The Complete Works of Teh_Poet

Your smile
Lifts me so high,
As high as a mile,
Gravity, I yet defy.

Helped by your love,
Backed by your beauty,
I fly like a dove,
You give my jubilee.
 
Teh_Poet said:
Your smile
Lifts me so high,
As high as a mile,
Gravity, I yet defy.

Helped by your love,
Backed by your beauty,
I fly like a dove,
You give my jubilee.
Click to expand...

Almost there, but I think a better word could be used for 'give'. Depending on the intended context, you could use "shape" if you mean create jubilee, or "compel" if you mean cause jubilee.
Your second stanza is showing real progress!
 
Very nice poetry you write. I've always wanted to write poetry and such but I don't have any idea how to organise the sentences and make it "flow", etc, the absolute basics.
 
your poems are great, but sometimes poetry is more effective if it doesnt rhyme as such. It lets you think more about the language you use, instead of which words rhyme.
 
staticprimer said:
Almost there, but I think a better word could be used for 'give'. Depending on the intended context, you could use "shape" if you mean create jubilee, or "compel" if you mean cause jubilee.
Your second stanza is showing real progress!
Click to expand...

How about "You define my jubilee"
 
I hate poetry, it means nothing to me. I also rarely understand it. I'm a technical thinker, not creative.

Anyway, good luck with Teh poetry Teh_Poet.
 
Vigilante said:
I hate poetry, it means nothing to me. I also rarely understand it. I'm a technical thinker, not creative.

Anyway, good luck with Teh poetry Teh_Poet.
Click to expand...

Well, that was a pretty useless post.
 
Teh_Poet said:
How about "You define my jubilee"
Click to expand...

Looking over it more, I think the last line should be scrapped. The first two lines in the stanza are related, and I think it would feel better if the last two lines were connected in a similar way. Something along the lines of "Your (attribute here) sets me free". I dont think the word should be something that hasn't been used yet in the poem though.

Also, you might want to add a little to the very first line, it seems a bit brief and looses its significance. I was thinking maybe "Your lightest smile"
 
Your smile
Lifts me so high,
As high as a mile,
Gravity, I yet defy.

Helped by your love,
Backed by your beauty,
I fly like a dove,
Your radiance sets me free.
Click to expand...

How does this sound?
 
I like radiance. Auroral, though, seems chunky. How about hypnotic or enamoured?
 
Your mesm'ric smile
Lifts me so high,
As high as a mile,
Gravity, I yet defy.

Helped by your love,
Backed by your beauty,
I fly like a dove,
Your radiance sets me free.
Click to expand...

How does this sound?
 
For now, yes. However, you might want to look over it again later, to give a fresh perspective.
 
Hey that actually is pretty good. If i were forced to do poetry in school i would totally plagarise that. Nice work ;)
 
Let me say buddy your off to a good start, if poetry is your new hobby then youll see it mature more as you grow older.
 
Sparta said:
Hey that actually is pretty good. If i were forced to do poetry in school i would totally plagarise that. Nice work ;)
Click to expand...

lol, that's fine with me. If you want to use my poetry for school work, you can use mine. I won't get in trouble.
 
Every time you’re near,
Heaven comes a little closer.
Whenever you let loose a tear,
It goes farther away.
Click to expand...

How's this for the first verse of a new poem?
 
Passion of Fire

From the passion of the fire
something that I've set aflame,
something I now dear admire
from the guided soul it came,

it was love in all its glory
here to stay forever binded,
here to stay to make the story
it was thing such can't be hided,

from the moment we first saw
I now know that you then knew,
by some otherwordly law
you saw me, and I loved you,

it was then the stars collided
time had stopped, and it couldn't be,
I now know how much it minded
I loved you, and you loved me.


Tear

the divne creation of the tear
the abstract sculpture of the fire,
the inevitability of fear
the ability to admire,
the simplicity of a sphere
the incomplexity of a tire,
like glue to adhere
like music to insipre,
like wind to dissapear
like sweat to prespire.



Sunset and Sunrise

when the sun sets down upon
what the eyes cannot admire,
evereything we know is gone
evereything we see is dire,
when the rising sun comes up
everything that we know of,
shall be seen in all its bluff
everything we'll see, we'll love.


By. ME.!
 
Sharing poems huh... Well heres one from when i was about 16 yrs old

Progression

The scorched blacken streets
laying to the fragile feet
that drag themselves to
the brackets and iron turmoil
up against the delicate wall
are the signatures of a distinguished call?
conveying, compelling to remain
to the weaken eyes that look to the cracks
the reluctant structures reaching the skies
influential dreams fall and collide
to the broken conceited machinery
that solidifies the message of the creator
the ever consistent calamity welding
that associates to the possibilities
of a perfected, non-corrupted breed
that renders the decisions of us all
the emerging tendency of man
radiating the progression of
the deliberate confined unity
that will ultimately cause the collapse
 
My face is streaked with tears,
The tear I shed for you.
My heart is full of fear,
A fear of losing you.

And through the passing days,
The memories will fade.
The pictures of you I have in my mind,
What is making me so blind?

But I hear your voice each night,
I hear it in my dreams.
I look in your eyes: a beautiful sight,
But things aren’t what they seem.

I extend my arm around you,
I intend to hold you tight.
But once again you drift away,
Why must I lose you each night?
Click to expand...

How does this look?
 
So hostile...anyways hers the poem i think its crap....

Ten times today by Ian (aka marcopollo)

Ten times today,
That's how many I've told her I love her so,
She pretends not to notice me,
She ignores me and makes me feel low,

But maybe she doesnt,
Maybe she really can't see me and just passes me by,
But If that Is true,
I just have to wonder why,

No, but why can't she tell,
That she makes me feel like this,
Maybe it's because I've had my chance,
I've had her kiss,

Ten times today,
I told her how I love her and want her to love me too,
But ten times today,
She's said "I just don't love you"

Edit:My post count is 1337 lol!
 
i made a poem

teh poet is not a very good poet
and he doesn't know it
 
One more time I dreamt about you,
Another night, I got no sleep.
Trying to give myself
Another view,
Trying not to weep.
Click to expand...

I know it's not great, and it's only the first verse, but any suggestions?
 
One more time I dreamt about you,
Another night, I got no sleep.
Trying to give myself
Another view,
Trying not to weep.

But once again, I lose it all,
The tears roll down my face.
Some memories,
Too hard to recall.
But some you can’t erase.
Click to expand...

Here's the second verse...

Yes, I know not all poems have to rhyme, but all of mine do...
 
PoeticRocker said:
Honestly that verse sounds more like something from a rap song.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I'd have to agree, but other than that it looks pretty good. Keep the work up! :thumbs:
 
One more time I dreamt about you,
Another night, I got no sleep.
Trying to give myself
Another view,
Trying not to weep.

But once again, I lose it all,
The tears roll down my face.
Some memories,
Too hard to recall.
But some you can’t erase.

I try and remember the best of you,
And try to forget the worst.
Trying to start
This life anew.
But for your beauty I thirst.
Click to expand...

The first line of the third verse sticks out, though...
 
Every time you’re near,
Heaven comes a little closer.
Whenever you loose a tear,
It moves farther away.

And every time you leave,
A darkness comes: enclosing.
Is this love naive?
I feel something opposing.
Click to expand...

How's this for the first two stanzas of a poem?
 
You spelled lose wrong. In line 3, it should be spelled 'lose' and not 'loose'.

Nonetheless, great poem. I like your work. :)
 
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