Post your most fcuked up post

[CptStern]

lol I had forgotten about this one:

"I bet that with a single roll alone I could wrap you up entirely."

Roy Orbison sits impassively like a monochrome Buddha. My palms are sweaty.

'I will take that bet,' says Roy. 'If you succeed I will give you tickets to my new concert. If you fail I will take Jetta, as a lesson to you not to speak boastfully.'

I nod. 'So then. If you will please to stand.'

Roy stands. 'Commence.'

I start at the ankles and work up. I am like a spider binding him in my gossamer web. I do it tight with several layers. Soon Roy Orbison stands before me, completely wrapped in cling-film. The pleasure is unexampled.

'You are completely wrapped in cling-film,' I say.

'You win the bet,' says Roy, muffled. 'Now unwrap me.'

'Not for several hours.'

'Ah.'

:O


from this thread, which was a continuation of this thread

 

[NeptuneUK]

I'm scared and confused.
Someone hold me.

 

[CptStern]

sounds to me like you're asking to be enveloped in cling wrap ....


:O

 

[DEATHMASTER]

snap, I think Sterny's gone insane.

 

[Stigmata]

Sounds more like he's asking if he can wrap you in cling wrap, Stern :naughty:

 

[CptStern]

I'll have to ask the missus

 

[Absinthe]

http://halflife2.net/forums/showpost.php?p=1744972&postcount=13

So what kind of "communities" like that are you apart of, Absinthe?

We like to **** beehives. Occasionally we have get-togethers and one person (we take rotations) gets a metal rod inserted into their anus. More experienced users take the rods with larger diameters. We basically try to loosen up the anus so that other participants are allowed more working room inside the rectum. We then slather the insides with a highly concentrated sugar-water substance. Over the course of a few minutes - perhaps up to half an hour - the anus is spread open in order to invite the bees into the anus. Closing the anus and containing the insects inside - a painful process - is intended for those who have had more experience or wish to attempt more extreme pleasures beyond the tickling sensation.
Optionally, we allow the metal tube to be inserted into the urethra, widening it to the point where the same process can occur. Sexual partners are allowed to engage in sexual intercourse if they wish during the time in which the insects are contained.

We invite willing veterans to flatten their penis (either through painful blunt force or other means) when they feel they've had enough and to then ejaculate the remains into a recepticle that makes for easy transport, that way the younger members have something to finger-paint with.

 

[MiccyNarc]

Absinthe wins.

 

[hungryduck]

This is fine exchange between me and good ole' willeh.

Quote:

Originally Posted by hungryduck View Post
no one ever PMs me.......the day I get a PM is the day I climb a mountain and preach to chairs about the usage of snacks in the belly of whale whom was raised by a jehova's witness on a rainy night in summerton, colorado, a town of bacon-eating laundry machines that are able to spell 34.5% of spanish verbs. Lilting.
Hammer?

Better start cimbing that mountain, preaching to chairs about the usage of snacks in the belly of whale whom was raised by a jehova's witness on a rainy night in summerton, colorado, a town of bacon - eating laundry machines that are able to spell 34.5% of spanish verbs! Lilting. Hammer?
<3
-Tollbooth Willie

 

[Absinthe]

Absinthe wins.

I'd like to say I'm proud, but... I dunno. :|

 

[lePobz]

oh my god, learn how to ****ing shut the **** up and tolerate a few typos now and then. Go flame burgers at BK you ****ing lamer.

Well that's fcuk'ed up for me, anyway ... but it was long ago. And I think I was being sarcastically over the top.

Context Here.

And this one is just funny:

the 'slow mo raping retard' made me laugh too when I realised you actually meant rapping.

"My god Slow Mo, get off that retard!! you sick b#!%&rd!!"

from this thread

 

[The Brick]

Not quoting it, it's not worth a read, but this would be mine.

http://www.halflife2.net/forums/showthread.php?p=2244433#post2244433

 

[DEATHMASTER]

Yesh...eyes hurtzing

 

[MorganFreeman911]

Wow, stern's gone insane.

 

[Pulse]

Very recent in fact: http://halflife2.net/forums/showthread.php?p=2266311#post2266311

So if I had a fond love for scat porn, would it be credited if I saved a group of nuns from being raped by a one legged mexican?

TO THE SCAT MOBILE!

 

[nutcrackr]

how does one search for one's most ****ed up post?

 

[CptStern]

"V'ger wanted what we have, you and I," Kirk observed into the sunset. "What we've shared, and what we have yet to share in the future."

"Agreed," Spock replied. "V'ger rifled through my memories, and in doing so, discovered moments we had shared. It found itself lacking in any experience as satisfying."

Kirk grinned warmly. "Which moments?"

"Anything causing me to feel warmth for you and for our relationship," Spock answered, "such as the time we were forced to stay up all night entertaining the Andorian ambassador so that she would not discover that a Starfleet oversight had left her without an assigned cabin. Or the adventure on Sigma Iotia, where you taught me to speak like a Chicago gangster. Or the incident in the Enterprise swimming pool, where we tried to invent a new stroke and Mr. Scott called for security."

Kirk chuckled. "He thought you were drowning!"

"I am not the most graceful of swimmers," Spock stated.

"All very human moments," Kirk pointed out. "I treasure them, too. I remember some Vulcan ones as well," he added.

"Such as?"

"The time we'd... just finished making love, and you spent an hour running your fingernails across my back and explaining alternation of generation to me. Not the usual human pillowtalk. But you finally made me understand the concept, which two Academy professors had never been able to accomplish."

"Vulcans believe that a day in which something new has been learned or understood is a day unwasted."

"I think that's the way many humans feel about loving, or being loved," Kirk countered. "Good thing we're so good at doing both." He stopped walking and looked out across the bay at the twinkling lights of San Francisco. Spock came to a stop beside him, and he turned to face the Vulcan. "Marry me. Let's keep learning--and loving--together as long as we can."

Spock paused before responding, letting the sounds of the bay crashing against the base of the bridge decorate the silence. "Nothing would please me more."

Kirk glowed and drew closer. "I've always wanted to kiss you on the 'bridge'," he murmured.

Spock raised his eyebrow.



:O

 

[Remus]

:O....:| :| :|

What the hell is going on here?

 

[Lucid]

no gay Star Trek fan fics plz.

I don't think I have any fucked up posts that I can recall.

 

[hool10]

Almost all my posts sound "fcuked" up. Yeah Stern has gone crazy. He used a cuss word! :O

 

[Dr. Breen]

Aw what the hell... sigged.

Anyway, I guess I'll do my part for this soon-to-be-locked-thread: I have a urination fetish and I like to put on a pair of pants that barely fit me, stand in a tub and piss myself. I then lie on the floor with my legs spread, contemplate the social ramifications of said pissing in my ideal fantasy and imagine a middle-aged Japanese man shouting "SHAME!"



Real turn-on.

.

 

[Higlac]

You mean in the past or, post a new one?

 

[15357]

I...... have absoultely no idea what my most ****ed up post is.. Someone enlighten me.

 

[bam23]

You need to post more riots.

 

[Krynn72]

Im too lazy to search my posts. Someone else can if they want's

 

[BabyHeadCrab]

Haha Absinthe, that post is something else :E

I laughed, cringed and generally had a good time reading it?

 

[Jintor]

I...... have absoultely no idea what my most ****ed up post is.. Someone enlighten me.

A lot of the shit where you preach killing an idea, or something.

I don't know, I don't pay attention.

 

[Hazar]

this is my worst post:

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this is my worst post:

this is my worst post:

this is my worst post:

this is my worst post:

this is my worst post:

this is my worst post:

this is my worst post:

this is my worst post:

this is my worst post:

this is my worst post:

this is my worst post:

this is my worst post:
..etc...

 

[Vegeta897]

http://www.halflife2.net/forums/showthread.php?t=124974

 

[Stigmata]

http://www.halflife2.net/forums/showthread.php?t=124974

 

[Yuri]

http://www.halflife2.net/forums/showthread.php?t=124974