Woman sues Diddy for $1 Trillion over 9/11 attacks; other assorted craziness

[Bad^Hat]

Wait, when did he drop the P?

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/diddy-sued-1-trillion-blamed-94101 (Link for posterity, quoting the whole shebang.)

A woman has filed a $1 trillion lawsuit against Diddy (real name: Sean Combs), alleging that he caused 9/11, put her child in the hospital and stole a poker chip worth "100 zillions of dollars."

Valerie Joyce Wilson Turks is seeking a restraining order against the mogul, which a judge denied, but set a hearing for Jan. 31.

Turks believes Diddy, his ex-girlfriend Kim Porter (the mother of their twins) and LAPD brutality victim Rodney King were behind the collapse of the World Trade Center towers, according to court papers obtained by RadarOnline.com.

"[Diddy] went through Kim Porter and Rodney King and knocked down the WTC and then they all came and knocked my children down. Set me up to be on disability and disabled my baby. he put my baby in a wheelchair," Turks writes in her papers.

Turks claims she once dated Diddy, and they have a son together, Cornelius Wilson, 23.

She also says: “Plus I won a lot of money at the casino in Mississippi and Sean P. Diddy Combs has my chip to my money. I heard he gave it to Gwen Allen to hold but she can not cash it in. I want my chip please help me. it's well worth over 100 zillions of dollars, and my hospital keys. They put me and my baby in the hospital and broke my baby 2 legs and sexual assaulted my children and crushed us."

She's asking for $900 billion dollars in child support, and $100 billion dollars for "loss of income."

So yeah. Nothing out of the ordinary here.

 

[morgs]

How could you possibly spend 900 billion dollars on child support without buying your child a continent?!

 

[VirusType2]

and then they all came and knocked my children down. Set me up to be on disability and disabled my baby.

I lost it here.

The baby has been disabled. I repeat: baby is disabled; over.

 

[Ravioli]

Is it possible for her to end up in jail because of this? Shes wasting the time and energy of the courts (which already cant meet the high demand), and shes essentially lying in court.

 

[Stylo]

I read about this. I hope she wins LOL.

 

[Remus]

I doubt she even comprehends how huge the sum shes asking for really is.

 

[Shem]

I'm sure they'll give her ten bucks and a coupon to her favorite store or something. I would do anything for a woman who thinks 'zillion' is a real number, bless her heart.

 

[Stylo]

I doubt she even comprehends how huge the sum shes asking for really is.

I immediately thought this when I saw it. It's like someone with low intelligence has been inspired by all those women out there who try to sue celebrities on false claims to lazily get lots of money (bastards) but she doesn't quite know how to make a convincing legal case.

OMG I COULD GET ZILLIONS OF DOLLARS BY SUING P. DIDDY. Because it's that easy.

 

[MJ12]

Someone needs to make an illustration of all these claims

 

[Remus]

I also wouldn't be surprised if this woman has a daughter named...

Spoiler

Le-a

"cause the dash don't be silent!"

 

[<RJMC>]

A woman has filed a $1 trillion lawsuit against Diddy (real name: Sean Combs), alleging that he caused 9/11

I think this is enough to cover a decade of titles for weird stuffs treads

 

[Warped]

they should make her count to 1 trillion and if she makes it in her lifetime then she could have the money

 

[Shem]

Yeah, assuming she has 30,000 years to spare.

 

[Llama]

they should make her count to 1 trillion and if she makes it in her lifetime then she could have the money

One million = 1000 x 1000 (1000^2)
One billion = 1000 million, (1000^3)
One trillion = 1000 billion (1000^4) = 1x10^12
Assuming 4 numbers spoken out loud per second, no breaks.
= 2.5x10^11 seconds.
/ 60 / 60 / 24 / 365 = approx 7927 years.
Not that likely.

 

[Stylo]

One million = 1000 x 1000 (1000^2)
One billion = 1000 million, (1000^3)
One trillion = 1000 billion (1000^4) = 1x10^12
Assuming 4 numbers spoken out loud per second, no breaks.
= 2.5x10^11 seconds.
/ 60 / 60 / 24 / 365 = approx 7927 years.
Not that likely.

What? What is this? Maths? I pooped.

Sean Combs obviously looked at this and went "Oh no she Diddyn't!"