Mr.Reak
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Your most favorite poster ever, me of course, is leaving this forum. My ego is too big for my avatar, so read WHY I will leave.
I came across that fortuneteller not long ago. She was a woman in her forties, buried under tons of different cloths, so only her face could be seen. Actually scratch that, and change it to one eye and big mole on her nose. Anyway, I was drank, I though John Titor was an asshole and well, I wanted to know my damn future.
“I will tell you about your life, but you must listen carefully to me, DON’T play with destiny or..”
That’s line right there, who talks like that in real life? I always wondered, is there a class for being a fortuneteller? Destiny… my destiny is sell shoes for the rest of my freaking life, there is no playing with it, or being careful.
“You have a girlfriend, who loves you very much. You guys are happy, you are on the road to the perfection, you are on the road to the utopia. You are…”
I wanted her to say “you are not you bank account” and burst into “the first rule” fiasco, while slowly touching her big mole on the nose. Sitting there, listening to her, I was wondering, if that mole is alive creature, different organism that eats her buggers away. Did it just move? I am sure it did, strange. I also never really knew, that I was that satisfied with my girlfriend, she had a crazy family after all, and small breasts.
“You will marry, after both of you finish college and find stable work, get small apartment in the middle of San Francisco…”
San Francisco? I don’t want to stay in this gay infested city for so long, or I can see myself taking it up my anal canal one day. It happens, things fall out, flip out, go in, and drop in, whatever.
“After 2 years of marriage, you will have two beautiful kids. A boy, and a girl, both gorgeous kids. Quite, which means they are listening to things you have to say, however…”
However… why does it always lead to the misery, it’s a word that prepares you for the biggest change in your life. When you hear it, you die a little inside, you know things won’t turn out the way they should have. I died a little inside… I died a lot…. I died so much, that I already could smell my organs reeking… slowly, I could feel butterflies in stomach turning into god damn birds, and crapping and crapping... so much shit, god, it will forever be in me.
“… however, her parents will dishonor her from the family, when they see your children. Because your skin is brown, and your girlfriend is Japanese, your kids will look like Philippine natives. Her parents hate Philippines, and all the people associated with them. For her parents they are slaves, they are scum of the world, and now two of them, slowly crawling out of their daughter’s vagina.”
Vagina and penis, two beautiful words. Sometimes I think I live to hear these words, but hearing her dad screaming about how he sees a poo coming out of Aya’s vagina, that was the best experience I had in years. I guess it’s easy to mistake poo with my children, because if they ever grow up like me, they will be worse than poo, much worse. Too bad they grew up to be total ****tards.
“You and your family will live happily for awhile, but you are getting tired of doing sports title for EA.”
EA, who the heck works in EA? Bunch of losers, idiots who like to be rewarded with lowest wages and creating another shitty-clone game, ala any sports titles. Apparently I was one of these mediocre game developers, about whom nobody gives a shit.
“Your son will grow up to be a total nerd, and will spend living in your basement for the next 28 years, until he drops dead over keyboard.”
Shocker right here, I will have a fat nerd for a son, who will die because he didn’t eat for the last four days. I think he just got so fat, that he couldn’t fit the doorway, and nobody gave shit if his smelly ass wasn’t here for a dinner. Who gives a rat ass anyway, I will sue game company, Rockstar that is, who made a game that killed my son. I didn’t, I was too lazy jerking off to the last episode of Buffy the vampire slayer.
“Your daughter will become crack-addicted whore at age 15, and will be labeled as slut in high school.”
So my daughter is a whore? At least she gets paid, girl knows how to work it. Too bad if I ever see her again at my house, I will bitch-slap her until her face won’t have any white skin left. Red is a good color.
“Your wife, growing tired of her children, because she is like her parents… total racist bastard. One day you will walk into the room and see her ****ing with your black mailman.”
Ever thought that your wife could cheat on you? I did, but heck, I needed explanation for that. I got one, my penis wasn’t big enough for her starched out vagina. Sorry, maybe you should stop putting everything you see in there. That sight made me racist to black people, forever.
I already knew what I would do, there was shotgun in a closet, that I bought for my middle age crises, to shoot off door-to-door salesmen. I took it out and shot him in the head, spreading his brain all over the walls, and well, my wife. You see, I always knew my wife was weird, but heck, I never knew she will get so horny after seeing blood on her body/walls. I didn’t know I was so ****ed up either, because we proceeded to have the hottest sex we ever had… It’s weird sure, but what can you do, I became old, fat and bald man, and my penis doesn’t listen to my commands anymore. His name is Bob by the way.
We buried mailman body in the backyard, but before that I cut off his penis, I decided to have collection of them, in my room. Something like predator and him collecting skulls, but with penises. Well, me and my psycho wife decided that it’s time for us to have fun like that everyday, we did it for an year, until police finally found out and we both ended up on the electric chair. I was aroused at that moment…. I died in happiness.
“Okay darling, now your life is total waste, so do everyone a favor and kill yourself, but don’t forget to give me all your money. Oh, also it’s $400 for today’s future telling. You sure are lucky, it’s 30% less then in other fortunetelling places.”
So yes, that was my future, that what fortuneteller told me, and that’s why I leaving this world, to stop my evil wife and me spreading EVIL through the land of the FREE. GOODBYE WORLD, I HATED YOU, ALWAYS!
P.S. If you think anything in this story is real, you should be banned from this forum. Also, this post created so I can tell everyone that I had sex, how cool am I, and also that I am not a looser, and I go party everyday with friends. I am also extra cool for smoking and drinking, and girl touched me today! YAY, AM I COOL YET, ON INTERNET?! Oh, also, if you think I will leave, ha, too bad, I won’t. So you are stuck with my cynical self venting on people and adding them to the list of STUPID.
I came across that fortuneteller not long ago. She was a woman in her forties, buried under tons of different cloths, so only her face could be seen. Actually scratch that, and change it to one eye and big mole on her nose. Anyway, I was drank, I though John Titor was an asshole and well, I wanted to know my damn future.
“I will tell you about your life, but you must listen carefully to me, DON’T play with destiny or..”
That’s line right there, who talks like that in real life? I always wondered, is there a class for being a fortuneteller? Destiny… my destiny is sell shoes for the rest of my freaking life, there is no playing with it, or being careful.
“You have a girlfriend, who loves you very much. You guys are happy, you are on the road to the perfection, you are on the road to the utopia. You are…”
I wanted her to say “you are not you bank account” and burst into “the first rule” fiasco, while slowly touching her big mole on the nose. Sitting there, listening to her, I was wondering, if that mole is alive creature, different organism that eats her buggers away. Did it just move? I am sure it did, strange. I also never really knew, that I was that satisfied with my girlfriend, she had a crazy family after all, and small breasts.
“You will marry, after both of you finish college and find stable work, get small apartment in the middle of San Francisco…”
San Francisco? I don’t want to stay in this gay infested city for so long, or I can see myself taking it up my anal canal one day. It happens, things fall out, flip out, go in, and drop in, whatever.
“After 2 years of marriage, you will have two beautiful kids. A boy, and a girl, both gorgeous kids. Quite, which means they are listening to things you have to say, however…”
However… why does it always lead to the misery, it’s a word that prepares you for the biggest change in your life. When you hear it, you die a little inside, you know things won’t turn out the way they should have. I died a little inside… I died a lot…. I died so much, that I already could smell my organs reeking… slowly, I could feel butterflies in stomach turning into god damn birds, and crapping and crapping... so much shit, god, it will forever be in me.
“… however, her parents will dishonor her from the family, when they see your children. Because your skin is brown, and your girlfriend is Japanese, your kids will look like Philippine natives. Her parents hate Philippines, and all the people associated with them. For her parents they are slaves, they are scum of the world, and now two of them, slowly crawling out of their daughter’s vagina.”
Vagina and penis, two beautiful words. Sometimes I think I live to hear these words, but hearing her dad screaming about how he sees a poo coming out of Aya’s vagina, that was the best experience I had in years. I guess it’s easy to mistake poo with my children, because if they ever grow up like me, they will be worse than poo, much worse. Too bad they grew up to be total ****tards.
“You and your family will live happily for awhile, but you are getting tired of doing sports title for EA.”
EA, who the heck works in EA? Bunch of losers, idiots who like to be rewarded with lowest wages and creating another shitty-clone game, ala any sports titles. Apparently I was one of these mediocre game developers, about whom nobody gives a shit.
“Your son will grow up to be a total nerd, and will spend living in your basement for the next 28 years, until he drops dead over keyboard.”
Shocker right here, I will have a fat nerd for a son, who will die because he didn’t eat for the last four days. I think he just got so fat, that he couldn’t fit the doorway, and nobody gave shit if his smelly ass wasn’t here for a dinner. Who gives a rat ass anyway, I will sue game company, Rockstar that is, who made a game that killed my son. I didn’t, I was too lazy jerking off to the last episode of Buffy the vampire slayer.
“Your daughter will become crack-addicted whore at age 15, and will be labeled as slut in high school.”
So my daughter is a whore? At least she gets paid, girl knows how to work it. Too bad if I ever see her again at my house, I will bitch-slap her until her face won’t have any white skin left. Red is a good color.
“Your wife, growing tired of her children, because she is like her parents… total racist bastard. One day you will walk into the room and see her ****ing with your black mailman.”
Ever thought that your wife could cheat on you? I did, but heck, I needed explanation for that. I got one, my penis wasn’t big enough for her starched out vagina. Sorry, maybe you should stop putting everything you see in there. That sight made me racist to black people, forever.
I already knew what I would do, there was shotgun in a closet, that I bought for my middle age crises, to shoot off door-to-door salesmen. I took it out and shot him in the head, spreading his brain all over the walls, and well, my wife. You see, I always knew my wife was weird, but heck, I never knew she will get so horny after seeing blood on her body/walls. I didn’t know I was so ****ed up either, because we proceeded to have the hottest sex we ever had… It’s weird sure, but what can you do, I became old, fat and bald man, and my penis doesn’t listen to my commands anymore. His name is Bob by the way.
We buried mailman body in the backyard, but before that I cut off his penis, I decided to have collection of them, in my room. Something like predator and him collecting skulls, but with penises. Well, me and my psycho wife decided that it’s time for us to have fun like that everyday, we did it for an year, until police finally found out and we both ended up on the electric chair. I was aroused at that moment…. I died in happiness.
“Okay darling, now your life is total waste, so do everyone a favor and kill yourself, but don’t forget to give me all your money. Oh, also it’s $400 for today’s future telling. You sure are lucky, it’s 30% less then in other fortunetelling places.”
So yes, that was my future, that what fortuneteller told me, and that’s why I leaving this world, to stop my evil wife and me spreading EVIL through the land of the FREE. GOODBYE WORLD, I HATED YOU, ALWAYS!
P.S. If you think anything in this story is real, you should be banned from this forum. Also, this post created so I can tell everyone that I had sex, how cool am I, and also that I am not a looser, and I go party everyday with friends. I am also extra cool for smoking and drinking, and girl touched me today! YAY, AM I COOL YET, ON INTERNET?! Oh, also, if you think I will leave, ha, too bad, I won’t. So you are stuck with my cynical self venting on people and adding them to the list of STUPID.
actually that entertained me much, I laughed out loud a many 
