The Future of America!

[Sulkdodds]

Lately it was mentioned that a 17th-century English physician, scientist and philosopher named Thomas Browne had made some claims as to the future of the great nation of America. And my mention of this fact caused some to ask of me:

Sulk, what did Thomas Browne have to say about the USA?

What can I do but answer? Having been sent by a friend a copy of Nostradamus' predictions, Browne, laughing, made his own version, yet not "pointing at future things from a pretended spirit of Divination", but rather employing a power that he trusted more, as the author of the Pseudodoxia Epidemica - a kind of collection of corrections to misguided ideas and 'popular errors' in the conception of the world (eg that elpehants have no bones). He proceeded "with a very different kind of prediction...pointing at things not without all reason or probability of their events; not built upon fatal decrees, or inevitable designations, but upon conjectural foundations". Here is what he said.

When New England shall trouble New Spain.
When Jamaica shall be Lady of the Isles and the Main.
When Spain shall be in America hid,
And Mexico shall prove a Madrid.
When Mahomet's Ships on the Baltick shall ride,
And Turks shall labour to have Ports on that side,
When Africa shall no more sell out their Blacks
To make Slaves and Drudges to the American Tracts.
When Batavia the Old shall be contemn'd by the New.
When a new Drove of Tartars shall China subdue.
When America shall cease to send out its Treasure,
But employ it at home in American Pleasure.
When the new World shall the old invade,
Nor count them Lords but their Fellows in Trade.
When Men shall almost pass to Venice by Land,
Not in deep Water but from Sand to Sand.
When Nova Zembla shall be no stay
Unto those who pass to or from Cathay.
Then think strange things are come to light,
Where but few have had a foresight.

American Pleasure.

Now, Browne then goes on to explain each of his lines, elaborating on them.

When New England shall trouble New Spain.

that thriving Colony, which hath so much encreased in our days, and in the space of about fifty years, that they can, as they report, raise between twenty and thirty thousand men upon an exigency, shall in process of time become so advanced, as to be able to send forth Ships and Fleets, as to infest the American Spanish Ports and Maritime Dominions by depradations or assaults; for which attempts they are not like to be unprovided, as abounding in the Materials for Shipping, Oak and Firre. And when no length of time shall so far encrease that industrious people, that the neighbouring Country will not contain them, they will range still farther and be able, in time, to set forth great Armies, seek for new possessions, or make considerable and conjoined migrations, according to the custom of swarming Northern Nations; wherein it is not likely that they will move Northward, but toward the Southern and richer Countries, which are either in the Dominions or Frontiers of the Spaniards: and may not improbably erect new Dominions in places not yet thought of, and yet, for some Centuries, beyond their power or Ambition.

It's true! Has not America taken the state of Texas from the Mexicans, and warred in earlier days against Mexico, and latter days against many South and Central American countries like El Salvador? Furthermore, it's true that America's vast natural resources have helped it in the past. However, let's not be silly about this: Browne envisions a conventional model of imperial expansion and colonisation by America, which really hasn't exactly happened. "When that the neighbouring Country will not contain them", Browne says, but realistically America is huge and has never had problems with space. They've never invaded anywhere for lebensraum. Rather, its military expansionism into "southern and richer Countries" (quite right - they never bothered invading Canada) and "places not yet thought of" have been part of a new mode of imperialism, one based on cultural hegemony and, usually, the securing of trade rights for American companies. This latter reason, however, was not uncommon in Browne's day. The Anglo-Dutch wars which took place in the latter half of the 17th century were primarily instigated by the complaints of English merchants that the Dutch, by territorial control, were monopolising the rights of sea trade in the orient, and that their hegemony had to be broken in the interest of the English rich. So the mode in which Browne predicts American warmongering to take place may be somewhat distinct from the modern reality, but that reality actually had a precedent in his own time. Whether this means he was on the right track or whether it means he could have done better, I'm not sure.


When Jamaica shall be the Lady of the Isles and the Main.

That is, When that advantageous Island shall be well peopled, it may become so strong and potent as to over-power the neighbouring Isles, and also a part of the main Land, especially the Maritime parts. And already in their infancy they have given testimony of their power and courage in their bold attempts upon Campeche and Santa Martha; and in that notable attempt upon Panama on the Western side of America: especially considering this island is sufficiently large to contain a numerous people, of a Northern and warlike descent, addicted to martial affairs both by Sea and Land, and advantageously seated to infest their neighbours both of the Isles and the Continent, and like to be a receptacle for Colonies of the same originals from Barbadoes and the neighbour Isles.

Really? Really? No. The history of Jamaica is a placid one, of early domination by English slave-owners, great participation in the sugar trade, and then, with a few small revolts and unrests along the way, slow progression from total emancipiation to federation as part of the British Indies to full post-colonial independence and modern trading success. Let alone being full of "numerous people, of a Northern and warlike descent, addicted to martial affairs": Jamaica's population has always been mainly of southern descent, with 20 blacks for every 1 white, and has never invaded anywhere. Bad luck on this one, Browne.


When Spain shall be in America hid,
And Mexico shall prove a Madrid.

That is, When Spain, either by unexpected disasters, or continued emissions of people into America, which have already thinned the Country, shall be farther exhausted at home: or when, in the process of time, their Colonies shall grow by many accessions more than their Originals, then Mexico may become a Madrid, and as considerable in people, wealth and splendour; wherein that place is already so well advanced, that accounts scarce credible are given of it. and it is so advantageously seated, that, by Acapulco and other Ports on the South Sea, they may maintain a communication and commerce with the Indian Isles and Territories, and with China and Japan, and on this side, by Porto Belo and others, hold correspondence with Europe and Africa.

This is better. Although modern Spain is not exactly depopulated, it was already by Browne's time losing its empire, being dragged into way too many military conflicts; it got plagued, it lost Portugal and the Netherlands, and was eventually occupied by Napoleonic France (leading to the Peninsular War). Nowadays, Browne's prediction has some truth to it: Mexico City has a population of about 8 million 8 hundred to Madrid's 3 million, and Mexico itself just under 110 million to Spain's 46.


When Mahomet's Ships in the Baltick shall ride.

Of this we cannot be out of all fear; for, if the Turk should master Poland, he would be soon at this Sea. And from the odd constitution of the Polish Government, the divisions among themselves, jealousies between their Kingdom and Republick; vicinity of the Tartars, treachery of the Cossacks, and the method of Turkish Policy, to be at Peace with the Emperour of Germany when he is at War with the Poles, there may be cause to fear that this may come to pass. And then he would soon endeavour to have Ports upon that Sea, as not wanting Materials for Shipping. And, having a new acquist of stout and warlike men, may be a terrour unto the confiners of that Sea, and to Nations which now conceive themselves safe from such an Enemy.

So basically what you're saying is that the Ottoman Empire will occupy Poland and then go to naval war with the rest of Europe. Um. No. Really, no.

But wait - what's this?!? It's Lemonking! No - this is my microphone - get off the stage - owch! you devil! - I quite forbid it - oh ! - HA HA this is lemonking! let me tell you something guyz, tohmas (thats my name yay) brown was RIGHT. I'm not a racist, but weve got to speak the truth, Germany and all of Europe is being slowly invaded by Arabs. before I moved to Cali I would go out and feel as if i wasnt in my own country at all but some kind of ARAB nation, with too many of the miimigrating hey you asshole BROWNE WAS RIGHT, BROWNE WAS RIGHT, FREE EUROPE get off - yes, get off! take that! And stay out, you feak of nature. Go **** your clown mum! Ahem. Pardon me, ladies and gentlemen. Let us continue.


When Africa shall no more sell out their Blacks.

That is, When African countries shall no longer make it a common Trade to sell away their People to serve in the drudgery of American Plantations. And that may come to pass whenever they shall be well civilized, and acquainted with Arts and Affairs sufficient to employ people in their Countries: if also they should be converted to Christianity, but especially to Mahometism; for then they would never sell those of their Religion to be Slaves unto Christians.

This is surprisingly accurate. Indeed, the slave trade was eventually ended, and Africa fired with Christianity and Islam, both of which have a strong hold in various countries there today, and in fact which sometimes clash these days. The growth of African indpenedence and republic realises Browne's prediction of African nations employing their own people, engaging in their own trade, and generally conducting their own business. However, here are some unpleasant ironic possibilities here. Firstly, many African governments, especially the more corrupt of them, are heavily in the trade of selling out their own people, and the welfare of their people, to western interests. And secondly, nations with little agricultural base, such as China and especially nations of the Middle East, as well as multinational corporations that are mainly western, are all buying up millions of acres in African countries, conjuring a frightening vision of a future where the people there starve as food is transported from secure enclaves, guarded by the troops of foreign security companies, back to rich nations. The culture of crops for biofuel is already causing significant harm. Still, generally speaking, Tom's got it right.


When Batavia the Old shall be contemn'd by the New.
And a new Drove of Tartars shall China subdue.

These next two lines of his prophecy do not concern us, since they don't directly refer to America. They describe the independence of eastern colonies from Dutch rule and the constant, circular invasion of China (right). But then:


When America shall cease to send forth its Treasure,
But employ it at home for American Pleasure.

That is, When America shall be better civilized, new policied and divided between great Princes, it may come to pass that they will no longer suffer their Treasure of Gold and Silver to be sent out to maintain the Luxury of Europe and other parts: but rather employ it to their own advantages, in great Exploits and Undertakings, magnificent Structures, Wars or Expeditions of their own.

American Pleasure! Why isn't that phrase more famous? It sounds like a ringing, catchy description of all the fruits of the modern dreamy consumerism, with a hundred TV channels and a thousand flavours of ice-cream, that has predominated under the true-blue federalism of "divided...princes" and that has in Europe come to stand for a more luxurious type of life (with better televisions and more cars) than we mostly enjoy here. This is true civilisation. Indeed, America has "wars or expeditions" - to South and Central America, to Arabia, to Vietnam, even to Europe; yes, she has also had her "magnificent structures" on Capital Hill and Manhattan Island; and what more great "exploit", what greater "undertaking", than the journey of the USA itself, what Obama described as a 'great experiment', that of Democracy itself? Just as Browne predicted, it all began with the refusal of Americans to "suffer their treasure...to be sent out to maintain the luxury of Europe", and their tipping of tea into the Boston Harbour. Browne was right, and let us joining. America the brave, America the beautiful, America the buxom, we salute you.

What was that about Europe?

Oh yes:

When the new World shall the old invade.

That is, When America shall be so well peopled, civilized and divided into Kingdoms, they are like to have so little regard of their Origins, as to acknowledge no subjection unto them: they may also have a distinct commerce between themselves, or but independently with those of Europe, and may hostilely and pyratically assault them, even as the Greek and Roman Colonies after a long time dealt with their Original Countries.

Surely not. America has never coveted European territory; it's never been hostile towards us over here, and indeed in the 19th century Europe, the 'old world', was often thought of as an uncivilised backwater, where crazy wars and dumb dynasties continued to thrive in all their brute stupidity. That America will "acknowledge no subjection unto them [European nations]" - that much is certainly true. Indeed, witness America's scorn towards anti-war France and the UN. And that America has broken free of all old ties, and now trades with them equally, that is also the case. But America has never invaded Europe, and certainly not "hostilely and pyratically assault them". Except they have. In World War 2, American troops filled Britain, advancing across Mediterranian islands, up Italy, through the Netherlands (New York was originally a Dutch port) into France and Germany. The Prophecy has come to pass.

Those are all the lines from Browne's tract that concern us. I think you will agree that while he is no psychic, and his predictions not as exact as they could be, they are a damn sight better than most observations of the future. Let us all join in raising a toast towards Thomas Browne, rest his soul and rotting remains, and the great country which he so accurately foresaw. Cheers!

 

[Gemma]

I'm not reading all that :|

 

[Sulkdodds]

That's okay. I don't want to read even a few words of at you write.

 

[Gemma]

That did not make sense...

 

[MJ12]

"Of at you write" Sulkk, that isn't helpingg.

 

[Sulkdodds]

I can't be held responsible if lesser intellects aren't up to the task. !!!

 

[nurizeko]

Dude, alcohol and prescriptions don't mix.

 

[Sulkdodds]

I might delete all these posts because they are all lame, my own especially, and they are perverting the thread away from civil Thomas Browne discussion.

 

[Dekstar]

Isn't the whole point about these predictions/predictors that they made so many predictions that at least some of them must come true? This seems to be what has happened here.

 

[Farrowlesparrow]

Thank you Sulk. That was a very thorough and fulfilling answer to my question. As always, you have written a wonderful piece of interest!

aLL YOU OTHER dudes is whisky dicks, boiii

 

[Emporius]

Isn't the whole point about these predictions/predictors that they made so many predictions that at least some of them must come true? This seems to be what has happened here.

Or are so up to interpretation that they are bound to occur. *cough*Nostradamus*cough*

 

[Shakermaker]

Thank you Sulk. That was a very thorough and fulfilling answer to my question. As always, you have written a wonderful piece of interest!

aLL YOU OTHER dudes is whisky dicks, boiii

Same. I looked up Browne's Wiki after i read that post, but it didn't really make sense. Thanks for the eloquent explanation.

 

[Acepilotf14]

Seems like he was really general about everything. I can make predictions too!

And while all you British fellows are laughin',
shits going to happen

 

[Sheepo]

While Ace is bein' a wannabe
Koola's gonna have sex with a honeybee

 

[Acepilotf14]

during the last days of sheepo,
france will love max rebo

 

[Sheepo]

Upon the pedestal sulk put up
Indonesia watches 2 girls 1 cup

 

[Eejit]

No more rhyming now, I mean it!

 

[Sheepo]

I'd like to make an honest try
But honestly I'm not an honest guy

 

[Eejit]

Sigh. Oh ye of little taste.

 

[Sheepo]

Well since you've gotten me crying
I'm not going to even bother trying

 

[Sulkdodds]

Quit yo spam.

 

[Jintor]

This ain't the rap thread, dawg.

 

[Sheepo]

And I wasn't rappin'.

 

[jet_porkins]

No more rhyming now, I mean it!

Is it too late for "does anybody want a peanut?"

 

[Eejit]

It's never too late for a Fezzik line.

 

[BabyHeadCrab]

That was a great read, pretty eerie actually, thanks for it.