Community development.
- Thread starter Farrowlesparrow
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When you have a general outline ready, put it up Ill critique it
continue the convo
Tr0n
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Battle of New York:
It was a cold stormy day.The rain pours down harder and harder each hour.I could hear it thump as it fell through a storm drain near me.I looked behind at my platoon.I could see fear in there eyes as they stared back at me,waiting in antecipation for the attack.All of a sudden we started to hear a shake.And we knew what it was."Sir, the M1A2's are near" a Lt. of mine yelled.Then the thunderous shake got louder and louder as it it crawled it's way through the derbry ridden street above us."Ready men" I replied.I could hear the m1a2 tank treds as they crushed the burned bones of hundreds people lying in the street.When I heard that noise I remembered back to the day I got the report of the nuke going off in New York city.
"Sir,we just got confirmation that New York has been destroyed by a nuclear blast" the Sergant yelled in a crisp voice."Did you know who did it Sergant" I replied."Yes sir,We have reason to believe that radical anarchist got a hold of a nuclear warhead during the confusion when the war begin" the Sergant replied.I looked at him with disbelief.All those thousands of lives gone in a second.
"Sir,the tanks are above us.Sir the tanks are above us" yelled the Lt.I quickly snapped out of my day dream and popped open the storm drain.A couple of soliders and I charged the front tank and placed C4 on the treds.When the C4 blew up all of a sudden we saw all the tanks stop.Thats when all hell broke lose.When the explosion happend that was the signal to the anti-tank crew to launch there Javlin missles at the last two tanks.
I popped open the top hatch to the tank and threw a grenade in.I could hear the screams of the tank crew as the despertley tried to open the hatch but it was to late.I looked behind me to see that the troops following the m1a2's was right behind us trying to flank us.But I was already prepared for that.I ran over to a C4 detonating switch I had nearby and waited for the enemy troops to come up the ally way near me where I had the charges place.I saw the first couple of enemy troops run through but I waited untill there was more.Then I saw a whole platoon of them run through.
Thats when I hit the switch.A big explosion rang out as debry and body parts from the enemy troops flew through through the air.I turned around and saw a solider of mine on the ground huddled up in a ball.I ran towards him and asked whats wrong."Sir,I can't take it anymore" replied the crying soilder."Get up son remember what were fighting for" I yelled.He got up and grab his gun and he yelled "Yes Sir!"."Follow me" I replied.We started to run toward a bombed out building.Then all of a sudden he tripped and fell.I looked down at him to see he had caught his foot in a childs burned rib cage.I picked him up and we ran to the nearest bombed out building for cover.
I looked at my map to make sure we was in the right place.I went to the destroyed tanks where most of my men where fighting.I asked the Lt. right beside me if most of the enemy troops where killed in this sector."Yes Sir,We have reports that most of the enemy soilders in this sector are retreating" replied the Lt.Then all of a sudden while I was looking at him blood and brains bursted all over me.I knew that he just got a sniper shot to the head.I ducked down really fast behind a tank.Then the enemy fire started to die down quickly.A couple mintues later the fight was over.Then I heard a fuzzy sound over my radio."General,the enemy troops have retreated to and setup a position at corrdinates 1-9-5 sectore 66 in what used to be the New York Stock exchange" said a Sergant over the radio.I opened my map and looked.I ran my finger over the map pointed.
I yelled to a gunnery sergant nearby that we picked up a couple of battles back."Sergant" I yelled,We have to get the troops to this street as I pointed to "Wall St." on the map."Yes Sir", the gunnery sergant replied.He ran off to get the rest of the platoon back together.I stood up and started to walk the other way.I was walking I suddenly stopped to find a burned up teddy bear lieing on the ground.I picked it up and started to cry thinking about all the lives lost during this god forsaken war that I started.
Well thats it.Thats what just came up out of my mind.I pretty much thought the stuff up as I wrote it.But this is what I'm thinking about putting in my book.But this is only 1 battle out of many that I'm thinking of writing.
It was a cold stormy day.The rain pours down harder and harder each hour.I could hear it thump as it fell through a storm drain near me.I looked behind at my platoon.I could see fear in there eyes as they stared back at me,waiting in antecipation for the attack.All of a sudden we started to hear a shake.And we knew what it was."Sir, the M1A2's are near" a Lt. of mine yelled.Then the thunderous shake got louder and louder as it it crawled it's way through the derbry ridden street above us."Ready men" I replied.I could hear the m1a2 tank treds as they crushed the burned bones of hundreds people lying in the street.When I heard that noise I remembered back to the day I got the report of the nuke going off in New York city.
"Sir,we just got confirmation that New York has been destroyed by a nuclear blast" the Sergant yelled in a crisp voice."Did you know who did it Sergant" I replied."Yes sir,We have reason to believe that radical anarchist got a hold of a nuclear warhead during the confusion when the war begin" the Sergant replied.I looked at him with disbelief.All those thousands of lives gone in a second.
"Sir,the tanks are above us.Sir the tanks are above us" yelled the Lt.I quickly snapped out of my day dream and popped open the storm drain.A couple of soliders and I charged the front tank and placed C4 on the treds.When the C4 blew up all of a sudden we saw all the tanks stop.Thats when all hell broke lose.When the explosion happend that was the signal to the anti-tank crew to launch there Javlin missles at the last two tanks.
I popped open the top hatch to the tank and threw a grenade in.I could hear the screams of the tank crew as the despertley tried to open the hatch but it was to late.I looked behind me to see that the troops following the m1a2's was right behind us trying to flank us.But I was already prepared for that.I ran over to a C4 detonating switch I had nearby and waited for the enemy troops to come up the ally way near me where I had the charges place.I saw the first couple of enemy troops run through but I waited untill there was more.Then I saw a whole platoon of them run through.
Thats when I hit the switch.A big explosion rang out as debry and body parts from the enemy troops flew through through the air.I turned around and saw a solider of mine on the ground huddled up in a ball.I ran towards him and asked whats wrong."Sir,I can't take it anymore" replied the crying soilder."Get up son remember what were fighting for" I yelled.He got up and grab his gun and he yelled "Yes Sir!"."Follow me" I replied.We started to run toward a bombed out building.Then all of a sudden he tripped and fell.I looked down at him to see he had caught his foot in a childs burned rib cage.I picked him up and we ran to the nearest bombed out building for cover.
I looked at my map to make sure we was in the right place.I went to the destroyed tanks where most of my men where fighting.I asked the Lt. right beside me if most of the enemy troops where killed in this sector."Yes Sir,We have reports that most of the enemy soilders in this sector are retreating" replied the Lt.Then all of a sudden while I was looking at him blood and brains bursted all over me.I knew that he just got a sniper shot to the head.I ducked down really fast behind a tank.Then the enemy fire started to die down quickly.A couple mintues later the fight was over.Then I heard a fuzzy sound over my radio."General,the enemy troops have retreated to and setup a position at corrdinates 1-9-5 sectore 66 in what used to be the New York Stock exchange" said a Sergant over the radio.I opened my map and looked.I ran my finger over the map pointed.
I yelled to a gunnery sergant nearby that we picked up a couple of battles back."Sergant" I yelled,We have to get the troops to this street as I pointed to "Wall St." on the map."Yes Sir", the gunnery sergant replied.He ran off to get the rest of the platoon back together.I stood up and started to walk the other way.I was walking I suddenly stopped to find a burned up teddy bear lieing on the ground.I picked it up and started to cry thinking about all the lives lost during this god forsaken war that I started.
Well thats it.Thats what just came up out of my mind.I pretty much thought the stuff up as I wrote it.But this is what I'm thinking about putting in my book.But this is only 1 battle out of many that I'm thinking of writing.
Tr0n
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Sorry about not putting paragrpahs in but I was in a hurry.Okay I fixed it.But like I said this only part of what I want to add.But I will have to wait and see what else.Because theres about 10 to 30 more battles that are going to take place before this one.So I gave you guys a teaser.The story is going to be put up in a journal type fashion.So it won't be like a life story or whatever.
Farrowlesparrow
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Hmm. Seems interesting. What i suggest you do is write down all the ideas you have on a piece of paper (not sat at your computer) and try to get an idea of where the story is going, so a basic outline of the whole thing. Once that is done you should be able to write it out properly as you are doing in the post.
At least, thats what works for me.
What you have written doesn't flow properly. I mean, don't get me wrong its good but you change tense in places where you shouldn't. Stuff like that.
At least, thats what works for me.
What you have written doesn't flow properly. I mean, don't get me wrong its good but you change tense in places where you shouldn't. Stuff like that.
