AKIRA's monthly "wtf is wrong with me" thread...new realization insde:

[AKIRA]

Hey all,

After the last thread I made and how it spun out of control with the other mock threads(which made me lol ) I was hesitant on making this but I feel that maybe (or hopefully) at least 1 of you would be able to relate or know of someone who is going through what I'm going through.

I have realized something over the last couple of weeks that makes me feel really uncomfortable:

When I was going through my initial anxiety stage (september through december) it was just anxiety. There would be depression in there somewhere but I don't really think it was depression just mostly exhaustion/being miserable which I confused with depression.

Throughout those 4 months, my anxiety was there but I wasn't depressed so I was still able to feel happiness, still able to look forward to things and still able to go out and forget completely about anxiety for a night and literally be my old self again even if it's for a night.

I used those moments as something that helped me get through the tough times. As I went out and had fun more and more, the anxiety/being miserable dropped and dropped until it was completely gone.

A method I also used was my past. I used my past(thinking about good times and stuff) as a tool to make me feel better and make me think that "you know what, I'll be able to be that happy again soon" and it totally worked.

Things however took a turn for the worst...I mentioned in other threads that one day a couple months ago (near the end of january) I just felt empty and flat.

Completely empty and flat..i've never felt like that before...whatever I thought, it'll go away. It never did. So I said to myself ok, i'll just try and think about the good times and use that as fuel to get me through this..that didn't work.

I started to get alarmed..why wasn't this working? This is not normal..at all. People think about good times and essentially FEEL the emotion that they're thinking about right? That in turn makes us feel good and we move on. When this wasn't working I started to really get alarmed and over-analyzed everything I did. Nothing felt right.

My environment didn't feel right, people who I've been close with my entire life just didn't feel right to me anymore. I don't know what the hell happened but I become so disassociated with everyone. I still am not raelly able to connect with anyone.

Just the other night I went over to my friends and we were just hanging out and stuff but it felt like..alien to me. I used to LIVE for just goin to my buddies place lounging around talking hanging out..doin guy things you know just being a normal 21 year old guy hanging out with his buddies. That was my comfort zone..always has been since I had my first friend/group of friends. Never in my entire life have I felt alien to them..

What is going on with me? I can remember the times..it's like I KNOW that it's supposed to feel fun and comfortable but why do I feel so alien? Why did it feel like hanging out with my friends was in a totally different era?

I know my post is jumping around a lot but I'm just trying to convey exactly what this realization is.

Before, my past felt comfortable to me, like I was still the same person and I still enjoy everything that I used to do but now it just feels like my past and who I was..was just in a completely different time-frame, different era, different world, almost like all that was just a dream.

I don't think this is caused by anxiety. I really don't know what this is but I feel so weird, not myself at all and i'm fearing that this is it, i'll never be able to go back to my oldself.

I don't understand how this happens to someone. Have I developed a mental disorder? How can everything that I felt solid about in my life just suddenly become alien?

It isn't just isolated with my friends, also with my family, my girlfriend and even MYSELF. I don't feel like I even know myself anymore..what the hell? lol It's the weirdest feeling and I just want it to go away. I'd rather have anxiety/depression on it's own rather than this messed up feeling.

I don't know if all the intial over-analyzing of myself and my mannerisms/life that I did when I first felt that flat/empty feeling caused this or this is actually some sort of weird psychiatric disorder but I just want it to go away and be my old self again...feeling depression and anxiety is one thing..but feeling alien to everyone that you care for deeply, your own environment and even your own self is just something that is completely out there and would never wish upon anyone.

Anyway, thanks for reading that just wanted to get that off my chest..even then it still didn't evoke any sort of emotion out of me where-as in teh past when I let everything out it made me feel better..ugh thinking this is going to get worse before it gets better lol

ALSO: I am going my doctors on tuesday and am going to ask him to refer me to a psychiatrist

 

[Krynn72]

I don't know if all the intial over-analyzing of myself and my mannerisms/life that I did when I first felt that flat/empty feeling caused this

Probably. It sounds like you've been trying to organize your life into some kind of equation, consciously trying to balance the negative end of it with happy things on the other. I can see that potentially causing you to think "friend x provides z amount of happiness, so I'll hang out with him" or doing it with memories and such. I don't think its terribly unlikely that thinking that way could cause a disconnect the way you are describing.

 

[FrostedxB]

Perhaps going out and meeting some new people would do you some good?

I remember feeling the same way and ended up calling some old high school friends up to hang out, and for a bit it was alright, but after a few times they just didn't feel like friends. Then I went and took up a sport and met up with a ton of others who did the same. I realize now that my old "friends" were really a bunch of kids who have fun with drugs and are ultimately on a path to nowhere. Whereas my team is full of college kids who are very fit/healthy and they just inspire the hell outta me.

In short, be around those who inspire you, make you WANT to be able to do something, and can help you reach you're own goals.

Edit: Read this too - http://www.americanparkour.com/smf/index.php/topic,33670.0.html

Alec says it a lot better then I can.

 

[AKIRA]

Probably. It sounds like you've been trying to organize your life into some kind of equation, consciously trying to balance the negative end of it with happy things on the other. I can see that potentially causing you to think "friend x provides z amount of happiness, so I'll hang out with him" or doing it with memories and such. I don't think its terribly unlikely that thinking that way could cause a disconnect the way you are describing.

That's what I've been lead to believe. I went through a stage a few weeks ago where I just analyzed everything to the point where they became meaningless but I was aware of it the whole time. Like I remember I went out with my girlfriend and her mom to a mall and while we were walking to the mall I just started analyzing the buildings like "that building is made out of bricks which are made out of molecules which are made out of atoms" etc.. to the point where i'm like..well what's the point of anything? What's the meaning of anything..I fear that i'm just too aware of everything and I can't go back to the way I was.

The saying "ignorance is bliss" has never been more true. Is this like a disorder or something? I mean, i'm well aware of what I'm doing and why it's wrong..meh I guess i'll find that out.

One thing that's on my mind though and is really bothering me is the fact that this is now becoming the norm..I don't want it to be the norm, I don't want to forget who I was and turn into this weirdo guy who just isn't right.

**** what i've gotten myself into

 

[AKIRA]

Perhaps going out and meeting some new people would do you some good?

I remember feeling the same way and ended up calling some old high school friends up to hang out, and for a bit it was alright, but after a few times they just didn't feel like friends. Then I went and took up a sport and met up with a ton of others who did the same. I realize now that my old "friends" were really a bunch of kids who have fun with drugs and are ultimately on a path to nowhere. Whereas my team is full of college kids who are very fit/healthy and they just inspire the hell outta me.

In short, be around those who inspire you, make you WANT to be able to do something, and can help you reach you're own goals.

Edit: Read this too - http://www.americanparkour.com/smf/index.php/topic,33670.0.html

Alec says it a lot better then I can.

Thanks for the post and link. See that's the thing though..it has crossed my mind where I thought "maybe i'm just outgrowing my friends" but that just simply isn't the case. If it was then it would've started a long time ago...3 months ago I would've never in my entire life thought or even come close to thinking that my friends weren't right for me.

It says something that ANY activity I once enjoyed or found interest in just doesn't spark anything in me. A good example that I was kind of fearful of bringing it up but now i'm just like what the hell i'll do it is porn.

I lived for porn, even when I was in a happy healthy relationship. What young guy doesn't love porn lol. Now, I barely look forward to porn and when im fappin away im just like "whats the point, why isn't this evoking any sort of reaction out of me" like i'm just in a perpetual state of analyzing my feelings and seeing if I do something if itwill it evoke some sort of reaction? It ruins and saps the fun out of EVERYTHING.

 

[FrostedxB]

I'm going to have to agree with Krynn about the equation thing. In life, you'll never have a true constant. Life is full of variables and perhaps you have suddenly lost interest in your current friends and/or activities and the fact that you're sitting down trying to figure out what *might* be wrong with you isn't going to help. Honestly that's probably why you don't get as much enjoyment from other said activities.

It might be time to take one final look at the past, shut the door, and take steps towards your future. Sit down and make up your own goals. It IS your life, nobody can tell you how to live it. So take a look at all of your options and choose a few that you wish to pursue. Look at people who are successful in your chosen fields as surely someone will inspire you, make friends who are interested/pursue similar goals to help motivate you to your own.

The first step to happiness is changing what doesn't make you happy now.

 

[AKIRA]

I'm going to have to agree with Krynn about the equation thing. In life, you'll never have a true constant. Life is full of variables and perhaps you have suddenly lost interest in your current friends and/or activities and the fact that you're sitting down trying to figure out what *might* be wrong with you isn't going to help. Honestly that's probably why you don't get as much enjoyment from other said activities.

It might be time to take one final look at the past, shut the door, and take steps towards your future. Sit down and make up your own goals. It IS your life, nobody can tell you how to live it. So take a look at all of your options and choose a few that you wish to pursue. Look at people who are successful in your chosen fields as surely someone will inspire you, make friends who are interested/pursue similar goals to help motivate you to your own.

The first step to happiness is changing what doesn't make you happy now.

I really don't think the problem is with my friends or that i'm losing interest in them. It's just everything. It may not even be that I have lost interest but they just don't evoke some sort of emotion. It's not like I'm hanging out with my friends and I say to myself "man this isn't fun or i'd rather be doing so-and-so".

Certain things that kind of give you a raection just don't do it anymore..like seeing nice scenery would make you feel good or like "hey, that's nice" or "that looks awesome"..It's like I somehow forgot how to react to things..yet I can still get frustrated, mad, sad and anxious. It's like all the positive feelings that a human being can feel have suddenly just been taken away from me and it's like I noticed it.

And now I just can't get it out of my head, I can't simply stop thinking about it and just carry on through life adn I can't sit there and say well what makes me happy and what doesn't..seeing as nothing evokes some sort of excited/happy/awesome feeling that I once had.

It's like I was a completely normal human being (with some anxiety issues about relationships which a lot of people have) but now suddenly it's like I lost who I am.

Funny thing is, I used to always wonder how people lost interest in life/became depressed and it just boggled my mind because there are so many things in life that are worth exploring and stuff and that's the type of person i've always been throughout my entire life. Now, I have relatively no optimisim and i can't remember the last time I felt true happiness or excitement in the last 3 months.

Is this some sort of pyschological disorder? Text-book example of clinical depression?

HOW DID IT GET TO BE THIS BAD lol bah!!

 

[Shift]

Mate, I've told you time and time again. What you are feeling IS anxiety, its a symptom of it. Derealization is only really associated with anxiety disorder, I experience what you go through everyday, I have done since I was 12 and I'm 22 now. All you can do is accept its happening, know that it won't damage you in any way and just ride it out, it only gets worse when you think about it too much and let yourself get worried. It will be very bad for quite a while but you get used to it, and soon enough its like its not even there anymore, trust me.

 

[Stylo]

The solution is hookers and crack.

 

[AKIRA]

Mate, I've told you time and time again. What you are feeling IS anxiety, its a symptom of it. Derealization is only really associated with anxiety disorder, I experience what you go through everyday, I have done since I was 12 and I'm 22 now. All you can do is accept its happening, know that it won't damage you in any way and just ride it out, it only gets worse when you think about it too much and let yourself get worried. It will be very bad for quite a while but you get used to it, and soon enough its like its not even there anymore, trust me.

This doesn't really feel like anxiety anymore. I just don't feel like myself at all..i'm calm right now and not anxious in the least bit but i still don't feel right. It started off as anxiety but now it just manifested itself into something that i've never experienced before so i dunno..i guess ill find out soon when i talk to a psychiatrist.

 

[DEATHMASTER]

Maybe you need a lifestyle change, but the psych will probably help.

 

[Mogi67]

Perhaps you're looking for meaning in the wrong places. Maybe you're trying to be somebody you're not. Accept the ways your personality twists and your emotions shift and move with them. If it feels weird to be around your friends, don't be around your friends. If you feel the need to be alone or go somewhere else, do it. Don't let happiness be your goal, it's not an end unto itself, it will lead nowhere. You have to accept the seasons you go through or else you will only fight fruitlessly.

 

[Shift]

This doesn't really feel like anxiety anymore. I just don't feel like myself at all..i'm calm right now and not anxious in the least bit but i still don't feel right. It started off as anxiety but now it just manifested itself into something that i've never experienced before so i dunno..i guess ill find out soon when i talk to a psychiatrist.

I know you think it doesn't feel like anxiety anymore, but it is, I am probably the only person on this forum who knows EXACTLY what you are talking about when you are explaining your symptoms, so listen to me, I know all there is to know about anxiety disorder since I spent years trying to find out what was wrong with me.

You can go to a psychiatrist but even if you are diagnosed, they will either just keep bringing you back for more and more sessions, draining your cash, or pump you full of drugs. Neither of these options will cure it I'm afraid, only you can so that with the ways I've told you before.

 

[AKIRA]

I know you think it doesn't feel like anxiety anymore, but it is, I am probably the only person on this forum who knows EXACTLY what you are talking about when you are explaining your symptoms, so listen to me, I know all there is to know about anxiety disorder since I spent years trying to find out what was wrong with me.

You can go to a psychiatrist but even if you are diagnosed, they will either just keep bringing you back for more and more sessions, draining your cash, or pump you full of drugs. Neither of these options will cure it I'm afraid, only you can so that with the ways I've told you before.

Well over here, seeing a psychiatrist is covered and I have the option of not taking drugs(something that I don't want to do anyway). It might benefit me to know exactly why i'm having this and perhaps they can work with me on ways of decreasing my anxiety and/or eliminating it.

I heard great things about the Linden Method so I downloaded it. It seems to just say what I already knew about anxiety. Apparently it's worked wonders for thousands of people but I dunno i'll have to look into it some more and really give it a shot.

I just can't get past the whole "there's something wrong with me" part whenever I wake up in the morning..it then carries on throughout the day and somewhat goes away when im tired/ready for sleep. Then the cycle starts all over again.

No idea how it got this bad but I used to always be able to get myself out of a rut because I always saw a light at the end of the tunnel and I had outlets that got me through it even if it was just for a bit.

Now the outlets that I used to use like (internet, hanging out with friends/gf, talking with family etc) just don't work anymore and I may have subconsciously made it that way. Whatever the case may be, this is my situation now and I'm just struggling to find a solution to it.

My memory also seems to be really affected. Everything just always seems to be in a haze. For example, mondays I have class that starts at 12...for some reason I thought mondays class was at 8 am..got to school and there was a different class there..wtf i always used to be pretty sharp lol.

Even when I had my intense anxiety before (when I was in a shitty co-op placement, and lived in a shitty house with shitty roommates) my memory/everything else in my life was completely fine..so what's the difference now? I can't pinpoint exactly whats making me miserable. Before i could..it was easy: crappy co-op, crappy house..now? Everything seems to bother me and nothing seems to help.

My hope is that seeing a psychiatrist and explaining everything that happened to me over the last 6-8 months they can use their expertise on the subject and hopefully tell me why i'm feeling this way. Maybe getting a solid answer will make me at ease since I won't use all my time/energy focusing on what the cause is, how im going to get better or if i'm ever going to get better.

It's so exhausting that I just turned myself into a weird shell of my former self lol..very depressing too.

 

[Gargantou]

Yeah, I doubt you'll have much success figuring out what "ails" you via an internet forum.

I just hope you wind up with a good psychiatric contact, because there are bad ones out there that misdiagnose people out of incompetence.

 

[Shift]

Well over here, seeing a psychiatrist is covered and I have the option of not taking drugs(something that I don't want to do anyway). It might benefit me to know exactly why i'm having this and perhaps they can work with me on ways of decreasing my anxiety and/or eliminating it.

I heard great things about the Linden Method so I downloaded it. It seems to just say what I already knew about anxiety. Apparently it's worked wonders for thousands of people but I dunno i'll have to look into it some more and really give it a shot.

I just can't get past the whole "there's something wrong with me" part whenever I wake up in the morning..it then carries on throughout the day and somewhat goes away when im tired/ready for sleep. Then the cycle starts all over again.

No idea how it got this bad but I used to always be able to get myself out of a rut because I always saw a light at the end of the tunnel and I had outlets that got me through it even if it was just for a bit.

Now the outlets that I used to use like (internet, hanging out with friends/gf, talking with family etc) just don't work anymore and I may have subconsciously made it that way. Whatever the case may be, this is my situation now and I'm just struggling to find a solution to it.

My memory also seems to be really affected. Everything just always seems to be in a haze. For example, mondays I have class that starts at 12...for some reason I thought mondays class was at 8 am..got to school and there was a different class there..wtf i always used to be pretty sharp lol.

Even when I had my intense anxiety before (when I was in a shitty co-op placement, and lived in a shitty house with shitty roommates) my memory/everything else in my life was completely fine..so what's the difference now? I can't pinpoint exactly whats making me miserable. Before i could..it was easy: crappy co-op, crappy house..now? Everything seems to bother me and nothing seems to help.

My hope is that seeing a psychiatrist and explaining everything that happened to me over the last 6-8 months they can use their expertise on the subject and hopefully tell me why i'm feeling this way. Maybe getting a solid answer will make me at ease since I won't use all my time/energy focusing on what the cause is, how im going to get better or if i'm ever going to get better.

It's so exhausting that I just turned myself into a weird shell of my former self lol..very depressing too.

Well all I have seem to have come across in my years of research into anxiety cases is that psychiatrists simply do not help, mainly because anxiety is such an undocumented field of mental disorder and they don't have a 'procedure' to deal with it (apart from a select few I've heard about that actually do know what they are talking about). This problem you have now, as you said, is with you from the time you wake up and the time you sleep, because its an habititual problem, you have driven it into your subconscious and by thinking about it constantly, your brain has made it a habit to feel like you are.

That is further evidence to the fact that it is a anxiety related problem, because anxiety disorder is related to amydgala, which relates to memories and controls habits, so you since you are in a constant cycle of 'when I wake up I am going to feel like crap', your brain remembers this so when you do wake up, it automatically triggers your problems.

You can beat this problem the same way you get rid of any habit, by acknowledging you have a problem and what the problem is (which you have mostly done), accepting it to the point of where you no longer fear it (its still there but you are finding it easier to ignore and it doesn't seem to have an 'edge' to it anymore) and then very slowly replacing any old habits relating to the problem, with other better things.

One thing you really need to stop doing, is finding out what the cause of it is, that doesn't matter, its there anyway, you also need to stop thinking of it as a constant cycle (stop thinking about whether or not you feel good or bad in the morning, don't even think about it), just accept that its there and no matter how bad you feel just get on with your life as normal. I will say that it doesn't take a long time with all people, but I've been recovering for a good year or so now and I am still having bad spells (like last night I woke up and my mind was just racing and my thoughts were completely incoherent, and yes my memory has been bad of late too), but all in all it is getting easier and easier.

 

[Gargantou]

Another thing, I have had anxiety problems myself for over ten years, been on meds for them(Got taken off them due to a now treated heart condition and am glad to be off them), I've tried many different forms of therapy and I started with one last year that has actually helped me quite a bit.

It's called ACT, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, I'm not saying that it helps everyone but it helped me, so I'd recommend you look into it.

It's one of the newer generations of therapy, and I guess if one is to simplify it to the extreme one could say that it's about learning how to "accept" your negative emotions to the point that you don't focus on them much, that way you don't give the anxiety as much power over your life as you normally might.

Once again, it might not be for everyone, but it has helped me to deal with my anxiety issues more and I now am better able to tackle things that give me anxiety attacks.

 

[AKIRA]

Do psychiatrists only prescribe pills or do they actually know and perform therapies such as CBT and ACT or is that only for psychologists?

If it's for psychologists then I'm out of luck because over here you have to pay to see a psychologist and i have no money for that.

I know I have to accept it but I don't know how to accept it if I still have the physical feeling of anxiety. Also, how can I take my mind off of it when it's gotten to the point where nothing really takes my mind off of it and nothing makes me happy anymore?

It's extremely easy to just say these things when you have some sort of outlet or activity that makes you feel normal again even if it's just for a short while but when none of these things work then what do you do?

 

[Gargantou]

A psychiatrist's main function is to diagnose psychological problems and medicate them, at least as far as I can recall right now and speaking from my countries perspective.

I only meet my (subsidized healthcare) psychiatrist(Which is a Doctor specializing in psychology and medicating psychiatric problems, no?) when I am to start medications, otherwise I meet my (subsidized healthcare) psychologist.

ACT over here is not subsidized though, so it costs generally 1000 SEK an hour(I think around 140 CAD?), CBT has begun to get subsidized/become a part of state healthcare meaning it's much cheaper over here.

I was under the impression that Canada had a well-developed subsidized health-care system sorta like Sweden?

 

[15357]

I've realized that on some days I feel good, on other days I feel as if there is no hope left in the world of lies and desolated dreams.

I think it's either a cycle (menopause?), or I'm bi-polar. On both cases I prolly need to go to a doctor, albeit of different professions.


Maybe you have the same kind of problem as I do. I feel like shit all the time, most of my friends have been drafted, so I feel very alone, etc. etc. I think bouts of depression are probably normal for most of us, and I do tend to overanalyze myself during these times. I suppose, I just.... live. I mean, there isn't much you can do about it.

 

[CowPunk]

Have you tried exercising? I know that when I feel down, if I go play basketball, run, or do something physical, I always feel better. If only for just a few hours. Not only is it good for your physical health, it seems to do wonders for mental health. A while back, I wanted to lose a bit of weight, and a few things happened: I lost weight, obviously, but I started to be able to focus in school, I was more upbeat. Things that would usually make me frustrated were easier to shrug off. I dunno, like everything, it might not work for you, but it has helped me.

That and going to concerts. For whatever reason, they are an amazing outlet for me.

 

[AKIRA]

i'm trying everything but nothing seems to work..if i'm not anxious i'm feeling flat/depressed and vice versa. I find it extremely hard to focus on anything anymore and im not nearly as sharp as i used to be..clearly it's anxiety..i know it is, but for some reason i can't get past it.

I was able to get past it during the 4 months of coop but things still felt under my control...once i had a serious bout of derealization about a month ago thats when everything got worse..i started to doubt reality, started to think really deep existential thoughts and even thought i was developping schizophrenia...i know i dont have it, and i know im real and my environment is real it's just that the feeling of anxiousness/dread won't go away.

It sucked all the happiness out of me and I never, in my life thought it was possible for me to be this depressed. It's the worst feeling in the world.

I'm definitely not giving up i just need to feel even 1 freaking minute, JUST ONE MINUTE of happiness/normalcy and then I can use that as a stepping stone to change my way of thinking.

I can sit here and "change" my way of thinking until i'm blue in the face but if I actually don't feel some sort of reward or happiness out of doing so then it's pointless isn't it?

 

[Mogi67]

You are experiencing "the nothing", basically the existential dread or anxiety of being, of existence. There is nothing wrong with you, don't think that you are mad, or that there is such a thing as normalcy. I suggest you read Martin Heidegger's "Being and Time" You may understand your plight a bit more. You can find it for free online, it's not terribly long. Here are a couple links for articles on nothing:

http://web.me.com/grattonpeter/Heideggers_Fundamental_Ontology/Anxiety_or_Dread_.html

http://faculty.frostburg.edu/phil/forum/MHeidegger.htm

 

[AKIRA]

You are experiencing "the nothing", basically the existential dread or anxiety of being, of existence. There is nothing wrong with you, don't think that you are mad, or that there is such a thing as normalcy. I suggest you read Martin Heidegger's "Being and Time" You may understand your plight a bit more. You can find it for free online, it's not terribly long. Here are a couple links for articles on nothing:

http://web.me.com/grattonpeter/Heideggers_Fundamental_Ontology/Anxiety_or_Dread_.html

http://faculty.frostburg.edu/phil/forum/MHeidegger.htm

Holy crap haha...that made me laugh and in some sense feel real for about 1/2 a second thanks for the link dude!

I've registered to a forum recently all about derealization/depersonalization(which I'll now refer to as dr/dp) ...maybe not the best thing to do as it won't go away if I keep thinking about it but gah it's so hard now that at the end of the month it'll be 3 months of this and it's just so ingrained in my head that i literally don't know HOW to stop thinking about it.

Everyone seems to say that when this angst/dr/dp goes away, you'll pretty much instantly go back to feeling the way you were before all this happened and that whole angst period will seem like it never happened.

Still waiting for that day to come..it'll be better than having sex with my fav porn star.

 

[cleverendeavouR]

I'm with going to see a psychiatrist.

I used to have really bad anxiety, especially in high school. I probably should have went to see a doctor at 16 instead of waiting till 20 but I was afraid I'd be diagnosed as a crazy person.

The moral of the story...I was put on this medicine called Lexapro, it's for depression and anxiety, I take it once and day and for the first time in my life I finally feel like a human being. I don't feel like there's that disconnect between me and life anymore. So I strongly suggest it. Though a psychiatrist really is only going to prescribe you something. If you're looking for someone to really talk to you and work through things that's a psychologist

 

[AKIRA]

I'm with going to see a psychiatrist.

I used to have really bad anxiety, especially in high school. I probably should have went to see a doctor at 16 instead of waiting till 20 but I was afraid I'd be diagnosed as a crazy person.

The moral of the story...I was put on this medicine called Lexapro, it's for depression and anxiety, I take it once and day and for the first time in my life I finally feel like a human being. I don't feel like there's that disconnect between me and life anymore. So I strongly suggest it. Though a psychiatrist really is only going to prescribe you something. If you're looking for someone to really talk to you and work through things that's a psychologist

Seeing how i'm 21 and like to smoke pot/drink i don't want to deal with side effects of meds. I've heard plenty of horror stories about meds as well and also, i don't want to be taking them for the rest of my life..and let's say i ween myself off of them after a while..what if it comes back? I don't want a band-aid solution. As far as I know there is no known depression that runs in my family..this is the first time that i've been really anxious/depressed so I dunno.

 

[Mogi67]

if it's the first time you've felt like this then it's most likely not actually depression.

 

[AKIRA]

if it's the first time you've felt like this then it's most likely not actually depression.

lol what? People can become depressed about anything. I say it's depression since, you know, everything I used to love and enjoy(including the little things like waking up to a sunny morning, hearing birds chirping, really nice scenery etc) doesn't bring that good feeling that normal people usually get from those things.

When that happens I get really anxious because i'm thinking, shit there's something really wrong with me and am i changing into this weird depressed person you always see/hear about on tv and it goes from there. Has to be anxiety/depression with the usual symptoms of derealization(which would explain why hanging out with my friends/family/girlfriend all feel weird and "off" sometimes).

 

[Mogi67]

lol what? People can become depressed about anything. I say it's depression since, you know, everything I used to love and enjoy(including the little things like waking up to a sunny morning, hearing birds chirping, really nice scenery etc) doesn't bring that good feeling that normal people usually get from those things..

I understand, but that's not necessarily a mental disorder. Also, what do you mean by normal person?

 

[AKIRA]

I understand, but that's not necessarily a mental disorder. Also, what do you mean by normal person?

I guess it's not but the only reason i'm thinking it may be something else is because of my really weird thoughts. Like I always think i'm changing or i lost who i really am but that could just be because i'm depressed..i'm a very analytical person and i always have to make connections..something has to be causing this. So when I first realized I had this emotionless/flat feeling I sort of panicked a bit because i've never experienced that before and my mind went into overdrive trying to think of reasons why it was happening if i really did enjoy all those things etc..just typical anxiety related thought processes.

Normal person as in someone who isn't anxious/depressed all the time, who can think about stuff at hand rather than CONSTANTLY monitoring their mental condition(how am i feeling today, is it gone? am i enjoying myself? etc..), someone who doesn't sleep all day when given the opportunity and then wake up and still feel unrested/anxious.

 

[morgs]

I can tell you from personal experience seeing someone close to me on medication for anxiety/depression that they can help, but don't really improve the situation, they just numb the effects.