Your funniest sex moment

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xlucidx said:
A few weeks back, my friend suffered a most terrible fate.

He started ****ing his girl... but she was so damn dry that as soon as she got on his dick his dick skin got peeled all. the. way. down.
Like a banana peel.

Needless to say, I didn't see him for a while... and he has to put this cream all over his dick like every day now.
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*shudders* Thats narsty...
 
Beerdude26 said:
That's pretty basic stuff imho :p
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Shit, that's like saying "hooking the IDE up to the HDD is basic stuff to an 80 year old man" :p. I went from having NO idea about sex or anything, to knowing how to finger a chick. I was happy. :)
 
But really most of it is basically "learn from doing"...

Funny to me atleast; Trying to 'win' by turning the other on while not remaining as turned on... Becomes a real battle after a while - more so when you're in public.
 
IT'S AAALLIIIVVEE!

Come last Saturday, I had quite a lot to drink. And for some reason, booze gets me in the sex mood. So when I get to bed, things start heating up. Well, for some reason, I drunkenly want to try anal. I think I missed the hole 10 times. I believe I remember asking "Is that the right one?!" With a subtle "Nope" from her. I know I got it right when she jumped and screamed, though. Needless to say, no anal happened. :( One day though.....
 
****ing awesome. I'm so glad I told you to put it here.

EDIT: I mean I'm so glad I told you to resurrect the thread, not put it in her pooper...
 
its not fun, especially after you pull out and theres a brown stain on your cock
 
CyberPitz said:
I thought booze made people not horney, or at least not able to get it up, hence 'beer dick'?
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I don't know a lot of Shakespeare but I do know this quote: alcohol provokes the desire, but takes away the performance.
 
Oh - my - God, I'm laughing so hard right now. This thread is win.

****ING LOL @ Bananacock.
 
The most humorous moment would probably be the time I farted while been given head... :eek:

Was very embarrasing
 
ok, so I am at pitzies place and I have had a few to drink, and I am sitting on his couch next to this hot chick. suddenly paitz comes out of the otehr room and points at another chick that is passing by me, and says "Spank her!" So I reach on over, grab her and bend her over my lap and proced to give her some spanks. After I had done that I took my hand and slipped it into her jeans and said to her "Now I am going to make the pain go away." and started fingering her. So as I am fingering the girl on my lap the girl im sitting next to is apperently turned on by whats happening and starts making out with me. Then I wake up....man was I pissed.
 
Kamikazi said:
ok, so I am at pitzies place and I have had a few to drink, and I am sitting on his couch next to this hot chick. suddenly paitz comes out of the otehr room and points at another chick that is passing by me, and says "Spank her!" So I reach on over, grab her and bend her over my lap and proced to give her some spanks. After I had done that I took my hand and slipped it into her jeans and said to her "Now I am going to make the pain go away." and started fingering her. So as I am fingering the girl on my lap the girl im sitting next to is apperently turned on by whats happening and starts making out with me. Then I wake up....man was I pissed.
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:LOL:
 
Kamikazi said:
ok, so I am at pitzies place and I have had a few to drink, and I am sitting on his couch next to this hot chick. suddenly paitz comes out of the otehr room and points at another chick that is passing by me, and says "Spank her!" So I reach on over, grab her and bend her over my lap and proced to give her some spanks. After I had done that I took my hand and slipped it into her jeans and said to her "Now I am going to make the pain go away." and started fingering her. So as I am fingering the girl on my lap the girl im sitting next to is apperently turned on by whats happening and starts making out with me. Then I wake up....man was I pissed.
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Hah! Classic "and it was all a dream" story :p
 
Yeah, Kam is suffering from a bad case of "drinking cough syrup"...
 
I forgot about this...

A few months back im banging my girlfriend right....I attempt to roll off her and i topple off of the bed onto the floor, while managing to rip off all of the sheets and blankets. I ended up sprawled naked on the cold hardwood floor.

/boner

we laughed and got to it again
 
I think a gay chick at my school likes me. We've been hanging out, sort of flirting I guess. Today she gave me a couple condoms (It's like a sign of friendship at our school)and I am somewhat attracted to her. Now, here's the big question-

Does the accomplishment of getting a gay girl to have sex with you cancel out the fact that you're banging a fat chick? (she's a bit overweight).

PS- we haven't intercoursummated yet
PPS- she's pretty damn gay. Short haircut, boy clothes, everything.
 
The disturbing part is not whether or not she's interesting in banging you . . . it's the other way around.
Que-Ever said:
I think a gay chick at my school likes me. We've been hanging out, sort of flirting I guess. Today she gave me a couple condoms (It's like a sign of friendship at our school)and I am somewhat attracted to her. Now, here's the big question-

Does the accomplishment of getting a gay girl to have sex with you cancel out the fact that you're banging a fat chick? (she's a bit overweight).

PS- we haven't intercoursummated yet
PPS- she's pretty damn gay. Short haircut, boy clothes, everything.
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Que-Ever said:
I think a gay chick at my school likes me. We've been hanging out, sort of flirting I guess. Today she gave me a couple condoms (It's like a sign of friendship at our school)and I am somewhat attracted to her. Now, here's the big question-

Does the accomplishment of getting a gay girl to have sex with you cancel out the fact that you're banging a fat chick? (she's a bit overweight).

PS- we haven't intercoursummated yet
PPS- she's pretty damn gay. Short haircut, boy clothes, everything.
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do it, more specificly, in the pooper, then....stick in her mouth?
 
I has no sex stories as of late.

Private Christian highschool... hefty blow to the dick.
 
Kamikazi said:
do it, more specificly, in the pooper, then....stick in her mouth?
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lmao. yea then ya'll are both gay! (kindof.) Problem solved!

My funniest moment? When she woke up. No seriously I guess it was with my ex about a year ago, we were sitting in my room making out and I started to run my hands over her panties and she was pretty damn wet. Now she was a virgin, and she wasnt ready to go all the way, she just wanted me to go down on her. So I started pulling down her panties alittle bit and..it must have been awhile since she wiped her ass cause the pussy juice and skid marks formed a..uhh chinese hot and sour soup like substance.
Well, dont hate me hl2.netters but this didnt stop me since it was all at the back of the panties. I got a taste of her pussy for alittle while and decided after acouple of minutes that no this wasnt going to work out (godbless you 4 chan, it really does taste like sour milk and coins). I came back up and kissed her, so just incase I got something she got it too. I mean I could have been a total ass and jumped up and said "what the **** clean that thing!" But I just fingered her alittle and rubbed her clit as we made out, sharing whatever biochemical hazard she had conjured up in those blue panties. I noticed I had some juice on my goate afterwards, but I didnt dare look. Ignorance is bliss.

the only other moment I can think of is when I got my first bj when I was 13 or 14, and the girl that was suckin me..I kinda pissed in her mouth alittle. I trully didnt mean to, I guess I just couldnt hold it. :\
 
So why are you so sure she wants to get with you? Maybe shes bi..maybe she'll want to act out her male fantasies with a strap on? Who knows, if it sounds good to you then I say godspeed my friend. godspeed.
 
mchammer75040 said:
So why are you so sure she wants to get with you? Maybe shes bi..maybe she'll want to act out her male fantasies with a strap on? Who knows, if it sounds good to you then I say godspeed my friend. godspeed.
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great, now I'm not so interested.

She's kind of cute, too.

Damn lesbians, stealin' all our women.
 
just go for it que, you got nothing to loose and everything to gain.
 
Take it from Kamikazi he works at a porno shop. He knows. Just get to it, plunder that pooper proper.
EDIT: and learn from my horrors.. always smell first :|
 
Que-Ever said:
but lesbian!!!
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A decent percentage of lesbians aren't hot at all, and are desperate or mentally confused. I realize that was not a politically correct thing to say, but regardless, a one like you described might hump just about anything.

If it was a hot lesbian that never did anything with a guy? Then maybe we're talking.
 
Phantom, were talkin about a chubby, short haired dike here. Thats reaching down far in the barrell of gayness if you ask me, chances are shes butt ugly. But I reserve my judgement, until..picture maybe? Your visual, que, is not a good one. All I can think of is this dike that works at arbys up the street with a mustache. I seriously dont know if its a she really..cause she/he is big so it could be man boobs, right?
Kamikazi said:
damn skippy.
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I aint no wipper snapper you hear me???
 
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