Blonde Jokes

CptStern

CptStern

suckmonkey
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from somewhere else:

"This blonde really wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.

Suddenly---from the sky---a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

The blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more, even louder: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?"

The voice replied, "NO, THIS IS THE RINK MANAGER!"


:laugh:
 
2 blondes are walking in the country when they come across some tracks. The first blonde says "These are bear tracks", but the second blonde contests this, saying "Nonsense, these are wolf tracks". They decide to follow the tracks to find out, and after 10 minutes they get their answer - when they get hit by a train.
 
Sam-2k said:
2 blondes are walking in the country when they come across some tracks. The first blonde says "These are bear tracks", but the second blonde contests this, saying "Nonsense, these are wolf tracks". They decide to follow the tracks to find out, and after 10 minutes they get their answer - when they get hit by a train.
Click to expand...
:laugh:

best dumb blonde joke/prank EVER
 
How to drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

A blonde walks into an electronics store and wants to buy a TV. She looks around and finally points to one and tells the sales rep "I want that one!" With a grin he responds simply, "No. You can't have it." Furious, she asks him why. "Because you're a blonde" he replies. She decides to trick him. She goes to the beauty parlor and has her hair died brown. She goes into the store and repeats the process. "Nope" the guy says, "you can't have it. You're a blonde." She has no idea how he knows but tries once more with red hair. After he gives her the same reply for the 3rd time she gives up and asks him how he knows. "Because that's a microwave."

lol john, I only clicked twice.
 
why did the blonde scale the glass wall?....... to see what was on the other side!

what did the blonde say when she opened a box of cheerio's?.......... cool! baby doughnuts.

a blonde gets a tragic phone call and learns that her mother died. she goes to work but she keeps crying. her boss asks "what's wrong?". the blonde says "my mother died". so, her boss let her take the day off. the next day, the blonde is crying again. the boss asks her "what's wrong now?". the blonde says "my sister's mom died, too!"

BTW, i now claim the term blonde moment to be MY phrase! not yours. not your mother's. MINE!! using the term blonde moment without my permission is copyright infringement and will result in the punishment of being hit 100 times with a wet noodle!
 
0/10 for blonde jokes. They suck. End of discussion.
 
How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?

You wave at her....
 
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead show up for the same job interview. The brunette is the first one to go in, and after filling out the forms and going through the questions, the interviewer decides to ask her last question:

"How many D's are there in "INDIANA JONES""?
The brunette thinks for a second and responds "One".

The interviewer sends her back with a promise that he'll get back to her after he had interviewed the remaining candidates.

The redhead is next. The process goes about the same, and at the end: "How many D's are there in INDIANA JONES"?
She immediately says "One". The interviewer says, "OK, we'll let you know".

Then the blonde comes into the room, goes through the questions, and finally gets asked: "How many D's are there in INDIANA JONES".
She gets a very serious look on her face and starts counting her fingers, muttering: "2, 4, 6 ...., hmmm – wait,... 2, 4, 6 .... can I borrow your calculator please?"

After going through 15 minutes of intense calculating, she finally comes up with the answer: "Thirty two"

The interviewer is stunned and asks her: "Ok, now tell me, how the hell did you arrive at this answer?"

"Well..." She says.....

"DA-DA-DA-DA! DA-DA-DA! DA-DA-DA-DA! DA-DA-DA-DA-DA!......"


I'll get me coat. :|
 
A blonde was sitting on the train reading the newspaper. The headline blared, "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed." She shook her head at the sad news, then turned to the stranger sitting next to her and asked, "How many is a Brazilian?"
 
Phantim said:
A blonde was sitting on the train reading the newspaper. The headline blared, "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed." She shook her head at the sad news, then turned to the stranger sitting next to her and asked, "How many is a Brazilian?"
Click to expand...
:laugh:

i don't get cormeh's joke - da-da? what does it all mean? :imu:
 
john: it's the Indiana Jones theme tune. That joke only really works verbally. :p

Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.
 
A fairly poor blonde needed to redecorate her house but wasnt sure how much stuff to buy for the job. Unable to afford overspending she asked her neighbour, also a blonde, how many rolls of wallpaper she bought when she recently redecorated, as their houses were identical. "39 rolls" her friend replied. So the blonde bought 39 rolls of wallpaper and after redecorating realised she had 11 rolls left over. Angry that she had wasted money, she confronted her friend, "Omg wtf i bought 39 rolls of wallpaper and had like 10 rolls left over when i finished!!1". "Yes" said her friend. "So did i."
 
Anytime someone links to a blonde joke, you know what to expect.

Anyway. A blonde walks into a barber shop wearing headphones. The barber sits her down and tells her to take off her headphones. She refuses, saying they are important. So the barber tries to cut around them, but can't. Again he asks her to, she refuses, so he tries cutting again. Again, no luck, so finally she takes off the headphones. A minute or two later she drops dead.

Shocked, the barber picks up the headphones, wondering what was so important. Putting them on he heard:
"Breath in, breath out. Breath in, breath out."
 
Sulkdodds said:
Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.
Click to expand...

That's not really funny. That's kinda sad ;(
 
DeusExMachina said:
That's not really funny. That's kinda sad ;(
Click to expand...
Nonsense.

blondelol9bp.jpg
 
Haha, I love anti-jokes!

I made one up today but I can't remember it :(
 
ok, this isn't really a blonde joke, more of a female joke (don't call me sexist or anything like that, it's just a joke)

you know why they call it pms right?

mad cow disease was already taken


and:

Way back in the garden of eden, Adam got lonely. He asked God for a companion but he said I'd like her to make me food every night, clean up after me, always love me and never leave me. God said "well, I don't know about that, it'll cost you an arm and a leg." So then Adam said, "so, what can I get for a rib?"
 
Sulkdodds' joke reminds me of that great SomethingAwful anti-joke thread. They had jokes like:

"Jesus was on the cross, dying. Paul approached him, aware of his pain, and asked 'how can I help you, my father?' Jesus responded, 'WUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!'"



:laugh:
 
See now, that just doesn't make any sense. :P
 
What do you call a bleached blonde standing on her head?

A brunette with bad breath
 
How do you change a blonde's mind?

Blow in her ear.


Why did the blonde have a sore belly button?

Because her boyfriend was blonde too.


If a blonde and a brunette are pushed off a building, who hits the ground first?

The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
 
one day, a depressed blonde desides to commit suicide. she gets a pistol and holds it to her left ear and plugs her right ear with her finger on her right hand. she pulls the trigger....:eek:
she goes to a nearby hospital immediately afterwards and complains that a finger on her right hand hurts...
 
XANA said:
one day, a depressed blonde desides to commit suicide. she gets a pistol and holds it to her left ear and plugs her right ear with her finger on her right hand. she pulls the trigger....:eek:

Her family came home later that night, and to their horror, found her body on the sofa. She suffered from a chronic case of depression.
Click to expand...
Revised.
 
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
 
Phantim said:
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
Click to expand...

That reminds me!

What's the only job a blonde can get?

Spell checking in an M&M factory.



Why do blondes always end up loosing this job?

Because of all the rejected W's and 3's.
 
I'm blonde and I take exception to these "jokes". It's just another form of racism.
Sulkdodds said:
Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.
Click to expand...
Damn you Sulk, I was gonna steal that one. *Shakes fist*
 
el Chi said:
I'm blonde and I take exception to these "jokes". It's just another form of racism.
Click to expand...
These are fook-hall mate, I'm a ginger.
 
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