Distortions of Reality

[Raziaar]

I've been noticing that a trend has been happening for me. For as long as I can remember really during the past year, I have been experiencing pretty severe sensations that my perception of reality is distorted.

Throughout the day, I'll have a sound head on, but when I'm preparing for bed and even in bed trying to get to sleep(but not yet having drifted)... my mind starts to wander and I begin having these bizarre feelings that I don't feel real. I don't feel like anything around me is real. Everything is a game, a false reality. If I were to die, it'd not be a real and permanent death.

Shortly after, I get the exact opposite. I feel the overwhelming realization of my own mortality. That this is my one life to live, and how fragile of a life it is. That it can be snuffed out in an instant, possibly even without my knowledge. It is at this moment that I have an oppressive fear of dying, even though in reality I am in no danger of death. I worry about a burglar breaking in and ending this life of mine, and perhaps even that of my family.

It's bizarre really, and cycles back and forth, often in the span of the half hour it takes before I fall asleep.

Truly disconcerting!

It was especially bad tonight that I had to get up out of bed and avoid sleep, even though I technically should be in bed resting since I have a horrible headache and a case of strep throat.

 

[Saturos]

Perhaps an anxiety attack? Do you get short of breath at all?

 

[Raziaar]

Perhaps an anxiety attack? Do you get short of breath at all?

No. Nothing of the sorts. Everything is internalized in my head, and I don't have any physical effects of a panic attack.

 

[Saturos]

No. Nothing of the sorts. Everything is internalized in my head, and I don't have any physical effects of a panic attack.

Maybe your just going insane. Heh, just. Or maybe your having conflicting, "theism" beliefs deep in your subconscious that only manifests during the alpha phase of sleep.

Similar to the, "witch riding your back" feeling that you can't move during that phase, only a little different.

 

[Raziaar]

Maybe your just going insane. Heh, just. Or maybe your having conflicting, "theism" beliefs deep in your subconscious that only manifests during the alpha phase of sleep.

I haven't even begun to sleep when this happens. I'm still fully alert and trying to get to sleep.

 

[Doppelgofer]

Puberty

 

[Raziaar]

Puberty

Six plus years onset delayed puberty.

 

[Saturos]

Puberty

LOL Raz is in his twenties I believe, so this theory would be null. @ Raz: What's stress like in your life?

 

[Pulse]

A brain tumor?

 

[Darkside55]

*Sigh*

Another subject having adverse reactions to the stimulus. I thought we had a real winner this time; he seemed to be responding well last week. But it's always the same in the end. At least the cycle duration is starting to increase; 30 minutes, that's pretty good.

Decommission current subject and prep the next in line.

 

[lame-o]

I've been having pretty much the same thing. For me it manifests itself in that I look around and I get an overwhelming sense of claustrophobia because it begins to seem like nothing is real, and everything is just some sort of canvas painted over my eyes. I don't usually go into the opposite direction like you do though, I usually just tell myself that this is real and that I'm alive and calm myself down. When it happens I have to shake myself out of it, like sit up abruptly or turn around. My vision also seems to change, giving everything a pop-out book feel.

Anyways, I looked around and so far the only thing I've come up with is that I THINK they're anxiety attacks. Don't know for sure though.

 

[Saturos]

@ Razzy and lame-o:You guys shouldn't have taken the red pill. /facepalm

Morpheus is such a douchebag for tricking you right?

 

[Sulkdodds]

GUys itS THE MATRICX

 

[Druckles]

General paranoia? Oh, it's cool, you get to be a genius.

 

[99.vikram]

You are simply a computer game character. You cannot see it, but your player seems to have disconnected - permanently. Perhaps he got bored of you. Or maybe he moved on to a grander avatar than you. Either way, once you feel your reality fade into oblivion, when the bits that compose you turn into randomness you will understand what it's like to be obsolete and replaceable. Perhaps there will be a numbness towards the end. But ultimately it won't matter, the rest of us will never know and you will have ceased to exist...

 

[Eejit]

I know exactly what you mean. Let me tell you why you're here.
You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life.
That there's something wrong with the world, you don't know what it is, but it's there. Like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

 

[Deleted member 56031]

Could be paranoia, although I've had feelings like that before quite often.

 

[Warbie]

Occasionally I get the horribly disconcerting sensation that i'm just a pair of eyeballs. I'll feel detached, look at a limb and only see its form and function - like it's a mechanical object - or touch my face to make sure it's there. Sometimes my body feels like a numb suit, or that i'm viewing the world through my eyes from an angle somewhere outside my head. I realise i'm possibly circling the drain of insanity.

 

[lame-o]

That would suck if it was insanity, that would probably be the scariest thing I could possibly imagine to be stuck in that kind of state. LOSING MY MIIIIINNNNDDDDD...

It's probably some sort of anxiety/stress/depression caused disorder that can be treated though. Or maybe it's just a sequence of thoughts that are particularly disturbing.

 

[Que-Ever]

Razz, some men will show up at your door in a few hours. Go with them. Comply with whatever they say. Don't try to fight.

 

[Acepilotf14]

Interdimnensional Space Squid.

 

[Tyguy]

T h e M a t r i x h a s y o u . . .

 

[Ennui]

What you see with your eyes is not reality, it's your perception of reality. Sometimes you realize things about life that are a little disconcerting/weird/mind****ing. It's all good. Raz, does this kind of thing worry you (that you have these weird experiences/thoughts)?

 

[Eejit]

Exactly. If what you saw with your eyes was reality radio wouldn't work and there would be no such thing as UV light!

 

[Sulkdodds]

And that would be rubbish.

 

[Beerdude26]

 

[Eejit]

Wierd, we were just discussing ball lightning in steam chat

 

[Raziaar]

LOL Raz is in his twenties I believe, so this theory would be null. @ Raz: What's stress like in your life?

It's really hard to describe the sorts of stress I experience in life. Needless to say though, I do experience stress of sorts and to some extremes.

A brain tumor?

That would explain the heavy blood discharge from my nose occasionally and the severely painful and sudden onset migraines.

Heh... Just kidding about the blood thing

*Sigh*

Another subject having adverse reactions to the stimulus. I thought we had a real winner this time; he seemed to be responding well last week. But it's always the same in the end. At least the cycle duration is starting to increase; 30 minutes, that's pretty good.

Decommission current subject and prep the next in line.

Makes me want to actually write a little story about a situation like this... if it weren't for the fact that I'm no longer under the illusion I can write well. <sigh>

I've been having pretty much the same thing. For me it manifests itself in that I look around and I get an overwhelming sense of claustrophobia because it begins to seem like nothing is real, and everything is just some sort of canvas painted over my eyes. I don't usually go into the opposite direction like you do though, I usually just tell myself that this is real and that I'm alive and calm myself down. When it happens I have to shake myself out of it, like sit up abruptly or turn around. My vision also seems to change, giving everything a pop-out book feel.

Anyways, I looked around and so far the only thing I've come up with is that I THINK they're anxiety attacks. Don't know for sure though.

I don't quite experience it the same you do, but I feel completely separate from my body. Still from within, but shifted and as if I don't feel real. Like I'm looking through the eyes of a form that has no real significance in life. It's hard to describe it.

For me to escape from it, I either sit up and stay awake for another long period of time like I did today, or I just fall asleep and forget about it until the next night.

Could be anxiety attacks. I don't know anything about anxiety attacks but I usually associate them with complete shutdown to the overwhelming stimulus surrounding the sufferer. I don't experience that so I just naturally assume it's not an anxiety attack.

@ Razzy and lame-o:You guys shouldn't have taken the red pill. /facepalm

Morpheus is such a douchebag for tricking you right?

My pill was purple!

<shakes his fist at the sky>

GUys itS THE MATRICX

Well... my life experience thus far is pretty shitty. You may be onto something here <ducks>

General paranoia? Oh, it's cool, you get to be a genius.

Yeah... at least I'm still a genius. At what point though does insanity mingle with supreme intelligence and the battle of the titans pushes one off to the side like some epic duel?

You are simply a computer game character. You cannot see it, but your player seems to have disconnected - permanently. Perhaps he got bored of you. Or maybe he moved on to a grander avatar than you. Either way, once you feel your reality fade into oblivion, when the bits that compose you turn into randomness you will understand what it's like to be obsolete and replaceable. Perhaps there will be a numbness towards the end. But ultimately it won't matter, the rest of us will never know and you will have ceased to exist...

I'm like that level one you start out with on mmorpgs. I can't even kill rabbits or imus. :imu:

The concept of me being a video game character facing impending doom of hard memory erasion is certainly more preferable to this fear of a really and truly significant life that I'm terrified to leave under any circumstances other than very old age.

I know exactly what you mean. Let me tell you why you're here.
You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life.
That there's something wrong with the world, you don't know what it is, but it's there. Like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

I have no idea what you're talking about. You speak volumes in complete vagueness. Please, do tell me more. I wish to learn!

Could be paranoia, although I've had feelings like that before quite often.

Paranoia... there's like a stigma attached to that which is very strong, that I'd hate to have anything of the sorts. It may just be a reality though, only time can tell.

Occasionally I get the horribly disconcerting sensation that i'm just a pair of eyeballs. I'll feel detached, look at a limb and only see its form and function - like it's a mechanical object - or touch my face to make sure it's there. Sometimes my body feels like a numb suit, or that i'm viewing the world through my eyes from an angle somewhere outside my head. I realise i'm possibly circling the drain of insanity.

That's really weird if you're actually serious. A pair of eyeballs. That paints such a vivid picture in my mind you don't even know.

That would suck if it was insanity, that would probably be the scariest thing I could possibly imagine to be stuck in that kind of state. LOSING MY MIIIIINNNNDDDDD...

It's probably some sort of anxiety/stress/depression caused disorder that can be treated though. Or maybe it's just a sequence of thoughts that are particularly disturbing.

My mind is the one good thing I have. It's a scary thing to think I might be losing it. I have little else going for me right now other than having this mind with the capability of getting me those other, better things. I merely have to unlock it... before I lose the key.

Razz, some men will show up at your door in a few hours. Go with them. Comply with whatever they say. Don't try to fight.

No men ever showed up. I fell asleep not too long after posting this and I don't remember any contact with men.

However... true story. I was letting the cat outside before I went to bed, and normally everybody on the cul-de-sac are gone at work. There was this white truck across the street parked on the street with the driver side facing my house. Whoever was in there was looking towards my house and me as I was peering through the screen door. He then left a minute later.

Interdimnensional Space Squid.

I don't even know how to respond to this. LOL

T h e M a t r i x h a s y o u . . .

Then it is true... I'm stuck in a reality more horrible and full of cinematic failure than I could ever imagine!

What you see with your eyes is not reality, it's your perception of reality. Sometimes you realize things about life that are a little disconcerting/weird/mind****ing. It's all good. Raz, does this kind of thing worry you (that you have these weird experiences/thoughts)?

It bothers me when it happens, but the rest of the day I don't worry about it. I have a firm enough grasp on things I think that I can rule out insanity creeping up on me. LOL

*SNIP*

That's a great comic.

I tell you, I get dreams all the time, that I have the powers to move things with my mind, and hover/fly by utilizing the same ability. It's really spectacular, and today probably consists of 20% of my dreams.

The dreams that really suck though, are ones where I completely and utterly feel that it's reality. I'll be dreaming and be convinced it's reality. When I wake up, I am overwhelmed by the incredible disappointment that my alarm clock isn't flying into my hand from across the room. I have to sit there for 5 minutes to wake up and comprehend the fact that stuff like that simply doesn't exist in our world.

 

[Terminator]

Certain neurotransmitter chemicals have a dissociative effect, this can be due to a psychological issue, often interrelated to thought patterns and innapropriate chemical responses to a situation.
Or you could have some sort of tumor or it could be due to certain drug use?

It could simply be caused by thinking too heavily on certain subjects, not something we evolved doing in any great deal.

When i lack focus and the feeling of being alive i often go for a run, often in the dark somewhere 'scary' or push myself physically in a dangerous situation, this gets the adrenaline going a bit which tends to give the brain a kick in the pants.
Although, the contradicton of this is that too much adrenaline can dull receptor sensitivity and actually cause dissociative feelings.

 

[Bad^Hat]

Ugh, could we try to keep the advice objection here, guys? Gosh.

Seriously though, less weed.

 

[Raziaar]

Certain neurotransmitter chemicals have a dissociative effect, this can be due to a psychological issue, often interrelated to thought patterns and innapropriate chemical responses to a situation.
Or you could have some sort of tumor or it could be due to certain drug use?

It could simply be caused by thinking too heavily on certain subjects, not something we evolved doing in any great deal.

When i lack focus and the feeling of being alive i often go for a run, often in the dark somewhere 'scary' or push myself physically in a dangerous situation, this gets the adrenaline going a bit which tends to give the brain a kick in the pants.
Although, the contradicton of this is that too much adrenaline can dull receptor sensitivity and actually cause dissociative feelings.

Yes, but unlike you I cannot survive a ten story fall onto a bed of jagged rocks should I walk off a cliff somewhere, or the random bullet and knife emerging from the suffocating darkness of a back street. Those last two things penetrate my skin... they don't bounce off and return to their attackers in violent irony.

Ugh, could we try to keep the advice objection here, guys? Gosh.

Seriously though, less weed.

I haven't done a single drug in my life other than over the counter pain medication and the twice prescribed antibiotics. And those don't count.

 

[Naudian]

Shortly after, I get the exact opposite. I feel the overwhelming realization of my own mortality. That this is my one life to live, and how fragile of a life it is. That it can be snuffed out in an instant, possibly even without my knowledge. It is at this moment that I have an oppressive fear of dying, even though in reality I am in no danger of death. I worry about a burglar breaking in and ending this life of mine, and perhaps even that of my family.

This part happens to me quite often. I start thinking about death and the fact that once I'm dead, I will never come back and will be gone for the rest of eternity, and everything will just keep ticking without me etc... Anyway, this kind of thinking gets me to the point where I have a rush of adrenaline/fear and have to get up. Sadface

 

[Bad^Hat]

I haven't done a single drug in my life other than over the counter pain medication and the twice prescribed antibiotics. And those don't count.

Oh.

More weed.

 

[lame-o]

It's completely unexplainable and is unbelievably horrific, but afterwards I always wonder why it scares me. Terminator is right though, you gotta ground yourself somehow, let yourself KNOW that you're connected to something. And we're all just products of the society we live in, whether we like it or not, so I say **** em and do ANYTHING to make your own thing. I mean ANYTHING, the smallest choice can totally change your life... The only reason I'm here saying this is cause I'm too much of a pussy to do it myself. :|

But with the help of weed I'll do it soon. Yes.

 

[Sulkdodds]

You couldn't have a better role model than Terminator. He punches landrovers.

 

[Que-Ever]

Well, obviously the agents would not carry out their orders at the time given, otherwise you would have known it was going to happen.

If that is the case, then why am I telling you? You have to remember... I never really said who's side I was on.

 

[Druckles]

Holy shit, you answered like everyone!

And the battle of the "titans" is won as soon as you think it is won.

But don't worry, we'll make a film about how uber intelligent and cool you were after you're gone. After you've torn out your eyes and fallen screaming from the top of a ten-storey building in rage, foaming at the mouth, your hands clawing at any piece of skin that they can get...

But it's all cool, we'll make a film.