Breen Casts/Letters

[Omega11]

Meh, this whole forum (fan fiction) seems dead, so I thought I outta lighten it up. So I ask of all of you, write some letters to Dr.Breen or act as the great dictator yourself and pour out some Breen Casts.

I have no life do I

 

[Ridge]

Dear Doc Breen.

What happened to you? Last we heard of you was that you were falling down a long shaft screaming like a little girl, or so Alyx Vance tells us...please let us know what became of you.

Thank you,

female_07

 

[Jintor]

Thank you, Female_07 for your wonderful letter.

Let me assure you that I definately escaped this tiny, temporary world for the greater world of our great Benefactors, the Universal Union, and am now residing at 23 AWESOME CRESCENT, If out leave mail with the weird slug thing next door. Alyx Vance, I'm afraid, is not adverse to pulling strings... or... lying, occasionally, so you cannot trust anything that comes out her lying little mouth. That goes for the Freeman, too, except he never seems to talk. Well, you can't trust anything he writes, either. Anyway, I'm totally fine now, and the doctors say I will have 95% of my skin back by next next month at the latest.

Cheerio!

Dr. Breen.

 

[15357]

Dear Dr Breen:

WE HAVE NO CONTAINMENT STOP OUTBREAK ON MULTIPLE SECTORS NO HOPE OF REGAINING FORCE STOP RESOURCES DOWN TO THIRTEEN PERCENT STOP PLEASE HELP STOP


(for those of you who don't know, STOP is a period for telegrams)

 

[Omega11]

I suppose I forgot he's dead huh :S

 

[Ridge]

Thus my letter

 

[Omega11]

Yeah, that's what made it obvious

 

[soulslicer]

Dear Dr. Breen

you suck

sincerely, gman

 

[Sulkdodds]

Dear G-Man, in response to your unsolicited and frankly unwelcome letter -

- you'll drown in your own blood.

Yours sincerely, Dr. Breen.

 

[Sheepo]

Dear Dr. Breen,
I would like to apologize for the rude behavior of my fellow citizens who seem to think of you as a traitor when really with the help of our benefactors we can take humanity into a new age where we can accomplish things that weren't even feasible before. Thank you, sir for your great and valiant deeds for the progress of science and technology which will lead our species into a new life.

P.S. You're hot.

Sincerely Dr. Breen

 

[Jintor]

Dear Dr. Breen.

Thank you for the wonderful letter! I assure you that one such as yourself will, once those pesky Rebel Forces are dealt with, be installed in a high position in the new world, with such luxuries as soap, and perhaps telekenisis. No eating brains required! It is great to see that people out there do hold the same hopes and dreams for the human race, and I assure you that once we are masters among the stars, I will personally make sure that you are made King and God of wherever it is you go.

PS. I think you're hot too.

Sincerely, Dr. Breen.

 

[soulslicer]

the "bloddy breen" poem

dear dr. breen, on that goddamn bloody screen
looking at you just makes me bloddy green
you dont know what we've seen, you bloddy bean
youre so damn bloddy mean, from what we've seen
you think your reign will bloddy win
but your'e not even close to a queen

that was completely completely retarded...

 

[Calhoun]

Dear Dr. Breen,

I have become very alarmed at recent happenings here--disappearances, and all. Civil Protection has been really active around this block for weeks and particularly our apartments, and it's so upsetting to me. I haven't been able to get sleep over it, and every few days people are disappearing here. People I know, and it's just getting me to believe I'm next and it's not safe. What is going on?

Sincerely, Winston Smith.

 

[Sheepo]

Dear Winston Smith,
I am quite sorry for this misunderstanding, your fellow citizens have er.. VOLUNTEERED for Survivor season 2876 where they see who can be last to die of the nuclear radiation in North America. The winner will recieve the reward of having their genes adapted to our cloning program where they will be the building block for the future combine infantry army.

P.S. The Cake Is The Truth!

Sincerely Dr. Breen

 

[15357]

Dr. Breen:

You are hereby ordered by the sovereign authority of the United Earth Directorate to surrender immediately and unconditionally. Failure to comply will result in hellfire missles raining down on your position.

Sincerely, Vice Admiral Stukov.



What?

 

[Operational]

Dear Dr. Breen,
The worst thing about being an everyday citizen is that everywhere I go I see your face telling me how wonderful everything is while I'm eating shit food and living in a cold and damp apartment.
When I was forcibly evicted from City 14, separated from the good friends I had made in my apartment block, my first thought was, "Well this sucks but at least I'm away from Breen". And then what do I see the moment I step out of the train at City 17? Your face, again! And now I learn that this is your base of operations?! Is there no escape? I am still at the train station now writing this letter and being very lucky to be able to do so since most other passengers had their luggage confiscated. I'm going to give this letter to the Metrocops at the security point just up ahead and hope that when you read it you will do us all a favour and give me a much needed break from hearing your voice.
Sincerely,
D. Logan

 

[Jintor]

Dear Dr. Breen,
The worst thing about being an everyday citizen is that everywhere I go I see your face telling me how wonderful everything is while I'm eating shit food and living in a cold and damp apartment.
When I was forcibly evicted from City 14, separated from the good friends I had made in my apartment block, my first thought was, "Well this sucks but at least I'm away from Breen". And then what do I see the moment I step out of the train at City 17? Your face, again! And now I learn that this is your base of operations?! Is there no escape? I am still at the train station now writing this letter and being very lucky to be able to do so since most other passengers had their luggage confiscated. I'm going to give this letter to the Metrocops at the security point just up ahead and hope that when you read it you will do us all a favour and give me a much needed break from hearing your voice.
Sincerely,
D. Logan

Dear D. Logan,

Please expect a re-education comittee to break dow- i mean, knock on your totally intact door tommorrow. You'll know who they are by the thumbscrews and red-hot pokers, and they may be carrying a rack. No, not a draining rack. An actual rack. They say no-one expects the Spanish Inquisition, but this is the Re-Education Committee, so I'm giving you advanced warning.

I look forward to seeing you with electrodes in your brain.

Sincerely, Dr. Breen.






Dear Admiral Stukov,

No.

Sincerely, Dr. Breen.

 

[G-Dude]

Dear Dr.Breen, I just have gotten out of Ravenholm with my limbs still stuck to my body. However, it seems that several rebels have tried to kill me there. I wonder if I did something wrong, or if they are just crazed maniacs\survivors? P.S. The fast zombies are mean, the zombies eat my dust every day, and the poison ones just try to throw headcrabs at me. P.S.S I missed your Breencasts in Ravenholm, can you do one now? Yours truly, Dr.Frohman.

 

[Sheepo]

G-Dude you fail at humor/life

 

[Bob_Marley]

Dear Dr Breen,

I'm giving you one last chance to surrender to the sovergin authority of the United Earth Directorate.

Yours,

Admiral Gerard DuGalle

 

[Omega11]

Dr. Breen:

You are hereby ordered by the sovereign authority of the United Earth Directorate to surrender immediately and unconditionally. Failure to comply will result in hellfire missles raining down on your position.

Sincerely, Vice Admiral Stukov.



What?

OMFG!!! AWESOME!!!

Anyways, *adjusts tie*

Dear Dr.Breen,
We are having some technical difficulties here. We seem to have been overrun. I'm sure you will have come to notice the large amount of refugees and immigrants flowing in through trains to station 17. It has also come to our attention, that one man, unknown at this time, was seen harrassing citizens, and refused to pick up a small soda can, one man can only do so much, but in this quiet town, everything must be noted.

Sincerely,
Jekel Dawson (Metro Cop #3309)

P.S. We need a janitor too, John (#3417) saw his first corpse today.

 

[Reginald]

Dear Wally-kins,
Your "highest bid" last night made me squirm in delight. You are welcome to use either of my rent-boys whenever you desire. Just say which you prefer - dominating military role-play or quiet, submissive secretarial type, smells faintly of dead fish - and I will pluck them out especially for you.

Yours forever,
G. Mann

P.S. Last night was infinitely more pleasing than that one-minute, one legged night of passion the other week, and the less said about Colonel "Cabbage-shaped-growth" Cubbage, the better.

 

[Omega11]

O__O

Omfg!!! WTFBBQ??? JFCAMMWTF??? LMAOROFLROFL!!! U NOOB!!! PWND!!! LMAO!!! WTF???

 

[Darkside55]

Dear Doctor Breen,

What's going on? You've stopped returning my phone calls. I haven't seen or heard from you in over a week. I stopped by the citadel yesterday and the Overwatch guards turned me away. What the hell is going on? I actually have to write to you now like a regular citizen to get your attention?

I can't believe you. You're not associating yourself with me anymore, is that it? Is that how it's going to be? After all I've done? I transfered from City 14 just to be closer to you, you bastard. I got that lobotomy, the brain wipe, and had half my organs pulled out VOLUNTARILY just to be closer to your ideal of a perfect human. I'm running on saline solution now, WALLACE. I don't even have blood anymore.

Why the sudden change? What happened? Is this because I mailed you all those decapitated lungfish? I thought you'd find it funny. It's YOUR metaphor, doctor. I figured you'd think it cute. Obviously I was wrong.

I've done nothing but support you and this is the thanks I get. I don't even know if it's me, because you won't talk to me! Listen, I know the past week has been hectic. A rebel uprising in the streets, some gun-toting scientist coming back from who-knows-where; I get it. I hear the news. It doesn't mean you have to exclude me from your affairs. I can help. I can just be there, if you need me. Don't put up a Combine forcefield between us, Dr. Breen. You need me.

And I need you.

Please reply. Yours forever,
Darkside

 

[Jintor]

Dear Doctor Breen,

What's going on? You've stopped returning my phone calls. I haven't seen or heard from you in over a week. I stopped by the citadel yesterday and the Overwatch guards turned me away. What the hell is going on? I actually have to write to you now like a regular citizen to get your attention?

I can't believe you. You're not associating yourself with me anymore, is that it? Is that how it's going to be? After all I've done? I transfered from City 14 just to be closer to you, you bastard. I got that lobotomy, the brain wipe, and had half my organs pulled out VOLUNTARILY just to be closer to your ideal of a perfect human. I'm running on saline solution now, WALLACE. I don't even have blood anymore.

Why the sudden change? What happened? Is this because I mailed you all those decapitated lungfish? I thought you'd find it funny. It's YOUR metaphor, doctor. I figured you'd think it cute. Obviously I was wrong.

I've done nothing but support you and this is the thanks I get. I don't even know if it's me, because you won't talk to me! Listen, I know the past week has been hectic. A rebel uprising in the streets, some gun-toting scientist coming back from who-knows-where; I get it. I hear the news. It doesn't mean you have to exclude me from your affairs. I can help. I can just be there, if you need me. Don't put up a Combine forcefield between us, Dr. Breen. You need me.

And I need you.

Please reply. Yours forever,
Darkside

Dear <Name goes here>,

<Insert pleasantries here>, <insert vague threat here>, <insert reassuring message here>, <insert vague threat>. <Insert vague threat here, insert vague threat here, insert reassuring message>. <vague threat, vague threat, overt threat, vague threat>. <reference to humanity's high hopes, reference to galaxies beyond comprehension, vague threat>. <reassuring message.>

Sincerely yours,

Dr Breen.

 

[Omega11]

*Hundredth Post*

Dear Darkside,
I'm sorry to say that, inspite of your... perfections, and your cute little packages of decapitated lungfish. My love falls for another, she may be human, and she may have worked for the rebels before, but I assure you that Judith Mossman is more than qualified for her... position. But anyways, I have a barbecue to attend, I'd invite you, but you know how things get when exes are around.

Sincerely,
Wallace Breen

P.S. Thanks for the food, now I don't have to go by some retro food shop or search for left over rations packs, now I got these lungfish. Wish you were here, from the top of the Citidael.

 

[V-Man339]

Dear Dr. Breen,

What shampoo do you use, your hair looks great!

Sincerely,
V-Man

 

[ríomhaire]

Dear Dr. Breen;
I have seen a man in a tidy, deep-blue suit and tie, carrying a briefcase haunting the balconies, rooftops and other hard-to-reach areas of City 17. This man is worrying me, and one question about him constantly buzzes through my mind: Where did he get his clothes? While we, the ordinary citizens, are only permitted to wear our standard light-blue uniforms and white shirts, this man is parading around at the height of fashion. Where could I obtain a suit such as this and how many credits will it put me back (I have saved away a tidy sum by skipping every second ration allowance, so I defiantly have the figure for such a suit).

Yours sincerely,

A concerned citizen.

 

[Jintor]

Dear Dr. Breen,

What shampoo do you use, your hair looks great!

Sincerely,
V-Man

Dear V-Man,

The blood of countless innocents.

Sincerely,
Doctor Breen.

Dear Dr. Breen;
I have seen a man in a tidy, deep-blue suit and tie, carrying a briefcase haunting the balconies, rooftops and other hard-to-reach areas of City 17. This man is worrying me, and one question about him constantly buzzes through my mind: Where did he get his clothes? While we, the ordinary citizens, are only permitted to wear our standard light-blue uniforms and white shirts, this man is parading around at the height of fashion. Where could I obtain a suit such as this and how many credits will it put me back (I have saved away a tidy sum by skipping every second ration allowance, so I defiantly have the figure for such a suit).

Yours sincerely,

A concerned citizen.

Dear Concerned,

A man like this can not, nay, will not, be allowed to exist. A suit is an extravagance that we cannot allow ourselves to be slaved to if we are to expand beyond the stars, evolve to the next stage of humanity, and to explore the depths of space. Suits are a menace, especially orange ones with morphine administers and kevlar built into them. Your figure does not matter - any suit you buy, from any merchant (there will be none, I shall make sure of this) is a temptation from the lowest depths of stupidity and idiocy. Do not wear a suit; should you do so, your destruction is assured.

Sincerely,
Doctor Breen.

PS. I got my suit from Harrods, you should look there in your free time.

 

[V-Man339]

Dear Dr. Breen,

What's your favorite kind of pie?

Sincerely,
V-Man

P.S.
Is the cake really a lie?

 

[ZeroPointGun]

Dr. V-Man,

I like the kind pf pie that doesn't get cooked, well not by conventional methods anyway.

Yours sincerely,
Dr. Breen.

PS. Yes it is. Sorry to disappoint.

 

[V-Man339]

Letter to Dr. Breen

I saw this guy on I Spy the other night that sounded just like you!
Is there any relation?

P.S.
How do combine toilets work?
:naughty:

 

[ZeroPointGun]

Dear Anonymous.

Everyone says they sound like me, I guess that just wish they were.

No there is no relation whatsoever, I'm not born of the womb.

Sincerely,
Dr. Breen.

PS. Now now, that would be telling.

 

[V-Man339]

Dear Dr. Breen,

You don't write, you don't call, I raise you as good as I can and this is the thanks I get?!?!

I think you should make your office lower in the citadel, you might catch a cold way up there.
And you really need to get out more, and no for the last time putting your face on millions of screens across the globe doesn't count.
I'm starting to worry that you're growing more distant, and your giving all your attention to those alien slugs, I'm surprised you haven't become one of them yourself.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Breen

 

[Au-heppa]

Dear Dr. Breen,

YOU MAY ALREADY BE A WINNER! Confidential CASH AWARD Documents Enclosed! OPEN AND RESPOND IMMEDIATELY!

 

[Jintor]

Dear Dr. Breen,

You don't write, you don't call, I raise you as good as I can and this is the thanks I get?!?!

I think you should make your office lower in the citadel, you might catch a cold way up there.
And you really need to get out more, and no for the last time putting your face on millions of screens across the globe doesn't count.
I'm starting to worry that you're growing more distant, and your giving all your attention to those alien slugs, I'm surprised you haven't become one of them yourself.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Breen

Dear Mrs. Breen,

I'm not married. Especially not to you.

Sincerely,
Dr. Breen.





Dear Au-Heppa, (?)

Expect my personal Combine Elites to be accompanying this letter to your current location. Have a nice day.

Sincerely,
Dr. Breen.





Dear ZeroPointGun,

Stop pretending to be me. We know who you are. I can see you right now. It is only professional ethics that stops me nuking you from orbit WHOOPS MY FINGER SLIPPED have a nice life.

Sincerely,
Dr. Breen.

 

[V-Man339]

Dear Dr. Breen,
Do you watch Youtube videos like everyone else?
If so, what is your favorite video?

Sincerely,
V-Man

P.S.
Mine is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVCb52iQrfo

 

[leib10]

Dear V-Man,

It is clear in the video that the man in the video needs physical and psychological treatment, and I think Nova Prospekt is just the place to receive it. Please have him contact the nearest Civil Protection station so that we can begin his treatment as soon as possible.

Thank you for your concern,

Dr. Breen

P.S. Our benefactors advise me not to watch watch Youtube videos, as they are the result of magical thinking. Therefore, neither should anybody else. Let's all work together for the advancement of the species!

 

[Jintor]

Dear all:

Leib10 is a quality myself, and thus all further correspondance from me via leib10 is now rendered official. All previous correspondance from me via lebi10 is also retroactively rendered official.

Good day.

Dr Breen.

 

[leib10]

I agree with this decision. I'm sure Our Benefactors will as well.