Confessions of a crime scene/trauma decontamination specialist

[CptStern]

so my brother in law cleans up after people die

facts: pets sometimes eat their owners after they die and have been left with the body for some time ..cats always go for the body immediately ..someone in the industry once related a story of going to a scene and finding a cat inside the rib cage of the deceased

dogs always go after male genitals first

/considers giving up dog for adoption


internets alerted

 

[Hellrider]

Anything else we should know about cats eating us ?

 

[CptStern]

they go for the eyes first

 

[Hellrider]

Now I know not to die near my pets.

 

[CptStern]

well you're ok if you have a dog ..at least for a little while ..cats well they're just waiting for you to die, just like vultures only cuter

 

[CyberPitz]

More stories!

 

[Hellrider]

My cat eats me when I'm alive too.


ooh new guy

 

[Phobie]

That's quite terrifying. I watched this show about those people, who clean up after corpses. It was gross. This fat bint died in her flat and left a HUGE stain on the wooden floor where she fell. It was so big they were like "shame she was a big'un, or we could just replace some of the floorboards.. but these...these will all have to go".

What dignified death.

 

[CptStern]

when you die you almost always empty out your bowels ..so a pretty corpse is just a myth ..and there is no such thing as a dignified death ..not when you poo your pants

 

[Raziaar]

If I had a dog, I'd want him to have my genitals after I died. I won't be using them.

 

[CptStern]

If I had a dog, I'd want him to have my genitals after I died. I won't be using them.

ok I just cant let this slip


so you plan on starving your dog?

:naughty:

 

[Tyguy]

South Park shows this perfectly...*finds link*

 

[Darkside55]

That's quite terrifying. I watched this show about those people, who clean up after corpses. It was gross. This fat bint died in her flat and left a HUGE stain on the wooden floor where she fell. It was so big they were like "shame she was a big'un, or we could just replace some of the floorboards.. but these...these will all have to go".

What dignified death.

That's nothing compared to the woman who died FUSED TO HER COUCH.

Of cats eating the bodies of the deceased...well, at least anyone who has one of those cat-loving mothers or grandmothers won't have to shell out for funeral costs. Just let the cats handle it.

In fact, why bury or cremate? In the future we should just let cats eat our dead. Think of the practicality.

 

[CptStern]

That's nothing compared to the woman who died FUSED TO HER COUCH.

Of cats eating the bodies of the deceased...well, at least anyone who has one of those cat-loving mothers or grandmothers won't have to shell out for funeral costs. Just let the cats handle it.

In fact, why bury or cremate? In the future we should just let cats eat our dead. Think of the practicality.

"oh Rover, have you been eating cock again?"

"jebus, the dog smells like ass, ...and cock and intestine, and lower mandible"

 

[Laivasse]

That woman in France who had the face transplant, wasn't that because her pet Alsatian had eaten her face after she fell unconscious? I remember there being stuff about the dog being distressed and having tried to 'wake' her, but maybe he just thought his dinner had arrived early? On the other hand, in that case why would he just stop at eating half her face...?

Anyways, if I had a dog I wouldn't mind him eating my balls. Cats inside my ribcage would be another thing entirely though.

 

[Raziaar]

ok I just cant let this slip


so you plan on starving your dog?

:naughty:

Oh so you can do it but I can't?

 

[CptStern]

Oh so you can do it but I can't?

heh nah, I would have made the same comment had it been anyone else ....except I wouldnt have put this sentence in front of it:

ok I just cant let this slip

so if you get special consideration, it's the good kind, not the bad

 

[<RJMC>]

well you're ok if you have a dog ..at least for a little while ..cats well they're just waiting for you to die, just like vultures only cuter

what if the cats try to speed up the process?

 

[CptStern]

what if the cats try to speed up the process?

could be ...stranger things have happened

 

[Nitre]

I want to have a cat inside my ribcage while i'm alive so that it can rip itself out and scare the living crap out of people. Although that probably wouldnt work more than once, if that.

 

[Baserape>]

when you die you almost always empty out your bowels ..so a pretty corpse is just a myth ..and there is no such thing as a dignified death ..not when you poo your pants

I agree, most of us will die while taking a poo. So next time you try and pump out a christmas log, remember it might be your last.

/Note to self: Shred the porn Before taking a take a dump.

:angry:

 

[<RJMC>]

could be ...stranger things have happened

one time when I use to have a cat, he was making noises like if something was wrong whit him and them when I go to take a look I dont see him and BANG he comes from under the table and bite my leg and retreat

 

[CptStern]

I agree, most of us will die while taking a poo. So next time you try and pump out a christmas log, remember it might be your last.

/Note to self: Shred the porn Before taking a take a dump.

:angry:

heh no that just happens to people like Elvis


what i meant is that after you die all your muscles loosen up and your bowels purge themselves ..your asshole is a muscle: the anal sphincter

one time when I have a cat, he was making noises like if something was wrong whit him and them when I go to take a look I dont see him and BANG he comes from under the table and bite my leg and retreat

maybe the cat thought you were dead, took a bite out of you, decided you werent dead and is now playing the waiting game ..try to sleep with one eye open :O

 

[Darkside55]

I want to have a cat inside my ribcage while i'm alive so that it can rip itself out and scare the living crap out of people.

Catburster!

 

[<RJMC>]

maybe the cat thought you were dead, took a bite out of you, decided you werent dead and is now playing the waiting game ..try to sleep with one eye open :O

dead in the sense of zombie? cuz I was walking near the table

I mentioned this in another tread

 

[CptStern]

pfft it's a cat! he cant tell the difference between Zombie RJMC and plain old dead RJMC

 

[Baserape>]

heh no that just happens to people like Elvis

My grandfather died with a log hanging out of his ass, he was wearing pink rubber gloves and a heal plaster on his lip when the police kicked down the bathroom door.

:rolling:

 

[CptStern]

lol, (sorry) what a way to go