Redneck reviews Condemned: Criminal Origins

[Ravioli]

Win on an epic fail scale

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSa6YmLyols

 

[Raziaar]

LOL that was supremely amusing to watch.

 

[joule]

"I found a dead bird in this here refrigerator. Someone musta liked birds."

Ha!

 

[Gray Fox]

Too long, still love the redneck.

 

[CyberPitz]

There is no way that could be real.....right?

 

[Icarusintel]

Fake redneck FTMFL

A real redneck reviewing it would have been much funnier.

 

[Raziaar]

Sounds perfectly legitimate to me. Are you an expert on rednecks?

 

[Icarusintel]

Sounds perfectly legitimate to me. Are you an expert on rednecks?

I live right in the middle of a shitload of them, so, yes. I've never heard a redneck talk like that. It sound like a faked accent of sorts.

 

[Gray Fox]

It's not real just look at his youtube page.

 

[Raziaar]

I live right in the middle of a shitload of them, so, yes. I've never heard a redneck talk like that. It sound like a faked accent of sorts.

It's still amusing even if.

And yeah, based on his profile it is fake.

Still funny though.

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

We should get a resident redneck to review a game.


Yes?

 

[Gray Fox]

yeschar

 

[JFry]

I'd do it but my pooter's up on cinder blocks.

 

[MRG]

Hahahahahaha!

Faked accent or not, I got a good laugh out of it.

BTW, that game WAS scary as shit. Much more so than FEAR. You might remember my review of the game several months back, in which I spoke about one of the enemy types called the "Santa's". The whole damn game sent shivers down my spine. I can't wait for Condemned 2.

-MRG

 

[jimbo118]

Who were the 'Santa's'?

 

[Houndini]

lol thats funny as. lol at the dead bird.

 

[Asuka]

Meh, that wasnt funny at all.

 

[Acepilotf14]

Of course it's not real! Rednecks can't afford video cameras, computers and video games!

 

[Atomic_Piggy]

Didn't really find that that funny.

 

[Wanted Bob]

Accent was funny for two minutes then got boring...

 

[MRG]

Who were the 'Santa's'?

While playing the Department Store level, they were these freaky as hell enemies, that were dressed up in Santa hats. In the background there was Christmas music playing, but it sounded like it was coming through a rusted & bent speaker system from hell.

My original Review:

Greetings all,
One of my all time favorite games is the original AVP, which was released way back in May of 2000. It is my belief that it is one of the scariest game ever released for the PC. Crawling around in the dark, with nothing between you & a hungry alien was a motion tracker & your finger on the trigger of your pulse rifle. I remember spending countless hours playing the scrimmage mode, seeing how long I could stay alive against wave after wave of intergalactic overgrown cockroaches.

Then a few years later a great game based on another favorite movie of mine, Pitch Black, was released by the name of ?The chronicles of Riddick?. That game, while not scary, offered the player an amazing hand-to-hand first person melee combat experience. One of the best ever released for a PC game.

However, no game has yet been released that offered both in a single game, a creepy as hell setting, while at the same time, offering true first person melee combat.

Well that game has arrived & it is called ?Condemned Criminal Origins?

The player is cast in the role of Agent Thomas, an investigator in the FBI?s Serial Crimes Unit, who has been (wrongfully) accused of murdering two of his colleagues while on a crime scene, while investigating a brutal murder of a young woman. The murder they were investigating is the work of a crazed serial killer, dubbed The Matchmaker. Seeing how this is a survival horror game, deeply rooted in fiction, there's naturally more to these murders than meets the eye. Birds are dying all across the city from brain hemorrhage, and ultimately you discover that you have been chosen to play a pawn in a supernatural game of life and death.

1) Realistic first-person view: Gives players the maximum visceral effect.
2) Next-generation lighting, mapping, and filtering: New graphics techniques provide for environments of unprecedented detail and visual quality.
3) Intelligent enemies: Bad guys respond strategically to your offensive and defensive maneuvers.
4) High-level physics: Allows players to manipulate background items, which respond realistically when picked up, kicked, or bumped.
5) Fresh characters and plot: A tightly wound story is backed with strong character development and major plot twists.
6) Surround Sound: Meticulously crafted surround sound will cue players to the location of off-screen enemies.
7) Brutal Melee: The ability to use pretty much anything within reach & within reason is yours for the taking. Knives, Sledgehammers, 2x4?s, Lead Pipes, Rebar & several other unconventional weapons & various guns are yours to use. Each of which do a different amount of damage. Ammo is extremely scarce, so if you find some, might want to save it for when you really need it.

Words alone cannot convey the true magnitude of just how stunning this game is. The melee combat is utterly amazing. The AI is brutally clever, not to mention deadly. When forced to defend yourself, you better pay very close attention, otherwise it?ll be lights out.

To give an example of the AI:

Near the start of the game, I am investigating a murder in this rundown warehouse. All around me I am getting a taste of how incredible the audio is. As I walk into a room, I hear a sound behind me, as I quickly turn around & shine my flashlight behind me, I see a trashcan slowly rolling out from the hallway, then I hear mumblings and what sounds like footsteps running away. So I follow. All the while the audio has me transfixed. Even with my old 2.1?s I am hooked. I can only imagine how the game sounds like on a good set of 5.1?s which is what the game defaults to! As I progress around a corner, a bigger room opens up, just at the very last possible second, I see from the corner of my eye, a guy run and hide behind one of the pillars supporting the roof. Had I not been paying attention, I would have missed him & walked into his trap. As it was, I still got owned. So now that I saw him, I slowly walk up to the pillar, thinking I could sneak up on him, well he heard me & jumps out (in an extremely lifelike manner!!) & proceeds to attack me. It?s at this exact moment, that I realize, I have never fought any enemy even remotely as clever as this guy. He comes at me with a 2x4 swinging wildly, I manage to block his first swing, & follow with a swing of my own, ( I decided to save my ammo, so I have a firm hold of the barrel of my gun so that the stock is sticking out to be used in a pistol-whip manner) I manage to hit him & he reels back in a fashion that was creepy, because it looked pretty darn close to how a guy WOULD reel back if hit. As he staggers back, I step in to kick him, except he was ready & allowed me to get close, as I did so, he dropped the staggered act and came at me with a totally different attack than he did just a moment ago. I am hit hard & blood splatters across the screen. Whoa! I manage to lash out again with a wild kick & get a glancing blow, knocking the 2x4 from his hand. As I get ready to press the attack, he charges me and grabs me around the throat and begins to choke me, All this is in First Person don?t forget, so I get a good look ay his ugly mug. My screen starts to go red. As I manage to shake him off ( there is a special way to do this!! ) I am stunned. I see through a red haze, the guy looking all over the place for his weapon. Unable to find it, he runs over to a pallet leaning on the wall AND PULLS ANOTHER 2x4 FROM IT!! All in the space of a few seconds this has happened. The guy then turn towards me and leaps at me with the 2x4 held in both hands above his head, as he lands he brings down the 2x4 in a chopping manner & I?m killed right then & there.

WOW!!!

As my heart is thumping like crazy, I reload and fight that same guy over a dozen times & each time he fought me a different way. If I manage to hit him enough times without killing him, ( Depending on my attacks!! ) he?ll stagger and fall to his knees. At this point you have 1 of 5 ways to kill him. 4 of the 5 ways are finishing moves & the 5th is by simply shooting him or hitting him again.

However, if you do nothing he gets back up and comes after you again?..

The graphics are very nice. Crisp & clear. I would however like to advise that you get this game ONLY if your PC is fast. My PC is clocked @ a slow 3.4ghz & it was having a very hard time running this game at full graphical settings. Also unless you have a widescreen monitor, you?ll notice that this game will *only* run in widescreen format, even if your monitor is not a widescreen. This just means that you?ll have Black stripes at the top & bottom of the screen. Soon as the game starts though, you?ll be too busy to even notice.

You know, forget it. I?m not gonna say anything more about this game. Just go out & get it. You?ll be glad you did.

Official Website:
http://condemnedgame.com/index.php

I give this game a 4.5/5

-MRG

 

[nurizeko]

Ah, funny.



Would love to watch a redneck reviewing HL2.

 

[Acepilotf14]

Playing the level Ravenholm.. or maybe Lowlife.