Something I created back on black mesa: source

W4d5Y

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here goes:
Default Re: Descriptive Writing (Give it a go)
Disclaimer: I take no responsibility for incinerated eyes among other stuff.

'Tango one, rappel down. The shaft clear so far.'
'Roger that, control.'
The four ghostly figures were hanging idle on their ropes. Apart from the team leader switching off his voicecom, all was silent and their movemens were calm.
The captain raised his fist and gave through his orders to the team
'K, rappel down, investigate the area and don't hestiate to take out anything hostile.
After clearing you report in and report any hostile encounters.'
'Sir, yes sir.' the three other marines yelled in chorus, with a swift turn of their hands preparing for further rappeling down the elevator shaft. They have been sent in early this morning, not having a clue when exactely, due to the pretty spontaneous order to move in. They didn't even know *where* they are. All they saw when they were flown in, parallel to dozens of other choppers, was mamofd, as they personally recall, and a dam. All was somewhere east of their headquarter, as they flew towards the dawn of the sun for a few miles, and their base was located in the middle of New Mexico.

Regardless, without their knowledge, they were dropped inside one of the huge contructions located in the confines of the Black Mesa research facility. Cleverly hid
between narrow canyons and unoverseeable Butes, the Black Mesa facility definately was a military administrated 'research' facility like no other...With it's existense never revealed to the public, the soldiers that met at the drop zone were astonished, obviously. But also unknowing and unaware of what catastrophy they were to encounter, below the shimmering concrete surface of the mere skin of the superdimensional site.

They managed to clear their way throughout stacked crates and surprisingly devastated looking hallways with rubble, burying whole passages for reasons unknown, complicating their progress, but also finding scary bloodprints on floors and trails leading into empty offices and ending in front of airvents without any obvious trace of its source, to the administrative and office complexes in sector D, which could be easiliy described as frighteningly clinic enviroment with neverending rows of dull white-black coloured squares for floors.
Note by the author: The floors WERE dull.

However, albeit the dangerous looking enviroment they haven't yet had encountered anything serious, or any life at all, apart from cockroaches and fade, highpitched distant whines at some occasions, but nothing else. Not yet anyway, until the discovered a savaged corpse of man in lab coats, with bite wounds all up his chest, leaving the grunts terrified and irrated, wondering about the origin of the body's wounds.

But following their orders to investigate and neutralize a 'unidentified biological threat', they had descended deeper into the facility. And right now they were about to enter one of the many floors of office space to investigate.
'Stand clear and follow my lead, team bravo is going in.' the leader suddenly shouted, abruptely lessening grip on his rope, quickly sliding down, halting, turning his body upside down in mid-air, drawing his berretta 92-fs sidearm and scouting a dimply lit hallway he now oversaw comfortably from the elevator shaft, the slide doors of the current floor being malfunct and sparking weakly like the others above them.
'All clear, prepare for entry.' whispering into his com, his three reliable servants followed his trail down the shaft, halting next to his both sides, drawing their pistols themselves, each one revealing a different firearm, one featuring a laser sighted deagle, one a glock and so on.

'Smoke and clear' the leader ordered, the team's recon discarding his firearm, pulling out a smoke grenade instead, removing the pin and waiting for the leader's go. They were low on smoke grenades already, after checking the upper floors first, but safety first.
One could hear a 'Clear!', metalic sounds produced by the bouncing grenade and a low sounding explosion, embedding part of the corridor in thick fumes, all way up its diametre. The next moment loud wushes fillled the air, ziplines being slid down, thuds of heavy military engineered boots and the four figures rushing thourgh the smoke. 'Area secure!' one of them shouted, ordering the rest to kneel onto the floor. Huddled, nervously scouting the area for potential hazards, seeking cover, they remained silent for half a minute or so before daring to move again. Cowering behind a bench, one of the soldiers, equipped with a hefty SAW-machingun of sorts, checked his gps device. 'Nothing here.'

'Uh, not yet...' his collegue with the m40 sniperrifle stated.
'Huh? Whaddya mean, Will?' the demo guy replied back.
The sniper just nodded towards a flickering light. What they saw was the sight of a lifeform so far. Or rather, a human. Technically a human body, as they were to discover in a few minutes' time. 'STOP!' the demoman screamed towards the dark figure. With it's back turned to the crew and nothing but dim flickering lights they couldn't estimate in what shape the person was, but they were identifying he was wearing a labcoat, but upon closer inspection, big horrible flesh wounds were clinging through the clothing. The team raised their guns and requesting the subject to move. Obviously he was alive. And concious. The weird man just stood there, not reveiling his face. Just mowning silently, in pain obviously. Not knowing what do the four soldiers looked at one another 'Maybe he's daft...' the heavy gunner suggested
'Nah, let's find out' the sniper replied, placing a precise shot in the narrow ceiling just above the subject. A shot, a bullet flying through the air in an eye's blink, debris and dust being jettisoned out of the ceiling leaving a clinging bullethole. Dust flew around and continueosly came to halt, resting on the figure's shoulders
'Maybe he's blind as well' 'Stop talking ****, man!' 'Seconded, bravo zero!' the recon jokingly joined in the conversation between the leader and the sniper,
but his chuckle soon stopped when the person suddenly started to violently scream, raising his arms, walking around in circles, slaming his arms against the walls to his left and right, among other weird behaviour. Disgusted by the sight, the team once again exchanged wrinkled eyebrows, awaiting a proposal of one another.
'Okay, screw this, Jack?' 'Yeah, sir?' 'Locate a computer in one of those offices and Get me a report through to the headquarters, NOW!' he yelled over his shoulder
'Roger that!' Jack, the recon, replied, rushing over to one of offices. After rattling the lock a few times, he reported 'It's locked sir, but I can see a pc in there!' 'Then use breaching charges, goddamnit, while we take of this sucker. 'K, got it.' he replied, attaching a charge to the door, blasting it into pieces, 'hey, get this quick, this guy is scarrying me with every minute' the demoman shouted aggravated. Sure tension was high, though the weird man seemed to ignore them, still not revealing his face from the dark shadows of the hallway to the GIs.

Meanwhile Jack had located and started up a computer in an office a few feet away of the scene in a corridor to the left of the hallway. The system run. But he couldn't get past the boot system. 'What's wrong with you ****er' he cursed, turning over to the back of the computer, discovering a thick yellow liquid spilt over the chassis. 'Great, this thing was toasted.' He thought to himself, only when he heard something crackling behind Mountains of paper and some over turned shelves. He shrieked up, drawing his Spas shotung, squiezing a round into the paper covered floor at the not-so-far end of the small room, his face pale, turned white, not daring to breath for a few seconds. Remembering his mission briefing, he switched
on his thermal vision, starring into the dark confines of the room. No trace of life anywhere. Relieved he cocked his shotgun, ejecting a shell, which gently bounced of the floor. 'You're just dreaming' he said to himself and quickly left the office.

Returning back to his team he made his report. 'What?' the leader said angrily
'you didn't get through?' 'Sir, it's the computer...there was something...' 'I don't wanna hear your stories, we'll try to get through with the comlink, talking into the microphone in his helmet. Stepping closer to the elevator shaft and after a few tries he managed to get a connection. In the mean time, Jack asked how their subject was doing, 'that sucker's crazy. He just ignores us. He just steps aroound and roars. But it's pretty weird I have to admit..' the leader told him. The next moment they had a working connection with the hq. 'Bravo team, why did you call in. What's your situation?!' a calm female voice spoke out of the comlink. 'Uh, we got a suspect here. But er, he's not hostile.' 'Repeat, subject is safe?' the voice asked more out of curiousity than asking about the actual situation. 'What shall we do with him? I propose we get a rescue team down here. He looks pretty pissed as far as we can see.' 'Okay, first make sure he is secure.' the woman requested, 'We don't wanna get in trouble.' 'What?! Come on, what do you mean? I told you already: he IS secure!' 'Well, wait for further orders then. Nice talking to you.' the voice finished and the connection faded away. 'Wait! hey?! Wait a second, what are we supposed to do?!' the leader screamed in hysterically, not wanting to share more of his time with the crazy dude up the hallway. '****!' he cursed, 'Why do they leave us waiting? He's no threat at all. Look at him, a bullet in his chest and he's down already. I am even surprised why he is still alive' the leader said to Jack, in disbelieve. Having another look at the person, that still didn't stand still but walked around in circles, screaming, with no sign of even noticing the grunts. Jack's eyes slowly struck wide open. 'Waita sec, Bravo one? Bravo one, why didn't we see him when you tracked the area?' he yelled at the soldier with the machine gun, he still was kneeling and carefully aiming at the mad figure. Shouting back to the noise of all the screaming, he replied he didn't here the question. 'I SAID WHY YOU DIDN'T TRACK HIM DOWN' Jack shouted back, 'DID YOU GET THAT? OVER!' 'AH, I GET IT!' he replied back, smiling after successfully understanding the question. But the more he understood, the corners of his mouth slowly dropped. 'WHAT IS IT?' Jack asked, irrated by the demoman's looks. Slowly pulling out his gps device, he didn't trust his eyes. He could see the man up the hall way, who obviously wasn't doing really fine with his wounds but proofed ot be pretty much alive. Jack ran over to the demoman, bravo leader following, the sniper being unconcerned by all the shouting, only concentrating on his target, focusing it through the rifle's gunsight.

'Hell, what is it?' the recon asked in hestitation 'My God, you ain't gonna believe this, bro.' the afro-american guy with the tiny gps device in his hands replied.
'Just look at this screen.' The three of them read what the gps said, and slowly rose their heads, jaws dropped of course. The man was there, right there- But the gps told otherwise. Although he didn't show any physical impairments, judging by his movements, the gps said, that there wasn't anything alive in this sector.
'this is wtf.' bravo zero exhaled, the sniper finally looking over the the little, confused group to his left. Everything was said by showing him the gps.

After a while, the recon shouted 'All right, this is it. I'm gonna check it out, you guys cover me.' and ran off towards the figure, which was 15 yards ahead or so. His team acknowledging and readying their firearms.
Slowly approaching him from behind with his spas, his secondary weapon of choice, a SCAR-cqc shouldered, making a stop a step away from the subject.
The man had his back turned towards him, everything recognizable about him only being a simple labcoat. Walking up with even more care, he pointed his shotgun into his back at point blank. Once he touched the gory skin, the figure turned around, and within a split second Jack was lying on his back, his chest torn into bloody pieces and a shell less in his chamber, fortunately it's pellets having found a new home in the man's chest. Now seeing it face to face, Jack started to scream in horror, shouting back at his team in inarticulated bits of sentences. '********, what happened?!' the demoman asked the remaining team, bravo zero only replying 'obviously he attacked him, you idiot.'. The sniper corrected him. '*It* sir. IT attacked him.'
'SHOOT THAT ****ER ALREADY!!!! I GOT A ****ING CODE LIMA!!' jack screamed back down the hallway, lundging towards the safety of his team on all fours. 'You heard him! BOYC! FIRE AT WILL!' the leader yelled, only with a few slight traces of self controle in his voice. The floor was littered with empty cases shortly after. The creature was down, no matter what it actually was. 'Jack, it's over! We nailed him already!' 'Sheesh, thanks guys!' he replied back, still on all fours and half way up the hallway, heavily breathing and finally coming to rest, finding the time to cock his shotgun. But first he would faint, prior to getting a shot of morphium by the captain to get him working again.

After a few minutes, or a short moment of absence of Jack's major brain functions, he was up again. At least he retrieved conciousness again. 'hey, he's getting back! Dude, are you all right?' was the first thing he would hear after his short break. Looking down to his legs he discovered metres of bandages around his chest, partly baved in blood. '****, what was that thing?!' he shouted out, already being as disturbed as before his peacefull 5-minutes off. 'Dude, it's al right. We took it down.' 'Yeah, it's scared me to death, too. We'd just shoot it again, so it won't take over one of us, just to make sure. It was bouncing around after it left its old hostbody, you know.' 'huh?! What the heck are you talking about? What 'it'?' Jack asked irrated. 'Don't you remember? Oh, you probably had a blackout. You were under stress when it struck you, no surprise you don't know the details. But first, let's help you up. And show it to you.' The demoman gently whispered. 'What, you mean 'it'?' Jack asked, while his team pulled him up onto his legs, the excrutiating pain in his chest didn't allow him to talk.
They pulled him towards the body, or rather the *bodies*. 'here you go, mate. This is why that fella attacked you.' 'I can't see a thing...just blood.' 'Ha, not normal blood!' the sniper said with contempt, lighting a flare, holding up the corpse and the headcrab just next to it. 'Jesus Christ...what is that thing? Where did it come from?!'
'I don't the **** know, but we're going to find out...
whaddya think? :naughty:
 
I've only gotten half-way, but I gotta point something out:
'Maybe he's blind as well' 'Stop talking ****, man!' 'Seconded, bravo zero!'

Every time some one else speaks, you should start a new line, it gets confusing to know who's talking, you've done that a few times.

But I do enjoy the storyline, just work on your spelling.
Overall, great work!

Yeah, it was good, and realistic. I enjoyed it, but the talking parts are a bit confusing :S.

But it was fun to read.
 
If you format a bit more, it will become automatically more enjoyable. As Ophiguris, says - lines plz.
 
it goes off after 24 hours. BUT you COULD Re-Write it and re-post it!
But that would take time... IF I ever had time, I'd write a story of my own, not sure what about yet...
 
Dude, six words: ctrl a, ctrl c and ctrl v should do the job XD
Well, yeah, that would take away a lot of space, meh. :(
 
I'd post this story i'm working on, but it's like 17 pages and 6 chapters. plus, I don't have it on this computer :(. Eventually, when I do manage to find it a way here, I'l just post one chapter at a time.
 
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