best movie ever ideas

[slider3005]

drunk, some names are only known to mme and friends excuse them
add your own, im am making this...i swear

The perfect movie needs
Zombies,
Tits
Cool girls
One fonze like character
Me
The blair witch
Jet li
Bruce li
Jackie chan
And alien abduction
Computer hacking
A reference to another movie
Violence
64 explosions (est)
12 sex scenes (est)
4 sex scenes in explosions(est)
all numbers in the movie must be even
if theres a bomb ticking down it just skips odds
sod
nin
incubus
me
a shot to the nuts
mr T
vin diesel
chuck Norris
all three of them fighting to the death
chuck Norris winning, but barely
chuck Norris turning into a super sayin
needs a deep plot containing 44 twists(est)
drama action romance emo western
cant be a comedy, no one can smile during it
at all
needs a pimp (pref snoop dogg)
me
Gordon freeman must walk through the background (Edward Norton, or Arnold)
A neo nazi
3 black people
2 asians
1 eskimo
2 mexicans
4 indians
the rest of the chars will be white
no native Americans, they are too hard to cast and they all have too much cash from casinos
swords, lots of sword fights like fake anime sword fights (ff7)
pistols only(can be automatic)glock 17)(1 brief sniper scene where someone loses a limb and head)both)
gore
someone who gets pissed and bites someone
mr. miagi
Maddox
Me
Steak and cheese hot pockets
Satan and god fighting to the death for all eternity
Road rash ( sega version pref road rash 2)
Motorcycle off the cliff
Alyx naked
Every super hero (inc mr rogers) (x daredevil)
Bruce willis must die
Robin Williams
Brad pitt
Tom hanks
Steven segal
Jaun claude van dam
Chris walken
Me
Angelina jolie
Members of the press die ( a lot),
press all turn into zombies are killed off immediately like 8 times
the guy from office space Milton and the main char
mr smith but not neo
a seashell
the remaining beatle(s)
drug use
directed by atash
a new super hero that can blow up cars with his mind, but that’s his only power
a super hero that can fly but only sideways and on Thursdays and Saturdays 6 am to 5 pm
fleece sheets
bush as an alien robot sex slave from Pluto (pref midget)
me
general patton
Hitler
George Washington
Osama bin laden singing something emo
A tacp
Everything must explode in the end
For real, explosive will be sold with the dvd and given to theaters to put behind the screen
A teleporter gun
Random person watching tv in back ground, as it zooms all you can hear is “birdman kicked my ass”
Gravity gun
Master chief from halo takes off his mask to unveil steven segal
Who takes off his mask to unveil chuck Norris, everyone at the end is exposed to actually being played by chuck Norris
7 academy awards including best picture and best director
no golden globes
people fighting for the sole purpose of relieving stress
everyone must understand each others motives in the movie and respect each others differences but still fight to the death on several occasions.
Bowing to freshly defeated opponents out of respect
Severed limbs just laying around
Jesus playing ping pong
Jesus killing someone by something creative yet inhumane (ex. tricking someone to stick their head in an oven door, then closing it several times on their head)
A flash video out of nowhere
Me
Alucard
Somebody getting thrown out of a car going over 90 and surviving
Jumping off a cliff and having the parachute malfunction killing the person but at the end is unmasked to actually be chuck Norris who then gets up and roundhouse kicks a zombie in the nuts.
Like 15 catch phrases at least (ex. Boomshakalaka)
Israelis and Palestinians becoming friends
World peace
A shrink ray
Wall paper with elephants saying clever things with one real good historic quote snuck in there
All enlisted
Slightly tinted green unless it gets annoying
All windows have some holiday decoration on em ( wreath, turkey hand picture)
A color I’ve never seen before
Multi colored rocks (bright tints of green pink yellow etc)
A crowbar death (pref several)
Nickleback coming on the radio and someone changing it and commenting on it
Fifa soccer
headcrab
hitler stating how the scent “pure sport” sounds racist
ninjas obviously
pirates
ninjas and pirates fighting to the death, outcome remains questionable ( flashes to pirate/ninja that was supposed to be defeated, the ninja/pirate opens eyes for a split second before the scene changes again.)
b25 or 26 I forget
crop signs
high speed car chase (like 20 wrecks and babys getting flown out of windshields) must be over 120 mph. no fake shit like fast and furious, must involve main char crashing getting out unloading several pistol clips and cutting at least 45 cops in half with a katana, then entering a new vehicle that a baby just flew out of, this must happen several times.
Defecation
Scorpion’s “get over here” miss fires, then breaks down revelaing his true feelings (emo)
Sub zero Dies in the arctic
Goro becomes a short order cook.
Midgets (minime)
Midget with yoda like katana skills
Dorthies shoes are used for evil
Toto humps chuck Norris, roudhouse kick ensues
Incubus and succubus **** in there sleep
Hitler slips on banana peel, lands with nuts on bar
Chewbacca
Ewocs, like hardcore ewocs with 16” black rubber dildos, but they are mad skilled with them, when holocaustisizing people there is porn music (played by incubus) (bowchacawowow)
Nick
Klar
Me
Spaceghost
Fps doug
Underage drinking
Snakes eating things much much bigger than themselves
Goldfish cracker holocaust
scene transitions will consist of a man headbutting a different child every scene change
showdown between ninja squirrels and ninjas midgets, as the squirrels try to take over an animal testing facility , then they all lose from aids
William shatner
Random ytmnd
Sean connerry saying ytmnd
Tom cruise dying (preff by xenn)
Random shot at womens rights
Blow up women getting humped by midgets
System of a down, eggs and beer at the same time
Marilyn mansons “cake and sodomy”
Ketchup revelation
Ice cream and rootbeer revelation
Sean Connery riding on horseback killing everyone in the building with a sword while yelling "there can only be one" then he gets shot by Ebaum but before he dies unveils a dynamite vest and then skips to an outword view of Ebaumsworld corp. blowing up
before he clicks the button but after unveiling his vest
decapitation by meteor
tommy fighting several ninjas (not midgets and more than a couple) with jons boots a baseballbat (****ing epic like)( needs “tank” playing in the background, will loop if need be)from cowboy bebop.
flashes all the best internet sites at the end (like 3 frames each)(Maddox gets 5)
someone dying from talking back

add some, take some away. this is not finished by far.

 

[15357]

Lawyers.

 

[joule]

Lawlers.

 

[Geogaddi]

The death of this thread.

 

[evil^milk]

Tits.

 

[Viperidae]

Short Recoil.

 

[Dog--]

Penis

I mean.. no.. wait..

tits.

 

[slider3005]

just watched advent children. Sorry have to add these, bahumaut, and cloud.
aeris will not die in my movie.

 

[evil^milk]

Get me drunk, my love.

 

[slider3005]

i got budweiser, bud light and yeiger bombs, cant spell it, pick what you want.
also added
a band named either “apathetic sodemy” or “flame thrower mercy kill” or both

 

[evil^milk]

i've never tried yeiger bombs, so i'll go for those =D

 

[tehsolace]

Half-Life: The Movie!!!!11111!11

 

[slider3005]

hmm just checked it jegermeister so i guess its jegerbomb, its 1 part jegermeister and 2 part red bull, im a beer guy myself

 

[Raziaar]

Cows... without Ikerous in the casting.

 

[15357]

Unless you want it to be rated "X"

 

[Raziaar]

Unless you want it to be rated "X"

I want it to be rated beastiality free.

 

[Uriel]

Funniest shit ive read in a while

 

[Stigmata]

Snakes eating things much much bigger than themselves
Wall paper with elephants saying clever things with one real good historic quote snuck in there

Win. Just win.

My additions so far:

Star wipes, preferably several hundred. May include star wipes wiping to star wipes.

One of those kids who goes around collecting pop-can tabs to save them up for a wheelchair, despite his waist-down paralysis. I mean, seriously. Why not take the whole can?

The Six-Million-Dollar Man being sold as an equivalent-value number of shares to the movie The Six Million Dollar Man. (NYSE: SMDM)

Thirty-minute intermission consisting of an East European documentary on exotic fruit, which coincidentally means it is a documentary on native North American fruit.

Death by tennis-ball-machine.

At least fourteen people (min. three children, possible horse incl.) getting clotheslined by a bridge while on top of a train.

Numerous non-sequitur pop culture references.

Put an unbearably cute cat in every single scene. In the serious scenes, put three in.

Liberal use of Rohypnol throughout.

Six of said forty-four plot twists all consist of an identical Logan's Run plot device.

Whenever the movie cuts to a conversation in-progress, it's always about the same baseball game of the New York Knicks vs. the New York Yankees currently in progress, but the score never changes, and it's always the bottom of the seventh with three on base, two outs, and three balls.

The next character to walk in makes a unique joke incorporating the "three balls" statement.

Product placement, but only for things that haven't been sold for at least fifteen years.

Everybody uses Linux.

[edit for Ikerous and Raziaar] The movie is NOT bestiality-free. But you need to wear special 3D glasses to see it.

 

[Ikerous]

I want it to be rated beastiality free.

:bounce:
:O



This post is not rated beastiality free.

 

[slider3005]

stigmata that was genious, seriously. i laughed my ass off.

 

[Geogaddi]

Needs Crab Battle

 

[Raziaar]

Needs more cowbell.

 

[Geogaddi]

Needs more cowbell.

I've got a fever.....And the only prescription...is more CRAB BATTLE

 

[Unfocused]

Unless you want it to be rated "X"

This movie has been rated "X" for eXtreme.

 

[slider3005]

The actors playing the characters will change once, then they will go back to the normal actors in the following scene.

A katamari must be involved…somehow

the super hero that can blow up cars with his mind's arch enemy drives a moped

Every cliché in the history of media has to occur in the same scene in a unisex bathroom in the middle of Siberia while runnign from a tornado.

A light switch that turns on lights, turns off lights or kills a newborn kitten. (faulty wiring that must be dealt with in the movie.)

A Cancerous deer that knows the meaning of life, but cant speak English because its a deer.

 

[JNightshade]

Soup, I haven't laughed that hard in MONTHS

Brilliant. Just brilliant

 

[Javert]

I'm all for a Jet Li vs Chow Yun Fat vs Jackie Chan (in his prime) movie.

 

[Stigmata]

Okay, here's some more for Nighshade and slider, though I probably can't live up to my original genius.

-----

Some lions escape from a zoo, but they have inexplicably inhaled large amounts of helium. The twofold effect is that people fall on the ground laughing at the lions' emasculating roars, and the lions can catch and eat people more easily.

All Asian characters have thick Russian accents.

All the smoke alarms in the movie are really low on batteries, causing them to beep irritatingly during most of the indoor scenes.

Any time someone shows something important on a computer, it is shown as it would be in real-life. No flashy wire-frame animations. Just loading bars, pure text data, and the occasional crash-to-desktop.

Someone is allergic to fluoride. But they don't know until they have a drink of tap water.

Every so often a video-game quote will play prominently in the background (i.e. "Itsa me, Mario!"). All characters in scene immediately stop what they're doing and listen intently to see if it plays again. Then they simultaneously continue on as if nothing happened.

Someone tries to parachute out of a high-rise building window, but the window is made of bullet-proof glass. The chute opens anyway and suffocates him.

At a later point, someone else uses the glass to lean on during a calm conversation with friends. The glass has been removed for cleaning.

Every character name ends in "Esquire".

At some point a hostage situation arises at a specific address in Los Angeles. A SWAT team is dispatched, but they are nine hours late because they went to "the other L.A." first.

Oddly enough, only the characters that aren't Russian drink vodka.

One character will every so often change ethnicity. Nobody notices.

This same character gets a new pet at the same times. Everybody notices, though these scenes never actually occur at the character's house.

Somebody hijacks a roller-coaster.

Good cop/bad cop routine. The bad cop is on holiday.

All dogs have smoker's coughs.

The crux of the main conflict between two characters is that one is a cat person and the other is a dog person.

At some point, a person is shown playing Halo with a Pong controller.

Minutes before the lead character is about to finish the climax to the movie, he trips on a flight of stairs and dies.

-----

Not as good as the old ones, I'm afraid.

 

[Idonno >_<]

Cows... without Ikerous in the casting.

OOOH He might take that personaly. Oh well...he can still have sex with the children.

 

[Ennui]

this thread is unbelievably good

 

[Dalamari]

Tom Kruse, inventor of the Hover-Round

 

[slider3005]

stigmata, i would agree not as good as the first, but that would be almost impossible, very close though.

All the smoke alarms in the movie are really low on batteries, causing them to beep irritatingly during most of the indoor scenes.
and Somebody hijacks a roller-coaster.
were my favorites.

some new ones, quick sand with a buried treasure under it somewhere (subplot) treasure contains the contents of the pulp fiction suitcase, and a signed letter of authenticity by john Travolta

During test viewing at least 200 seizures must occur from awesomeness

Big bubble wrap being popped at a VA meeting

 

[Idonno >_<]

stigmata, i would agree not as good as the first, but that would be almost impossible, very close though.

All the smoke alarms in the movie are really low on batteries, causing them to beep irritatingly during most of the indoor scenes.
and Somebody hijacks a roller-coaster.
were my favorites.

some new ones, quick sand with a buried treasure under it somewhere (subplot) treasure contains the contents of the pulp fiction suitcase, and a signed letter of authenticity by john Travolta

During test viewing at least 200 seizures must occur from awesomeness

Big bubble wrap being popped at a VA meeting

That has got to me the meanest but greatest idea. I would just go to a VA meeting to do it. LOL. OK not really but it would be funny to watch in a movie.

 

[Smoke]

Okay, here's some more for Nighshade and slider, though I probably can't live up to my original genius.

-----

Some lions escape from a zoo, but they have inexplicably inhaled large amounts of helium. The twofold effect is that people fall on the ground laughing at the lions' emasculating roars, and the lions can catch and eat people more easily.

Every so often a video-game quote will play prominently in the background (i.e. "Itsa me, Mario!"). All characters in scene immediately stop what they're doing and listen intently to see if it plays again. Then they simultaneously continue on as if nothing happened.

Someone tries to parachute out of a high-rise building window, but the window is made of bullet-proof glass. The chute opens anyway and suffocates him.

At a later point, someone else uses the glass to lean on during a calm conversation with friends. The glass has been removed for cleaning.

Every character name ends in "Esquire".

One character will every so often change ethnicity. Nobody notices.

Somebody hijacks a roller-coaster.

At some point, a person is shown playing Halo with a Pong controller.

Minutes before the lead character is about to finish the climax to the movie, he trips on a flight of stairs and dies.

-----

Not as good as the old ones, I'm afraid.

Jesus christ, i hurt from laughing.

 

[Idonno >_<]

That is good.

 

[JimmyMcJimmerson]

Tom cruise dying (preff by xenu)

Sean Connery riding on horseback killing everyone in the Ebaumsworld building with a sword while yelling "there can only be one" then he gets shot by Ebaum but before he dies unveils a dynamite vest and says "Your the man now dog" then skips to an outword view of Ebaumsworld corp., blowing up

Corrected by the little brother... GG

 

[MiccyNarc]

Stigmata > all.

 

[JNightshade]

All Asian characters have thick Russian accents.

 

[Uriel]

Me, Hilary Swank and a pool of frosting.

Oscar written all over it.

 

[Absinthe]

A midget woman climbing into the penis of a donkey with rockets for eyes. Steven Spielberg directs.