A
akaryu
Guest
this is my first attemped at writing anything and i decided to do a story based around people who excaped from black mesa. there on the run from some goverment agency to cover up the whole alien thing. i decided to to tell there story from black mesa all the way up to the seven hour war then if things go good ill write another just about the war and maybe more. i will be hoping for feedback good or bad is welcome. i also took libertys on the timeline of events if you know for shure i get it wrong tell me and i may make adjustments to my story i hope you will like.
heres the beggining of my book just a rough draft lots of spelling errors
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man sits alone in his dark living room the only light was from the tv now on mute. suddenly an image flashes across the screen and the man sits bolt upright shocked at what he see's he un mutes the tv and listens to the news caster. in today's news the research lab known as black mesa has had a catastrofic accident goverment officials at the seen said that a reactor in the main complex over loaded then blew up wich caused unkown error's through out the complex killing almost every person working that day the amount of survivors is unknown at this time other than this information the goverment agents had nothing else to say about the incedent. in even stranger news wich may have something to do with the black mesa incedent wierd storms have appeard over the complex and we are now getting reports that these same strange storms have started to appear all over the world wether these are random coincedences or tied together somehow we have no further info at this time. at that point the man turned off the tv and sobbed quietly in the darkness his daughter worked at black mesa right near the main reactor so he new she couldent have survived. he cryed for about an hour then went to his bedroom heart broken he had already lost his wife to lung cancer wich he felt the blame for since right up till she was diagnosed he had been a smoker but he quit as soon as he found out but it was to severe and she passed six months later now six years later he finds out his daughter was killed he felt he couldnt get no lower. thinking about there deaths for a half hour he gets off his bed goes to his closet and pulls out his 45 colt puts one round in it and goes back to his put the barrel to his temple and struggles to pull the trigger then works up the courage he needs to pull the trigger but just then the phone rings.why now he yells into the darkness but he picks up the phone hello he says half heartedly daddy its me christine a little voice says at the other end of line. the man hearing his daughter's voice start crying again. oh christine i seen the accident on the news the reactor blowing up i thought you were dead. daddy she says im in trouble the goverment is after me and the other survivorsi cant say why now but can you meet us at the old abandoned warehouse near our favorite spot and take your old truck thers alot of us.ok baby im leaving now and im bringing my gun. but dad click the man hangs up the phone he knows the goverment and even though his daughter doesnt like the fact he has the gun he kept it knowing the world can be dangerous he found that out the hard way when working for the very same goverment now hunting his daughter taking no chances he grabs the boxes of shells in his closet as well as his shotgun and ammo for that as well. thinking the goverment might be watching his place he turns off all the lights then suddenly out his windows he sees a little red light out in front of his house stupid rookie mistake lighting up a cig while staking someone out he thinks to him self siiting down he waits ten minutes before going out the back window to his truck hoping anyone watching would think he went to bed. thanking god it was pitch black out and that the city still hasnt come to fix the only light on the street where he lives. and to think he would always bitch when the city said they would come and fix it but now he thanks them for being to lazy and being the religous type thinks to himself every thing happins for a reason and god wanted him to save his daughter. after pushing his truck for five minutes he turns the couner leading to the main road and gets in and starts his truck. hoping that would be far enough away from his house that the men watchin it wouldnt hear his old truck backfire when starting it. now he wishes he had givin it the overhaul when he had the chance but after five minutes of driving and no other cars in sight he felt safe. ten minutes later he arrived at the warehouse not knowing where she was he didnt feel safe honking the horn but then out the corner of his eye he noticed the big door was open just enough for the truck to fit through he pulled his truck inside and waited for a minute or two then he heard whos there james thomas he says into the darkness. then suddenly he knocked to the ground when looked up he realized it was his daughter who was that he said to her oh that was billy hes a scientist or was a scientist at black mesa now that its gone he no longer works there. i prefear bill if you dont mind she always calls me billy and i keep telling her to call me bill but your her father so you know how stubborn she can be. bill you only have it half right even as a girl she tryed to tell me what to do and even now she look's after me with out her i dont know what id do. daddy your embaracing me enough with the life story and lets go ill entroduce every one on the way christine sad. ok fine no more embaricing storys baby but where are we going james said. idont know daddy i thought you have worked that out on the way here. im sorry christine he said but i was so worried about you and trying to make sure i wasnt followd i didnt think about anything else. well daddy lets just get out of town and you can think of somewhere to go. fine every one in james said then to his amazment he watched five more people come over and somehow get into the truck. the people who couldnt fit in the cab laid down in the back end and coverd up whith an old tarp to hide themselves. twenty minutes later james his daughter and six other people whom james had never met befor pulled out on to an old dirt road a mile from the city he figured this road would be the safest way to go.---- please give me your feedback on this thanks
heres the beggining of my book just a rough draft lots of spelling errors
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man sits alone in his dark living room the only light was from the tv now on mute. suddenly an image flashes across the screen and the man sits bolt upright shocked at what he see's he un mutes the tv and listens to the news caster. in today's news the research lab known as black mesa has had a catastrofic accident goverment officials at the seen said that a reactor in the main complex over loaded then blew up wich caused unkown error's through out the complex killing almost every person working that day the amount of survivors is unknown at this time other than this information the goverment agents had nothing else to say about the incedent. in even stranger news wich may have something to do with the black mesa incedent wierd storms have appeard over the complex and we are now getting reports that these same strange storms have started to appear all over the world wether these are random coincedences or tied together somehow we have no further info at this time. at that point the man turned off the tv and sobbed quietly in the darkness his daughter worked at black mesa right near the main reactor so he new she couldent have survived. he cryed for about an hour then went to his bedroom heart broken he had already lost his wife to lung cancer wich he felt the blame for since right up till she was diagnosed he had been a smoker but he quit as soon as he found out but it was to severe and she passed six months later now six years later he finds out his daughter was killed he felt he couldnt get no lower. thinking about there deaths for a half hour he gets off his bed goes to his closet and pulls out his 45 colt puts one round in it and goes back to his put the barrel to his temple and struggles to pull the trigger then works up the courage he needs to pull the trigger but just then the phone rings.why now he yells into the darkness but he picks up the phone hello he says half heartedly daddy its me christine a little voice says at the other end of line. the man hearing his daughter's voice start crying again. oh christine i seen the accident on the news the reactor blowing up i thought you were dead. daddy she says im in trouble the goverment is after me and the other survivorsi cant say why now but can you meet us at the old abandoned warehouse near our favorite spot and take your old truck thers alot of us.ok baby im leaving now and im bringing my gun. but dad click the man hangs up the phone he knows the goverment and even though his daughter doesnt like the fact he has the gun he kept it knowing the world can be dangerous he found that out the hard way when working for the very same goverment now hunting his daughter taking no chances he grabs the boxes of shells in his closet as well as his shotgun and ammo for that as well. thinking the goverment might be watching his place he turns off all the lights then suddenly out his windows he sees a little red light out in front of his house stupid rookie mistake lighting up a cig while staking someone out he thinks to him self siiting down he waits ten minutes before going out the back window to his truck hoping anyone watching would think he went to bed. thanking god it was pitch black out and that the city still hasnt come to fix the only light on the street where he lives. and to think he would always bitch when the city said they would come and fix it but now he thanks them for being to lazy and being the religous type thinks to himself every thing happins for a reason and god wanted him to save his daughter. after pushing his truck for five minutes he turns the couner leading to the main road and gets in and starts his truck. hoping that would be far enough away from his house that the men watchin it wouldnt hear his old truck backfire when starting it. now he wishes he had givin it the overhaul when he had the chance but after five minutes of driving and no other cars in sight he felt safe. ten minutes later he arrived at the warehouse not knowing where she was he didnt feel safe honking the horn but then out the corner of his eye he noticed the big door was open just enough for the truck to fit through he pulled his truck inside and waited for a minute or two then he heard whos there james thomas he says into the darkness. then suddenly he knocked to the ground when looked up he realized it was his daughter who was that he said to her oh that was billy hes a scientist or was a scientist at black mesa now that its gone he no longer works there. i prefear bill if you dont mind she always calls me billy and i keep telling her to call me bill but your her father so you know how stubborn she can be. bill you only have it half right even as a girl she tryed to tell me what to do and even now she look's after me with out her i dont know what id do. daddy your embaracing me enough with the life story and lets go ill entroduce every one on the way christine sad. ok fine no more embaricing storys baby but where are we going james said. idont know daddy i thought you have worked that out on the way here. im sorry christine he said but i was so worried about you and trying to make sure i wasnt followd i didnt think about anything else. well daddy lets just get out of town and you can think of somewhere to go. fine every one in james said then to his amazment he watched five more people come over and somehow get into the truck. the people who couldnt fit in the cab laid down in the back end and coverd up whith an old tarp to hide themselves. twenty minutes later james his daughter and six other people whom james had never met befor pulled out on to an old dirt road a mile from the city he figured this road would be the safest way to go.---- please give me your feedback on this thanks
Basic grammar is respected wherever you go. You don't want to look a fool just because it isn't your strong suit; practice makes perfect, like with everything. Personally, I'm more of a writer than an artist; writing comes naturally to me while drawing does not, so I practice hard to be a better artist because that's not my natural talent. 
