simply made a joke.

 

[WaterMelon34]

Tell her exactly how you feel... after the play.

 

[SubKamran]

Let me preface this by saying that I'm not coming to an online forum for marital advice. I'm looking for perspective from other people that are in serious relationships who can put themselves into my shoes and tell me how they would feel. That said:

My wife and I have been married for just over 3 years now. We have a pretty good relationship - not perfect, but what relationship is? One of my wife's passions is stage acting. She's was in her high school's drama club all 4 years she was there, has acted, directed, stage managed, you name it. She was planning on going to school for stage acting until we got married - we're in Louisiana now, and you can imagine there isn't much in the way of schools with drama programs.

However, in the last year, her university has started a drama club, which she is a very active member of, obviously. They've already done one play, which she co-starred in, and she was wonderful. This coming spring, there is another play, which the director has said she picked specifically for my wife - there is one female lead. This is the kind of thing my wife has dreamed of for years. The only issue is, it is a love story - there will be stage kisses, romatic moments, etc.

Now, I am not normally an overly jealous or needy guy. In fact, I pride myself on being fairly laid back. I can't even put a finger on why I feel the way I do - but just thinking about her kissing someone else makes me physically ill. I am starting to feel naucious right now just typing this. I hate that I feel this way, but I can't control it. It's not like I'm worried about things like "what if he's a better kisser than me/what if my wife falls in love with him or crushes on him, etc etc" - that's not even remotely part of this. Thinking about it affects me on a physical level that I can not mentally or emotionally control.

I'm not completely sure that my wife understands this to the extent she needs to. I've explained it to her using pretty much the same words I am using here, but each time I think I've explained it more thoroughly she says something like "why can't you just be happy for me?". That's not the point though. I am thrilled for her, and very happy that someone in a position like the director's though she was good enough an actress to do something like this. But that's not the issue here. I want more than anything for her to be able to do this play. But I really don't know how I would react seeing her kiss someone else, or even knowing that she was kissing someone else.

Thoughts?

I know how you feel, believe me, I do. When I think about it... my stomach turns inside out...

However, my difference is that I am not married yet and she's not even my "girlfriend" so to speak. So I will say this:

Because she is your wife, and I suppose you married her because you trust her, and as Sulkdodds said, if she's not prone to cheating, then why worry about it? Tell her that she owes you two kisses for every kiss she has to give in rehearsals

But honestly... if it was me, I really wouldn't mind... I'd probably make a joke out of it and be like, "Heh, well I get the good stuff "

You should worry if:

1. Your wife isn't trustworthy.
2. Your wife isn't loyal.
3. The guy is really hot.

Kidding about the third. But seriously... 1 & 2 are the only reasons to worry; and if you feel that she isn't either of those, then don't worry about it. Realize that she married you because she loves you and she's not just going to turn to some dude at a play she's in. In fact, I would bet you anything she won't really even think of him until doing the play, and they'll kiss enough it'll become routine... the difference is that when she kisses you, it's with passion, with the actor, it's what she has to do. There is no passion, no love.

Even better, what if the guy she has to do it is married also? So that should erase any imaginative thoughts you have about her eloping.