The Daily Citizen - a many people post newspaper

[SamuraiKenji]

lol
draw us some pics of these zombies and headcrabs

 

[Omega11]

Maniac on the loose!
This just in; a maniac by the name of Dr.Issak Kleiner has been reported running around carrying a deadly Standard Issue Overwatch Pulse Rifle(AR2) and shooting countless CP's.
We dont know why he is doing this but this maniac must be stopped!
A good citized by the name of Gordon Freeman brought in this picture(featured below)

He took these pictures right before he was open fired on and had to flee.

If you have any information on this madman please report it to the Police.
Thank you for your time.

FIRST off;
I believe that the TDC is written byt the perspective of FAITHFUL citiZENS (not citiZED) of Dr. Breen, THEREFORE, referral to ANTICITIZEN ONE would NOT be positive. Because YOU seem to be writing from the 'Rebel' perspective, STOPPING kleiner would be the EXACT OPPOSITE of what you would want to do (from your <lame> perspective, klling 'coutnless' CPs is a GOOD thing).

More so, we do NOT express personal opinions, ESPECIALLY when we DO know WHY the maniac is killing CPs; He's a rebel, WHY THE HELL ELSE WOULD HE DO IT!

P.S. Your grammar, and spelling, sucks. . . it just. . . does =|
P.P.S. I corrected punctuation in bold, and 'open fired on' would NOT be proper grammar. Also, City 17 has NO police, and I HIGHLY doubt that ANTICITIZEN ONE would (OF ALL PEOPLE) go to the CPs WILLINGLY to give up rebel Intel =|.

 

[SamuraiKenji]

Ok first off i was half asleep when i wrote it.
Secondly it was the first thing that popped into my head.



Now i would like it if you would get off my back because it is REALLY getting annoying that you guys keep flaming me for everything i post.

 

[Jintor]

Then stop posting shit. Duh.

 

[Acepilotf14]

I came into this thread expecting to find shit. Instead I found this very good article from Acepilot. Acepilot, you get a bonus.

WHY thank yah!

BONUS STOCKPILE:
1

 

[Calhoun]

Ok first off i was half asleep when i wrote it.
Secondly it was the first thing that popped into my head.

Never write when you're half asleep. And second, never use the first idea which just pops into your head, since the best one generally doesn't come first.

"Okay, I made the decision of driving over seven people, but I was half asleep when I was driving."

 

[SamuraiKenji]

Lol
I just do what my 94 personalitys tell me to do......
It gets me by...

 

[Saruke]

Stalkers Wanted!

The Combine is a reporting a shortage in stalkers and this translates into job oppertunities for you!

Benefits include: Genetic reconsruction, medical and dental insurance and one company issued laser eye!

All applicants must apply directly to Combine advisor #2134114 if interested.

*Employer not responsible if you become a mindless zombie which bends to our every wish.

 

[Acepilotf14]

STALKER employment Form.
Please fill out the following.
Name:
Age:
Gender:
If you were to dissapear tomorrow, would anyone miss you? [N/N]
Do you mind not having organs? [N/N]
Do you mind having implants? [N/N]
Do you mind not having feet? [N/N]
Are you a member of the OVERWATCH? [Y/N]
Would you like to be one? [N/N]
If you answered yes to the above question, please disregard this next sentance.
Thnk you! A phycision for the glorious Combine will be by soon to evaluate your physical and mental state. Thank you for applying with the OSU.
Overwatch Stalker Union, Copyright 2019.

 

[Omega11]

STALKER employment Form.
Please fill out the following.
Name: Omega 11
Age: 16
Gender: Male
If you were to dissapear tomorrow, would anyone miss you? [Y/N] Y
Do you mind not having organs? [N/N] Meh, no other us for em
Do you mind having implants? [N/N] No, so long as I don't end up with breasts
Do you mind not having feet? [N/N] No, walking on stilts is how I roll
Are you a member of the OVERWATCH? [Y/N] No. . . not yet
Would you like to be one? [N/N] Heck yes
If you answered yes to the above question, please disregard this next sentEnce.
ThAnk you! A phycision for the glorious Combine will be by soon to evaluate your physical and mental state. Thank you for applying with the OSU.
Overwatch Stalker Union, Copyright 2019.

Waaaait, Mental State???
If I'm a schizophrenic, and am paranoid of fellow staff members killing me, will tha affect my application D=.

 

[SamuraiKenji]

STALKER employment Form.
Please fill out the following.
Name:Inkheart
Age:34
Gender:Male
If you were to dissapear tomorrow, would anyone miss you? [N/N]No
Do you mind not having organs? [N/N]No
Do you mind having implants? [N/N]No
Do you mind not having feet? [N/N]Yes
Are you a member of the OVERWATCH? [Y/N]No
Would you like to be one? [N/N]Yes
If you answered yes to the above question, please disregard this next sentance.
Thnk you! A phycision for the glorious Combine will be by soon to evaluate your physical and mental state. Thank you for applying with the OSU.
Overwatch Stalker Union, Copyright 2019.

ill fill this in

 

[Atomic_Piggy]

STALKER employment Form.
Please fill out the following.
Name: Atomic_Piggy
Age: 18
Gender: Her-, er Male
If you were to dissapear tomorrow, would anyone miss you? [N/N] Yep
Do you mind not having organs? [N/N] Not at all, the bastards slow me down
Do you mind having implants? [N/N] Nope
Do you mind not having feet? [N/N] Tricky, but I suppose I could do with some pegs
Are you a member of the OVERWATCH? [Y/N] No, the overwatch are scum
Would you like to be one? [N/N] No
If you answered yes to the above question, please disregard this next sentance.
Thnk you! A phycision for the glorious Combine will be by soon to evaluate your physical and mental state. Thank you for applying with the OSU.
Overwatch Stalker Union, Copyright 2019.

I filled it out

 

[SamuraiKenji]

Lol.
Although i hate my feet cause there heat is ****ed up(when i step on snow its 10x colder to me then it is everyone else)i still like to have them.

 

[Acepilotf14]

NOTICE:
We have ascertained that certain forms have invalid responces. If you chose an answer that was not an applicable response, this is an unfit person for the OSU. Please stay at your cubicle/information stand/kiosk/other for a response team. Have a nice day.

 

[Omega11]

Apprehended, by the OSU!?!?!

Awwwesome c:

 

[Acepilotf14]

We think apprehension is a harsh word. We like to use, 'forcefully invited to a tea party'.

 

[Atomic_Piggy]

Oh! I love Tea Parties!

Hey, is that a- *falls down*

 

[Omega11]

soo. . . not adapted and added as a new member of the OSU? =[

 

[Acepilotf14]

No. 'Forcefully invited to a tea party.'
OSU and OVERWATCH are not responsible for death and/or maiming at aforementioned tea party. We have no genetalia, and as such cannot rape. We would, though, if we could.

 

[Atomic_Piggy]

You didn't mention rape :naughty:

 

[Acepilotf14]

Fixed.

 

[SamuraiKenji]

I loled(not rly)

 

[Atomic_Piggy]

Fixed.

I didn't say who would be raping who.

 

[Omega11]

Our TDC Operator Atomic Piggy has a thing for OSU members ;P

 

[Jintor]

General Memo to all Staff:

Please. Let the Daily Citizen rest in peace. You are all desecrating the remains of a once-fine beloved institution. Leave it be, please.

 

[Omega11]

General Memo to all Staff:

I believe that this forum was remade to be used. . . so why not use it? Return to the valiant (semi pointless) days when articles were turned in, printed, and critiscised, when we all flamed people, and when we didn't go on about OSU.

 

[SamuraiKenji]

Indeed i agree

 

[Jintor]

Then turn in some god-damned quality articles. All i see is relentless bantha poo-doo.

 

[SamuraiKenji]

Meh i prefer stuff like this not real news
This is funny news keeps you living in fear of the next day coming

 

[Omega11]

You know you're OBSESSIVE when. . .

Meh, I've been too busy to turn anything in. . .

 

[Acepilotf14]

I'll go interview Salmon or someone then.

 

[Azner]

Then turn in some god-damned quality articles. All i see is relentless bantha poo-doo.

No U

I want to resign, my article before was quality work.

 

[15357]

*checks in*

.........


good god. I'm gonna have to write something later on.

 

[Acepilotf14]

I'll think of something.

 

[SamuraiKenji]

This is stupid so brace yourselves

The Daily Wort
Wort Wort Wort

Wort


Wort Wort Wort






WORT!!!!!









Wort....

 

[15357]

Security......

 

[Azner]

Coming in sir?

Oh him again.
*Tasers Inkheart*

 

[Naph]

Classifieds

Emotional F/M seeks Comforting Male.
Likes to discuss future.
Loves close comfort, couches.
Worries a lot, needs reassurance.
Have apartment, must share
with M/M/F roommates (3).

Male seeks new friend.
Still in shock of last friends death.
Must be strong (carry body)
and have transport to and from
Antlion breeding grounds,4 miles
off Highway C1 7, sector 6.
Preferred person willing to
change name to Lazlo.

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[Acepilotf14]

AZNER! Why did you leave your posts? The Singaporean children aren't making the toy turrets for this year's festivities! We need moar cheap manpower! We pay them with peanuts! They are starting to act up. We need help in HERE!

 

[SamuraiKenji]

Coming in sir?

Oh him again.
*Tasers Inkheart*

*Dodge with combat ninja roll*
*throws Willies giant uranium penis at Anzer*