Laziness

[Pesmerga]

I have a problem...I think.

I want to code my own mod for HL2. It's a simple run and gun mod, something I'd like to familiar myself with the coding process.

But then there's what I want, and what I want. I'm pulled apart by the wants that prevent me from coding. I've learned a little bit of C++, not enough to begin working on the mod.

I've devoted lots of time to C++, until I got to pointers/classes/structural OOP

And, I hate myself for it, I stopped. Because it got too difficult. Trust me, I'd like to tackle this thing inside out. But my mind refuses to work on something that I simply don't know for sure I can't master. I'm somewhat of a perfectionist, but that's not my problem. I'd like to find my own way, but I'm worrying that I'll get in such a rut that I'll be unable to even force myself into a position where I could improve my abilities.

I turned to the first page of the complex parts of C++ and I simply turned it down and closed it away, whence I started downloading BF2 Demo and been playing it ever since. Only since I've watched Batman Begins, (tonight) I really expressed my situation.

I'm not really writing this to you all, I'm writing it to myself. Yah you, bastard, lazy bastard. I have the book in my hands right now...but even if you told me to open it, I wouldn't. I refuse to continue. I refuse to challenge it, even though I've faced more difficult challenges. I know my problem, I know I'm crazy, but I can't settle my crazy tendancies (analogy btw).

Gaming has inspired me to develop something better, yet I've gone too far with the drug and abused it to the point where my mind wants nothing more, but I know I do.

 

[Vegeta897]

This is not uncommon. It's only natural. Don't worry about it. If you were meant to be a coder, you will get to it eventually.

 

[Pesmerga]

If you were meant to be a coder, you will get to it eventually.

Maybe that's what scares me the most. I fear... that I'm simply not meant for it, and no matter how many times I try and disprove fate-like rules, I fear they are indeed true.

 

[xLostx]

Ritalin could help you out.

 

[TheSomeone]

I draw a lot, and I figured instead of drawing naked women in my sketchbook every night (true story) I could make a flash animation. Everytime I open up flash, I start crying and then I go play BF2 (or CS: Source before the demo was out).

 

[CyberPitz]

I draw a lot, and I figured instead of drawing naked women in my sketchbook every night (true story) I could make a flash animation. Everytime I open up flash, I start crying and then I go play BF2 (or CS: Source before the demo was out).

what the hell? lol

Yeah, since I started playing games way back when..I thought about what i wanted to be when I grow up..nothing hit. Then I started being hardcore gamer, when StarCraft came out. Then I just wanted to create games! So me and my friend decided we would open a company to make our own games. Only difference now is, I'm going nowhere, and he is in college --;

 

[CrazyHarij]

Procastrination. Laziness. Anxiety. Frustration.

Man, there's so much of this in the creative field, and like you say it's seriously a threat to your potential.

I've been drawing for a few years and right now I'm getting into professional writing and music producing, it's all hell. But I think the reward is worth it, because when you keep pushing the limit and fighting laziness, or spending the little time you have on the subject, you improve alot and it's noticed over a period of time.

If you really want to get into coding, you should keep doing it and not let anything stop you. There'll be nights of frustration and hell, as with anything else, but after a period of time, perhaps a year, you'll say "Man, it was worth it.".

You shouldn't be afraid that you wouldn't be able to "master" it etc, that's something you ALWAYS will eventually do if you put effort in the subject. The mind is incredibly versatile and adaptive. Heck, we humans stand where we are simply because of our ability to learn.

Just keep your mind on the goal.