Half-Life - a screenplay sample

  • Thread starter Thread starter Laguna Company
  • Start date Start date
I haven't read it yet but I bet it'll be shit.

See what faith I have in you!
 
I just read a bad review for the new "Hitman" movie, so your scepticism is well placed.

(If it is "shit", I would like to think it's "the shit".)
 
GORDON
I was just thinking, about this place, all the people, the way it runs. Like a machine.
Click to expand...

You're doing it wrong.
 
Seriously, this may be the worst effort:worth ratio ever, though now that I think about it I don't think you can have a ratio with a denominator of 0.
 
cyk said:
Seriously, this may be the worst effort:worth ratio ever, though now that I think about it I don't think you can have a ratio with a denominator of 0.
Click to expand...

Translation? It's a must-read.

Seriously, what's so bad about it? I mean, what's good about it?
 
That is an amazing read. I thought that the pure emoionalism and strife going through Gordon's mind was simply amazing and touched my heart right there.

On a more serious note, Why is Gordon talking?! He had a bleach accident when he was a child!
 
Acepilotf14 said:
On a more serious note, Why is Gordon talking?! He had a bleach accident when he was a child!
Click to expand...

I did think about giving Gordon a little bleeper type device, so he could approach a character, bleep and have them say something to him, such as "Stop BLEEPing bleeping, Freeman!"

And then I thought, what about giving him a gun? One gunshot means "Get out of my way," two might mean "You're dead. LOL!!" or something.

Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
 
Laguna Company said:
Seriously, what's so bad about it? I mean, what's good about it?
Click to expand...
I - I could teach you, but I'd have to charge my milkshake.

I don't really have time to write a serious response, but the Gordon one wasn't that great. Adrian neither. Barney was tolerable, and certainly better than the others. I will write something! Sometime! The dialogue was implausible? There were no lesbians?
 
What I read I enjoyed, I didn't expect it but the Gordon dialogue seemed great to me. But this would never work. I realized, as I got farther on, that this wasn't following the HL time line, that this was taking place days before the Black Mesa incident. If this works it has to follow the time line or go in a completely different direction, we can't throw in made up back story. I suggest you go with what we know, the Half-Life story from start to finish, and do your best to adapt it to a screenplay.

Didn't mean to come off as harsh, I really did like it.

Oh and if there ever is a Half-Life movie and Gordon says this:

Semicolon right-bracket.
Click to expand...

I will go on a killing spree. No joke.
Ok, a little bit of a joke.

Keep up the good work.
 
I, too, will kill if said line ever appears in a real film.
 
corporal sheperd said:
this wasn't following the HL time line, that this was taking place days before the Black Mesa incident.
Click to expand...

My intention is that this sample covers events in real-time, from the tram ride to the resonance cascade to the immediate aftermath. That's the way I tried to design and edit the scenes. I'm sorry that didn't come across...

Could I ask why you think this sample takes place days before the Incident? If you didn't read the whole thing, please do, as the cascade is featured and I hope it has an impact, so to speak ;)

I absolutely agree that the Incident is central. My take on that intro from the game was to just make it ordinary and, at the risk of boring everyone to tears, mundane. The Black Mesa environment may be extraordinary, but these people work there day in and day out.

So barely any of the dialogue I wrote is fron the game. I just wasn't keen on transcribing it all.

Anyway, thanks for your feedback, Corporal. And if you're a real Shephard fan, be sure to check out the the second screenplay sample - though you may absolutely hate my take on the character.
 
Sulkdodds said:
I, too, will kill if said line ever appears in a real film.
Click to expand...

It is an odd line, but I think he'd do something goofy like that, rather than have enough sense to directly respond to Barney, "Yes, I'm just joking."

To me he (Gordon) can be a bit of an anti-social dork, at least in this first act. He's somewhat self-centred and arrogant. He's just a guy with his own flaws and foibles and most definitely not a hero at this point in the story.

That anti-cool, anti-macho side of the character is an apsect of the games I really enjoy, and I saw it as a useful way in to humanising the character so he actually has an emotional journey to go on.

But, hey, if I can't come up with a better line I might give this one the snip.
 
Just something simple like "I never joke" deadpanned would probably be better?
To be honest, as far as Gordon ever had a 'character' (not very) I certainly never imagined him actually as a dorky dork. Just a serious guy. He's a quantum physicist, he doesn't work in a LAN cafe.

Oh but wait I am getting into the detailed critique of your script that I promised I would write but don't want to write just yet!

Transcribing dialogue from the game would never work anyway; game dialogue, at least in Half-Life, has completely different demands to movie dialogue as it's one-sided, has to act as an in-game instruction manual and is almost entirely exposition.
 
Sulkdodds said:
To be honest, as far as Gordon ever had a 'character' (not very) I certainly never imagined him actually as a dorky dork. Just a serious guy. He's a quantum physicist, he doesn't work in a LAN cafe.
Click to expand...

That's true.

I definitely don't want to do what some movies do with their "boffin" characters.

I would never do some grotesque, oh-so-not-funny caricature. You know, Freeman with acne, the hems of his trousers four inches above his feet, total clutz without his glasses, etc. That kind of "movie" character is not what I want to see.

The way I tried to write Freeman overall is that he is very serious, very committed, but maybe just impatient, wanting something big to happen. And boy does he get it when the resonance cascade hits.
 
Laguna Company said:
My intention is that this sample covers events in real-time, from the tram ride to the resonance cascade to the immediate aftermath. That's the way I tried to design and edit the scenes. I'm sorry that didn't come across...

Could I ask why you think this sample takes place days before the Incident? If you didn't read the whole thing, please do, as the cascade is featured and I hope it has an impact, so to speak ;)
Click to expand...

I'm sorry, I only read the beginning, scrolled to the part with the party, and just assumed it took place at a later time, not within the research facilities. My understanding of the time line: 1) Gordon on tram, on way to work (day or days preceding incident), party outside of research facility for Alyx (probably later that day). My bad for not reading all of it.

All that said, I still do think the part with Eli's family should be cut, it just seems too laxed for being within the BM research facilities. I mean, some scientist's wife and kid just walking around, chatting, and making announcements just doesn't seem like something that would happen at Black Mesa.

Other than that and Gordon using smilies in conversations, very great job.
 
GORDON
I was just thinking, about this place, all the people, the way it runs. Like a machine.

This summarizes how terrible this whole story is. Why the hell would Gordon say this to this other scientist? Why would he be thinking it? It doesn't even run like a machine! ARgGHGHJHHHH

I mean, can you just... learn how dialogue works?
 
cyk said:
GORDON
I was just thinking, about this place, all the people, the way it runs. Like a machine.

This summarizes how terrible this whole story is. Why the hell would Gordon say this to this other scientist? Why would he be thinking it? It doesn't even run like a machine! ARgGHGHJHHHH

I mean, can you just... learn how dialogue works?
Click to expand...

But I know how dialogue works.

Like a machine.

I think the line is fine and there are reasons for using it.

I'm glad you responded so strongly to it, because I intend to use it a lot more.

Like, you know, a machine.

Your insightful opinion of the sample is appreciated, so if you have any other comments please post away, as I'd be interested in reading them.

All the best with your writing.

Like a machine,

Laguna Company
 
Alright, I reread it, and the thing that sticks out most is that the characters are very one-dimensional. They seem more like characters in a sitcom than in a drama. And:

GORDON
I didn’t know...I just did what I always do.

Isn't a very realistic reaction. Could use a little more shock, and would make more sense if there was a bit about people blaming Gordon or something. Even then, it'd be kind of silly to have someone go "It's your fault!" and then Eli say "It's not your fault" a few minutes later and have that all wrapped up. If you give Gordon some emotion, that might help. I will say, though, you did a good job making Gordon not an action hero. It really isn't as bad as I said it was, I guess, it was just too... fast paced, there wasn't much character development like in a standard horror movie, and while HL doesn't exactly have a ton of character development before shit goes down, it would be nice if the movie did. Explain more about Gordon and the other characters, that sort of thing.
 
cyk said:
there wasn't much character development like in a standard horror movie, and while HL doesn't exactly have a ton of character development before shit goes down, it would be nice if the movie did. Explain more about Gordon and the other characters, that sort of thing.
Click to expand...

I know what you mean, but the standard horror movie way of doing things is definitely something I want to avoid.

What I like to see in movies in general (even if I'm rubbish at it myself) is the story being used to get at who these people are, rather than a standard movie opening that explains who a person is. That kind of thing often feels artificial to me.

As for people blaming Gordon, that's definitely there in the sample but is simply step one of the emotional journey I have in mind for the character. This whole notion of blame and responsibility is in fact what I see as the core emotional issue for Gordon. Again, that's just my personal take on the game.
 
Hello? I seem to be wounded.
Can someone tell me what happened?
 
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