C
Captian Welsey
Guest
It all seems so obviouse now. I know now that the Gman is without a doubt an employee of IKEA!! Now wait don't bash the theory yet, hear me out. First thing's first. You're probably asking yourself,
"Why would someone who works for IKEA have acess to space/time bending technology!?"
Well, I figure that since money makes the world go round', the person with the most money would be the person who would be able to buy that type of technology from the government. Now I'm not sure if its still true today, but as of a few years ago, the richest man in the world was (believe it or not) the dude who own IKEA. Bill Gates was second. So I figured that IKEA could have cut a deal with the government for to use their transportation technology to benefit their buisness. And here's how the IKEA agenda fits into the plots of Half-Lifes 1 and 2.
In the first Half-Life, the Gman could be seen going about the Black-Mesa facility, before the cascading resanance. IKEA probably sent him there just to keep up with the transporter testing's progress, and this would explain who was pressuring the scientists into the more "extreme testing." But why would IKEA need the technology? Simple, they wanted to put IKEA'S IN THE XEN DEMENSION! DUMP-DUMP-DAAAA!!! But then somehow they caught wind of the Xen race, and new this would present a problem to their store building progress, so the Gman used Gordon to disperse of them, that they might continue their money conquest. But wait the combine!
Ever look around Half-Life 2? What do you see? Desks and drawers that look like offices from the 1950's and chairs that look like the ones you sit in at a PTA meeting. That's all there is. This would be the perfect place for IKEA to market their cheap sweedish crap, but there is a problem. It's obviouse that the combine are communist-esque rulers, and would never allow buisnesses to stand. So once again they sent the Gman to help destroy the combine, so that they could sell more furniture. This of coarse leads me to my final point....Half-Life 3!!
My prediction for the next game. I believe that eventually, through Gordon and the resistance, that IKEA will eventually destroy the combine, and in turn assume command of the earth. Gordon's role? Well of coarse, he'll be working for the Gman, which means that the entire Half-Life 3 experience will be done inside an IKEA STORE!!
Level 1: Cleaning up Headcrabs from isle 3
Level 2: Finding the perfect stool for a Vortigaun arse!
Level 3: Kitchen duty!
Level 4: Appliance sales, and then finally....
LEVEL 5: FULL LEATHER ARMCHAIR SALES!!
"Why would someone who works for IKEA have acess to space/time bending technology!?"
Well, I figure that since money makes the world go round', the person with the most money would be the person who would be able to buy that type of technology from the government. Now I'm not sure if its still true today, but as of a few years ago, the richest man in the world was (believe it or not) the dude who own IKEA. Bill Gates was second. So I figured that IKEA could have cut a deal with the government for to use their transportation technology to benefit their buisness. And here's how the IKEA agenda fits into the plots of Half-Lifes 1 and 2.
In the first Half-Life, the Gman could be seen going about the Black-Mesa facility, before the cascading resanance. IKEA probably sent him there just to keep up with the transporter testing's progress, and this would explain who was pressuring the scientists into the more "extreme testing." But why would IKEA need the technology? Simple, they wanted to put IKEA'S IN THE XEN DEMENSION! DUMP-DUMP-DAAAA!!! But then somehow they caught wind of the Xen race, and new this would present a problem to their store building progress, so the Gman used Gordon to disperse of them, that they might continue their money conquest. But wait the combine!
Ever look around Half-Life 2? What do you see? Desks and drawers that look like offices from the 1950's and chairs that look like the ones you sit in at a PTA meeting. That's all there is. This would be the perfect place for IKEA to market their cheap sweedish crap, but there is a problem. It's obviouse that the combine are communist-esque rulers, and would never allow buisnesses to stand. So once again they sent the Gman to help destroy the combine, so that they could sell more furniture. This of coarse leads me to my final point....Half-Life 3!!
My prediction for the next game. I believe that eventually, through Gordon and the resistance, that IKEA will eventually destroy the combine, and in turn assume command of the earth. Gordon's role? Well of coarse, he'll be working for the Gman, which means that the entire Half-Life 3 experience will be done inside an IKEA STORE!!
Level 1: Cleaning up Headcrabs from isle 3
Level 2: Finding the perfect stool for a Vortigaun arse!
Level 3: Kitchen duty!
Level 4: Appliance sales, and then finally....
LEVEL 5: FULL LEATHER ARMCHAIR SALES!!
