The Complete Works of Teh_Poet

[Teh_Poet]

I've had three threads of poems posted so far, and the main complaint is that the topic is cliched. Therefore, this thread is for people to give me inspiration on a new topic.

Thanks!

 

[Vegeta897]

How about from now on put everything in one topic. But that doesn't mean create a new one.

Ask a moderator to rename this thread "Teh Poet's thread" or something and ask them to delete your older threads too I guess.

 

[Hazar]

write a poem about how poems are stupid. :|

/sarcasm

 

[Teh_Poet]

How about from now on put everything in one topic. But that doesn't mean create a new one.

Ask a moderator to rename this thread "Teh Poet's thread" or something and ask them to delete your older threads too I guess.

Sounds good, but I'd rather not delete the older threads.

Can a moderator rename this to "Teh_Poet Works"?

 

[spookymooky]

How bout something bout the futility of human life, or monotony. Something that isnt big or grand, or normally written about...

 

[ComradeBadger]

Threadit good?

A new topic to poetryfy - sunshine, happiness

 

[Hectic Glenn]

BE POSITIVE!!! anything thats nice, but no cheesy rainbows and roses and doves placing warmth in your heart. k? good.

 

[Teh_Poet]

Okay, now that it's official:




Maximum of 5 attachments, so here's the last:

She looks outside the window,
She thinks that she's alone.
Blind of the one
Who loves her,
His adulation unknown.

She lies down on her bed,
She thinks that it's a waste.
Not knowing that
She means so much.
In her lies she's been encased.

He's dying to let her know,
His love for her arcane.
She doesn't know he needs her,
She decides
To end her pain.

She then picks up the blade,
And puts it to her wrist.
And says good-bye to all she knew,
She thinks
She won't be missed.

But now she's gone forever,
He's in a world of pain.
He wants to see her
One last time,
She was his blessing and his bane.

 

[baxter]

War
Politics
Death
Destruction
Murder

Or maybe

Love
Peace
Happy
Joyful
Smile

 

[Teh_Poet]

War
Politics
Death
Destruction
Murder

Or maybe

Love
Peace
Happy
Joyful
Smile

Good ideas, I think I'm going to write about a smile.

 

[Teh_Poet]

How about this? It's a little different that usual:


Your smile
Lifts me so high,
As high as a mile,
I, gravity defy.

With the help of your love,
And the support of your beauty,
I fly as a dove,
Wow, this poem sure is fruity.

 

[baxter]

Your poetry is really nice and I say that in all sincerity.
It's a shame nice guys like yourself ain’t in charge

 

[HatRabit]

write something about explosions. explosions are always good

 

[Latin_Jones]

Here's one I just wrote. I'm thinking about putting it to music.

Piss, goes drip.
Like dripping rain from my brain.
Oh, the strain.
Please, refrain.

Life is like a choo-choo train.
Steam, boiling in my veins.
I've run off the tracks and my hair is in flames. (it happened to MJ)
Don't be so vain.

FIN...

PS. I'm a poim noob.

 

[Teh_Poet]

PS. I'm a poim noob.

It takes practice.

 

[Teh_Poet]

Your poetry is really nice and I say that in all sincerity.

Thanks a lot! That really means a lot to me.

 

[PoeticRocker]

If you know what inspires you then you can find it, personally its my dreams that give me some new material for my music, poetry, and art.

 

[Exclamatio]

hows about posting on a poems forum?

 

[Teh_Poet]

hows about posting on a poems forum?

Do you have any suggestions? Most the poetry forums I've found are just for silly emo girls.

 

[Ikerous]

You should write a poem based on william blake's style in songs of experience for me so i don't have to ;-)

 

[staticprimer]

Here's one I just wrote. I'm thinking about putting it to music.

Piss, goes drip.
Like dripping rain from my brain.
Oh, the strain.
Please, refrain.

Life is like a choo-choo train.
Steam, boiling in my veins.
I've run off the tracks and my hair is in flames. (it happened to MJ)
Don't be so vain.

FIN...

PS. I'm a poim noob.

A little... odd, but it certainly has potential! :thumbs:

 

[Tantalus]

Come on, all you guys who gave him a hard time in previous threads for writing cliched topics, why don't you speak up and give him something better to write about?

 

[Ikerous]

Come on, all you guys who gave him a hard time in previous threads for writing cliched topics, why don't you speak up and give him something better to write about?

Because we are lazy uncreative bastards who enjoy nothing but ripping the hard work of others to shreds.

 

[Teh_Poet]

Your smile
Lifts me so high,
As high as a mile,
I, gravity defy.
With the help of your love,
And the support of your beauty,
I fly as a dove,
Through and through, you help me to see.

How about this?

 

[spookymooky]

I think you should stay away from your typical meter, It seems to restrict you. Dont worry about making sure it rhymes, it makes the language seems choppy and artificial. Personally, I prefer "poetic prose" myself. No set metrical/rhyming pattern, but it does use poetic language and devices.

 

[Teh_Poet]

I think you should stay away from your typical meter, It seems to restrict you. Dont worry about making sure it rhymes, it makes the language seems choppy and artificial. Personally, I prefer "poetic prose" myself. No set metrical/rhyming pattern, but it does use poetic language and devices.

But my latest poem is not anywhere close to a typical meter, it isn't patterned.

 

[spookymooky]

But my latest poem is not anywhere close to a typical meter, it isn't patterned.

I assume you're talking about the piss one?

Its not your typical pattern, but you divided lines based on rhymes. and ended them with punctuation. Every time you do that, it creates a hiatus, and breaks your thoughts up. What you need to learn to do is use that type of thing for poetic effect. For intance, have a subsection full of that type of lines when showing a car crash. But when your talking about dripping liquid you should use longer lines flowing words, and anything that feels like liquid when you read it.

Most importantly, dont force your rhymes! Your wording and imagery is wonderful, but your rhymes tend to break them up.

 

[Teh_Poet]

I assume you're talking about the piss one?

Its not your typical pattern, but you divided lines based on rhymes. and ended them with punctuation. Every time you do that, it creates a hiatus, and breaks your thoughts up. What you need to learn to do is use that type of thing for poetic effect. For intance, have a subsection full of that type of lines when showing a car crash. But when your talking about dripping liquid you should use longer lines flowing words, and anything that feels like liquid when you read it.

Most importantly, dont force your rhymes! Your wording and imagery is wonderful, but your rhymes tend to break them up.

No, the "Piss" one isn't mine. I'm talking about the smile one. See above.

 

[spookymooky]

Most of what I said still applies, your imagery is nice, but the rhymes are forced, especially "I, gravity defy"

If you make something read so awkwardly, there should be a reason. If you were talking about Wile E. Coyoting off some cliff, you should have nice long opening sentences talking about flying/freedom. Use some nice soft m's and l's to have it roll gentrly, and use fancy language. Then When he realizes he cant stay up, Use harsh T's, K's, and G's, and more awkward gramar.

You are very good at showing the image, but a huge part of poetry is making the sound of the poem match that image.

 

[Teh_Poet]

Your smile
Lifts me so high,
As high as a mile,
I, gravity defy.

With the help of your love,
And the support of your beauty,
I fly as a dove,
Through and through, you help me to see.

It'd be better like this... it's intentionally 'awkward' like that because it's the end of a phrase.

 

[Teh_Poet]

Here's the lyrics for an old song I wrote but that was a long time ago.

Bright Shadows


First Verse:
You haunt me.
Obscurely you appear so clear,
I hate you, but you are oh so dear.
Bravely you are full of fear,
Your face is dry, here comes a tear.

Chorus:
Because
You are dark and you are light,
You are day and you are night,
And through this eternal fight,
You are wrong and you are right.

Second Verse:
I am lost.
Lost inside this transparent maze,
Freezing in this infernal blaze.
You won’t change, it’s just a phase,
You look right through this heavy haze.


Bridge:
And as we walk down this hall,
Bright shadows flicker on the wall.
Bright shadows cover up it all.
Bright shadows create this call.

Chorus: (2x)
Because
You are dark and you are light,
You are day and you are night,
And through this eternal fight,
You are wrong and you are right.


Outro
You are wrong and you are right…

 

[spookymooky]

Floating up, lighter than air
watching the world drop away
Rushing up without a care,
billowed by your smile.


im not fabulous myself, but this is how I would aproach this poem.
The rhyme is secondary, I added it later. notice the W's in the second line, and the Sh in the third, this creates some onamonapeia (however its spelt), and attempts to recreate the noise of the upward rushing. I imagined this to be a somewhat long and gentle experience, so I lengthened the lines, and tied them together by repeating the word "up" in the 1st and 3rd lines. The shortened last line works as a form of puntuation to the stanza.

This is certainly not the the best interpretation of this poem, but it is a fairly reasonable way to approach a poem.

 

[Teh_Poet]

But those are two complete different styles: I want it too be sharp to put more emphasis on why I'm flying, not that I'm flying.

But good job on your 'translation', so to speak.

 

[spookymooky]

Perhaps cut the first stanza to a couplet? You go into the details of flying, before you go into the details of her smile. The feeling gets emphasized that way, rather than the cause.

 

[staticprimer]

Your smile
Lifts me so high,
As high as a mile,
I, gravity defy.

With the help of your love,
And the support of your beauty,
I fly as a dove,
Through and through, you help me to see.

I think if you change "I, gravity defy" to "gravity, I yet defy" the first stanza would be gold. As for the second, I feel it is a bit too wordy and lacks flow. I do like the first stanza a lot though!

 

[Sprafa]

life is like a choo-choo train :\

/me falls to the side

 

[Tantalus]

I think if you change "I, gravity defy" to "gravity, I yet defy" the first stanza would be gold. As for the second, I feel it is a bit too wordy and lacks flow. I do like the first stanza a lot though!

How about

Your smile
Lifts me so high,
As high as a mile,
Gravity, I yet defy.

Helped by your love,
and backed by your beauty,
I fly as a dove,
You help me to see.

 

[Teh_Poet]

Wow, that sounds a lot better. Thanks, staticprimer and Tantalus!

 

[Kebean PFC]

Yeah sounding good.

I wanted to try at poetry, and people told me i was good, but i stopped, maybe ill post one here if thats ok with teh_poet...

 

[Teh_Poet]

Yeah sounding good.

I wanted to try at poetry, and people told me i was good, but i stopped, maybe ill post one here if thats ok with teh_poet...

Oh yeah, it's no problem with me.