"Trapped In The Closet" by R Kelly | Am I the only one who thinks it sucks?

[A True Canadian]

Yesterday my brother showed me the Trapped in the Closet "song" by R Kelly. Apparently a lot of people think it's amazing so I had to see it for myself. It's probably the funniest, most pathetic thing i've ever seen. It's like listening to a train wreck. At first I thought it was some kind of joke but no he's serious.

THERE ARE SPOILERS SO DON'T READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SPOIL THE "EXPERIENCE", OR WHATEVER.


You can watch it here if you must:
http://music.yahoo.com/ar-253009-videos--R-Kelly





LAST CHANCE









PART 1:

In case you didn't know this "song" is broken down into 5 parts (with more rumored to come on his next album :x ). So starting with part one, the song opens with a very faint instrumental sound of 3-4 keys followed by what sounds like a drop of water. This is the beat for the whole song, I kid you not. I know this is R & B, but the beat is still very weak.

If you have a weak beat, then you better hope that the lyrics make up for it. This is not the case here either. Just look at the lyrics to part one:

CHAPTER 1:
Seven o'clock in the morning
And the rays from the sun wakes me
I'm stretchin' and yawnin'
In a bed that don't belong to me
And a voice yells, "Good morning, darlin", from the bathroom
Then she comes out and kisses me
And to my surprise, she ain't you
Now I've got this dumb look on my face
Like, what have I done?
How could I be so stupid to be have laid here til the morning sun?
Must of lost the track of time
Oh, what was on my mind?
From the club, went to her home
Didn't plan to stay that long

Here I am, quickly tryin' to put on my clothes
Searching for my car keys
Tryin' to get on up out the door
Then she streched her hands in front of it
Said, "You can't go this way"
Looked at her, like she was crazy
Said, "Woman move out my way"
Said, "I got a wife at home"
She said, "Please don't go out there"
"Lady, I've got to get home"
She said, her husband was comin' up the stairs

"Shh, shh, quiet
Hurry up and get in the closet"
She said, "Don't you make a sound
Or some shit is going down"
I said, "Why don't I just go out the window?"
"Yes, except for one thing, we on the 5th floor"
"Think, think, quick, put me in the closet"
And now I'm in this darkest closet, tryin' to figure out
Just how I'm gonna get my crazy ass up out this house

Then he walks in and yells, "I'm home"
She says, "Honey, I'm in the room"
He walks in there with a smile on his face
Sayin', "Honey, I've been missin' you"
She hops all over him
And says, "I've cooked and ran your bath water"
I'm tellin' you now, this girl's so good that she deserves an Oscar

Rolls her in the bed
And start to snatchin' her clothes off
I'm in the closet, like man, what the **** is going on?
You're not gonna believe it
But things get deeper as the story goes on
Next thing you know, a call comes through on my cell phone
I tried my best to quickly put it on vibrate
But from the way he act, I could tell it was too late
He hopped up and said, "There's a mystery going on
And I'm gonna solve it"
And I'm like, "God please, don't let this man open this closet"

He walks in the bathroom
And looks behind the door
She says, "Baby, come back to bed"
He says, "Say no more"
He pulls back the shower curtain
While she's biting her nails
Then he walks back to the room
Right now, I'm sweating like hell
Checks under the bed
Then under the dresser
He looks at the closet
I pull out my Baretta
He walks up to the closet
He comes up to the closet
Now he's at the closet
Now he's opening the closet...

Pfft, that got worse as it went on didn't it? Keep in mind that he's trying to sing this too, trying to sound all sexy. There's nothing catchy about this song.

Ha! You think something should happen in order to make the story more interesting, but it doesn't happen. In part 2 it's just the three of them bickering back and forth about the cheating until the climax: the husband reveals he's in fact cheating on his wife...with a man. :frown: Well smart guy, what's the point in getting upset at the wife when you've just done the same thing yourself.

I wanted to stop watching before my mind turned to mush but my brother kept saying it gets better. *sigh*

I just can't for the life of me see why this is so popular. The song doesn't have any point or meaning to it. Am I just not getting it? I got into an argument with my brother for the next hour on why it sucks but I just wasn't getting through.


R Kelly is the black Randy Newman (Family Guy version).

/rant

Felt good to get that off my chest. I can barely write it's got me so mad right now. Ugh.

If Dave Chappelle ever returns, you know he'll do a parody of this crap. :E

 

[SimonomiS]

...Those lyrics cannot be real. *Watches video* *Can't*

Bah stupid Yahoo Launch.

 

[PvtRyan]

Stopped after the first part, ugh, retarded shit.

Fact: a mix between talking and singing with a whiny voice does not work.

Fact: 'he said, she said, I did' does not make a lyric, it is called 'dialogue'.

The rhyme is crap too.

...


But really, were you expecting anything else from him then? This shouldn't come as any surprise.

 

[Icarusintel]

R Kelly sucks, maybe everyone will get the hint and not buy his album

 

[A True Canadian]

...Those lyrics cannot be real. *Watches video* *Can't*

Bah stupid Yahoo Launch.

Sorry, but I could't find any other online place hosting the videos.

But really, were you expecting anything else from him then? This shouldn't come as any surprise.

This is actually the first song I've heard from him, and hopefully the last. :|

 

[MrMan]

I heard this on the radio a little while ago and thought it was some kind of spoof. Im pretty shocked that its not. How lame.

 

[Korgoth]

you aren't the only one who thinks it sucks, I think r kelly sucks... yes yes he does

 

[Adidajs]

well, he sleeps with minors. I lost respect after I found out after that. So I don't like him anyway.

 

[Hectic Glenn]

WORST.SONG.EVER, my god, your right this does suck...give up kelly...

 

[Kamikazie]

When i read the thread title i though that he had a minor in the closet. and as for the song, is it a damn book or a song, it went on and on and on like a book but you guys say its a song so its a song...(but i still believe that its a damn book!!)

 

[Dr. Freeman]

bad song, even worse video.

 

[NeptuneUK]

R kelly sucks full stop