Was this a good thing to say?

[Dinkleberry]

I posted a couple of things about this in the 'Too Nice' thread, and this branches out from that a bit.

Just sent her what I hope to be the last major communique for a while. Was it a good idea? I feel like I know absolutely nothing at the moment.

Hi XXX,
I've had second thoughts about meeting up. Consider the air cleared. I do trust your claims of honesty, and am still a bit pissed off about things but accepting of what's happened (I'm pretty sure I've got it figured out now, and there's no need for you to feel like you've got to explain yourself).

I know it's quite hypocritical of me to chastise you about giving in to impulses, but let me tell you of some of my thoughts...
I'm not an animal lover and don't know a lot about them, but I've heard reports from friends about what happens when you leave a pet in a room with food: If the animal can figure out how to get to it, chances are it will gorge itself on whatever it can get, sometimes requiring medical attention because it will over-eat to the point of it being harmful. They might do this because they've never experienced food *not* being scarce, and therefore have no concept of what might happen should they eat more than their anatomy is capable of coping with.

It is my opinion that the most important thing that differentiates between humans and other animals is that even at the end of the day, we can choose a path that is irrational, and goes against nature's fundamental survivalist urges.

When you're not feeling too bad, try and identify, and make a conscious choice to not let yourself get into situations that might lead to further bad decisions being made.

Truth be told, these past few weeks have been utterly crazy for me, and now that it's over I feel...a bit different, better. However, hopefully you've picked up a few tips too, and try harder to avoid putting someone else, or yourself through this in future.

I really am not saying all this as some kind of resentful message, and say it more with help than hindrance in mind, so please don't take it the wrong way.

Good luck,
YYY

 

[Cormeh]

Reading through that - why do some people type all of this stuff out like a formal business letter?

What happened to say, oh I don't know, talking to people face-to-face?

 

[Dan]

It kinda got the impression that you were hinting that she's into beastiality. Did you send it already? You definitely shouldn't ask for critiques after the fact.

 

[The Monkey]

Maybe you shouldn't have written a love letter (if that's what it's supposed to be) as an essay for biology class.

 

[Bad^Hat]

So, you're breaking up because she gorged herself on dog food?

 

[AJ Rimmer]

Reading through that - why do some people type all of this stuff out like a formal business letter?

This.

Maybe you shouldn't have written a love letter (if that's what it's supposed to be) as an essay for biology class.

And this.

 

[Zephos]

Good god man, I daresay you shouldn't have beat round the bush and instead just told her directly what you wanted to say and why.

 

[Sulkdodds]

Pretty difficult for us to know what you're talking about without context.

 

[Zephos]

And pics.

 

[Dan]

context:
http://www.halflife2.net/forums/showthread.php?t=141306

 

[K e r b e r o s]

Animals reason to, just in an animal sort of way.

Wolf: Deer looks tasty. I think I'll lick my nuts first.

 

[Dinkleberry]

Hahaha, shit. Feeling a bit better about things after expunging that.

Extra context:
We'd been friends for a couple of years now - she's the ex-housemate of one of my current housemates so we all used to hang around fairly often. I initially thought she was a bit of alright, but totally out of my league so I put those ideas out of my head. The more I got to know her, the more I realised how similar we were, on a sort of fundamental level, and I'd very rarely experienced that before with anyone, and never with a girl. As time went by I saw her do some stupid shit which I knew she didn't want to do (one night stands, that kind of thing), and it put me off seeing her as a friend anymore, because it was painful to see her do that to herself, with the added hypocrisy of being an overtly practising Christian.

Anyway, at some point more recently, I stopped being bothered by that stuff, and started chatting more and hanging about. I go to the pub with her and friends one night, and after that went back to her place for a DVD. We hooked up, not too heavy though. She came onto me, and I asked her if this thing would carry on tomorrow. She said yes and a very pleasant evening ensued . We spent some time over the next few days together, just cuddling and talking and as she opened up, it felt like I'd met someone who thinks the same way as myself. It was quite a nice feeling to know that you spend your entire life alone, and then find yourself not in that situation anymore (/slight understatement). And every care in the world drifted away for a short while (questions of reality/religion, the differences in our artistic tastes, all of it).

Crux of the problem:
1) I can't help it, but on occasion I quite love myself
2) She dislikes herself very much.
3) I got too attached too quickly.

And then the day after, she goes and hooks up with some fudgenudger from work. And I found out the other night that they are in a relationship (I was told at the time we were together that she was a commitment-a-phobe or whatever).


Yeah... to lose that... kind of hurt, hence the hollow, business-like letter

I feel so over her now though hahaha ;-)

 

[Dan]

I feel so over her now though hahaha ;-)

...ha ha sob cry, no I just got some sand in my eyes... while cutting onions.

what that really means

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6ea8ZVSZ5Q

 

[Kula Meenur]

Posted this in Sulkdodds Misc a couple o days ago... why is that a few relationships are hitting the wall atm? Is it certain guys in our community getting PMS???

Split up with the missuz on Friday


this is what i wrote her

Spoiler

(name here)

I would like to apologise for my actions last Friday. I acted stupidly and selfishly. I behaved in a vulgar manner. I broached several subjects which were disrespectful to both you and our relationship. I caused the time past of our relationship to be viewed in a fashion of contempt which may have cast doubt to my truth and affection for you. In addition to this behaviour I was utterly insensitive to your feelings, and during my selfish converse with you, I bitterly and deliberately hunted through my vocabulary to hurt. My conduct was that of a stupid, selfish, belligerent child and I am ashamed to have performed in such a manner for which I am responsible. I cannot reverse these actions.

I apologise for putting you in a position you should have never, ever been in. No male should ever put his partner in that position, and the selfish and cowardly nature of the act is comparable to the actions of a male who is violent towards his spouse. No partner deserves to be treated like that. I acted foolishly and conceitedly. I acted without any consideration for your feelings and boorishly made suggestions to which there is no greater level of shame. The way in which I ignorantly bullied you last Friday shows a total lack of self control which I am most sorry for.

On top of that, the text message I sent you after our last verbal exchange was both childish and spiteful, written during a mixture of frustration, regret and arrogant aggression. Contrary to the message, I do not wish for you to stop communicating with me whatsoever. It was a stupid cut-your-nose-off-to-spite-your-face message that was moron’s way of trying to get in the last word in our previous argument. I did know what I was doing. I am sorry for my behaviour D. I was both stupid and senseless.

In addition to this behaviour, my reaction to your offer of remaining friends was again deliberately made to hurt; my actions and the consequences I caused were disgraceful. I deliberately didn’t answer to cause a reaction in you. I am sorry. I would like to remain friends if you do warrant such a relationship. I understand if this isn’t the case. I do also understand that I am responsible for the destruction of trust in our relationship. I do love you. I never stopped loving you, no matter the bumps and grinds of our time together. The possible loss of this love always frightened me during our relationship. The loss of your love has indeed shaken me, and I don’t think I will fully comprehend what I have lost for a while.

I’m sorry our relationship ended this way. I didn’t want to end it. I shouldn’t have pressured and bullied you like a selfish child. Our time together was more important that a selfish sexual urge. I hope you get what you want in the future (nickname here), and I hope you find somebody who will treat you better.


All the best for the future.


Alexei Kamarenko

My baby

Spoiler

Hang tough mate, get outta your home and go pick up

 

[Sulkdodds]

Man, I find it so weird how formal that is. Aren't you laying it on a bit thick?

 

[VirusType2]

Yeah I think most of us agree that when writing a letter to your significant other, it's not good to show off your writing skill. Just say what you want to say. I'm guilty of it too though sometimes.

I think in the 1800's girls would be swooned by some of this stuff, but now a days, they will probably laugh, be amused, or read it to their girlfriends while laughing, regardless of how they feel about you.

I honestly think that letters are almost always a bad idea. If you have trouble saying something, write down some notes to remind you what you want to say, and say it on the phone. If it's a goodbye letter, the best one is to not write it and just leave her guessing.

I swear by what I say.

I have NEVER had good results from writing a girl a letter. It is always bad.

Also, I've got some letters from girls that I wasn't interested in, that I never even opened. And if I read them, I would be sickened.

Think about this. If you aren't sure if she likes you, the worst thing you can do is tell her you are infatuated. Because that will scare her off. If I got a letter from a girl that I just thought of as a friend, and she tells me things like, I will always be here for you, etc. I'm not going to be in a real hurry.

And if she doesn't like you, most of the time it's not your fault. It's almost always that she likes someone else, or simply is looking for something else in a guy/girl.

 

[Dan]

The thing I never get is how a girl can make a phone call for no reason. The way I see it, you should have something to say if you are going to contact somebody, and you should say it. Then you should hang up.

The same thing goes for idle conversation, although it makes a little bit of sense to have small talk just to make people comfortable when you are face to face. But it basically amounts to white noise.

If I had my way, all communication would be in point form.

 

[Dinkleberry]

what that really means

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6ea8ZVSZ5Q

Hehehe, spot on. "Lasagne... for one"

Posted this in Sulkdodds Misc a couple o days ago... why is that a few relationships are hitting the wall atm? Is it certain guys in our community getting PMS???





My baby

Spoiler

Hang tough mate, get outta your home and go pick up

You get any response from that?

 

[VirusType2]

The thing I never get is how a girl can make a phone call for no reason. The way I see it, you should have something to say if you are going to contact somebody, and you should say it. Then you should hang up.

The same thing goes for idle conversation, although it makes a little bit of sense to have small talk just to make people comfortable when you are face to face. But it basically amounts to white noise.

If I had my way, all communication would be in point form.

Yeah, like I said in the other thread, I had a girlfriend like that. She would call several times every day, and there would be silence. This was a semi-long distance relationship on top of that. She just wanted to be with me. Wanted to talk with me, wanted everything and anything she could have of me.

I avoided her phone calls a lot, and it wasn't enough for her. She would end up cheating on me, and I ended up cheating on her, until I finally just didn't trust her, and left her when I met someone that was really special.

But I felt the same way as you. (Don't call me unless you have something to say.) But I guess she just wanted to know more about me, and loved talking to me. I didn't feel the same, unfortunately for her - and ultimately, us.

 

[CptStern]

I love how the drama is interspliced with advice on how not to treat animals ..if you could somehow fit in a discussion on say underwater interpretive ballet or how much stress concrete rebar can withstand before it collapses that would be the icing on the cake, thanks in advance I look forward to your next "communique"

 

[Dan]

I love how the drama is interspliced with advice on how not to treat animals ..if you could somehow fit in a discussion on say underwater interpretive ballet or how much stress concrete rebar can withstand before it collapses that would be the icing on the cake, thanks in advance I look forward to your next "communique"

Depends on whether it's grade 60 or grade 40 rebar. Grade 60 has a minimum yield strength of 60 kpsi, grade 40 hass minimum of 40 kpsi. It would have been an apt analogy to say that your relationship was like grade 40 rebar, the lower stiffness made it easier to handle and get into place, but it just didn't have the strength to stand up to the working loads applied to it.

 

[The Monkey]

The kids are alright.

 

[Cormeh]

Depends on whether it's grade 60 or grade 40 rebar. Grade 60 has a minimum yield strength of 60 kpsi, grade 40 hass minimum of 40 kpsi. It would have been an apt analogy to say that your relationship was like grade 40 rebar, the lower stiffness made it easier to handle and get into place, but it just didn't have the strength to stand up to the working loads applied to it.

What if he upped the bar diameter and reduced the centres?

 

[CptStern]

Depends on whether it's grade 60 or grade 40 rebar. Grade 60 has a minimum yield strength of 60 kpsi, grade 40 hass minimum of 40 kpsi. I killed a man today. It would have been an apt analogy to say that your relationship was like grade 40 rebar, the lower stiffness made it easier to handle and get into place, but it just didn't have the strength to stand up to the working loads applied to it.

fixed

 

[Dan]

What if he upped the diameter and reduced the centres?

Same material strength, but different load capacity. Rebar comes in standardized sizes though, so really you would intertwine several lengths in parallel to increase the effective diameter. Too much rebar though, and you risk building up internal stresses and possibly destabilizing the concrete matrix.

 

[Cormeh]

**** it - let's use steel instead.

 

[Dan]

rebar is steel

 

[Cormeh]

Doy! I mean steel instead of R.C.

 

[Dinkleberry]

I love how the drama is interspliced with advice on how not to treat animals ..if you could somehow fit in a discussion on say underwater interpretive ballet or how much stress concrete rebar can withstand before it collapses that would be the icing on the cake, thanks in advance I look forward to your next "communique"

Hahaha, it made sense to me at the time, and hopefully it would to her. I've not heard anything back so I presume she's testing the theory out on a stray dog or something. I'll shit myself if I see RSPCA vans outside her house when I walk by.

 

[Kula Meenur]

Man, I find it so weird how formal that is. Aren't you laying it on a bit thick?

I dunno, it felt like the only way i could put it out there and convey a truthful intent. She was a ****in awesome chick, beautiful as anything. I broke the trust...kinda the only way i could talk to her and make her believe what i was saying...which was all true.

You get any response from that?

No, not yet mate. I fugged up pretty big, and i don't think she's coming back. Truth be told, its been two days since i wrote it and i still haven't heard anything. Maybe she's making me sweat it out. I was such a stupid c*nt



oh well... time to get back in the game ha!