The Daily Citizen - a many people post newspaper

[15357]

I'm too lazy to keep posting, so make up your own Articles and advertismements!







please...


TDC IS BA-ACK!


TDC has been revived. No more spam! (Or, maybe not)

 

[ríomhaire]

Nothıng good wıll come of thıs.

 

[Jintor]

The Daily Citizen
"Now only one beating per issue!"​

WORLD CAUGHT IN STASIS FIELD!

Outside City 17, approx. one year ago - The apparent destruction of the Citadel by 'Anticitizen One' Gordon Freeman has destablised the entire area of City 17, not just in a massive shcokwave and dark energy explosion, but also in some sort of 'time warp'. Notable Scientists Eli Vance and Isaac Kleiner, despite not being anywhere in the vicinity of the blast, also appear to be caught in this newly dubbed 'stasis field'.

"Yeah, well, we tried poking them, and huckin' eggs at 'em, and after that what can ye do?" asked Jonathan Scheznic (38), a refugee from City 17. "They're frozen. Frozen in time. It's like they're waiting for something."

All activities for a 7-mile radius around the outskirts of City 17 appear to have halted, including what are conjectured to be Combine Advisor Pods flying through the air, the Citadel itself exploding, Several trains Outbound from City 17, and various other Combine Troops. Reports indicate that anybody attempting to enter or exit the field encounters what can only be described as 'an error' or experiences as massive delay, although certain mechanical features such as Valves appear to be operating within the stasis field unimpeded.

"We don't understand what's going on either" said Combine Elite Soldier 0101010-101001 (28). "Don't put that in the paper."

Both Combine and Rebel officials have declined to comment officially on the situation, but a 'higher-up' in the Combine chain of command has indicated that 'The Government' is involved somehow, despite for all intents and purposes the Combine is the Government.

More as the story unfolds.

'TEAM FORTRESS' REDISCOVERED IN RUINS

Twofort, Nothingfjord, one month ago - Combine Archeologists have discovered the remains of what is cited as 'the predeccessor of that stupid thing all those infinitely reincarnating morons are doing in the city and stuff' in the ancient ruins of Twofort. Two flags, one red and one blue, were discovered on the melted remains of two apparent warriors, both sporting colours. The red flag was found on the blue warrior's corpse, and the blue flag was conversely found on the red warrior's corpse. One was carrying a Chaingun with 'Sasha' engraved on it.

"Well, at first we thought this was some sort of stupid human thing from our glorious invas- I mean, our great saving of your world. I believe you call it 'The Sven Hour Whore" or something like that" burbled Combine Advisor ???? ??????? (1393), via a translator. "But then we discovered the flags. We checked our records, and there was no mention of flags, because we burnt all your flags. And besides, there was no record of this city as it is now even existing before a couple of months ago."

Many human archeologists are casting doubt on the Advisor's claim that this constitutes a form of 'Team Fortress', the popular sport played long before the Combine Assistance Program, pointing out that the remains were 'too out of proportion' to truely be Team Fortress. But Combine Archeologists violently disagree.

"Look at this thing." says human archeologist Jonathan Crowley Denton (26). "It's ridiculous. Nobody would ever want to play Team Fortress looking like this. That's just stupid."

"Don't be an <untranslatable>" responds ???? ???????, apparently quoting somebody. "It is possible that in your society some dhurgzah created a variation, a sequal if you will, to this 'Team Fortress'. That is my view and I have all these soldiers to enforce it."

The arguement is ongoing.

 

[15357]

Nothıng good wıll come of thıs.

snip.

You were saying?

Excellent job, Mr. Jintor, per usual.

 

[Jintor]

Hey, I can't do this alone. I need THE FORCE!

Or other writers. Other writers who won't turn this into some sort of bizarre roleplaying thing would be good.

 

[Jintor]

DOUBLE POST

SOMEONE ELSE POST BEFORE I'm FORCED TO FIRE UP MY IMAGINATION!

 

[15357]

A post? Yay!


Wait........

*goes back to sleep*

 

[Acepilotf14]

TELEVISIONS BANNED!
Suspicious character throws TV out of window at a Combine APC, causing a widespread investigation!

IT seems that a suspicious character has thrown a Television out of window, completely disregarding the strange enormisity of the plug and just making it float before him self, Before pressing the left mouse button, throwing it OUTSIDE a window, and it landed nearby a COMBINE APC. The entire block was contained at countless.. (okay more like 4.) people have been put into jail. Said character has been seen running along a rooftop, and is being dealt with accordingly.

In other news, Ravenholm has been transformed into a 'better' place for all of us. Please go on a vacation, all expenses paid. And those little thing may jump at you. Oh,they're just rabbits.



Very. Fat. Rabbits. Dr. Breen gave it 2 THUMBS UP! :thumbs::thumbs:

 

[BarnyFan]

LOST HEADCRAB Answers to Name is Lamar to get it out of hiding put a raw shave and put a slab of pork ribs on your head. If found contact Dr.Kleiner at 678-890-1234

 

[Nemesis6]

In radiation news:

Today's eletHerEonic-Rest count is rEported SteadIly riSing aT Alarmingly Narrow substanCe-strEam counts. Avoid Lakes, pIVots, and roadS.

 

[Omega11]

Black Mesa East Hotel
It has finally been announced by officials, that the recently captured Black Mesa East Labs is now finished with renovations. Several combine workers have removed most of the human elements and are just finishing up the replacement process. Th addition of several pods as well as many other large, and potentially useless, copmuters have been added.
"We had a real mess on our hands, first, we had to board off that human known 'RavenHolm' to stop the flow Degrated and Infested Decaying Solitary Human Rebels. As if that was the hard part." We heard from CP member #2086.
"Yeah, no doubt, we had several dead humans, and several Vortigaunt corpses. The only 'Good' that came out of this, was the teleport technology which will aid in the mobilizatin of the fleet in and around City 17. Although that exploding citidael might not help. But until we get that up and running, all we can do is clean the walls of this damn Human Rebellion Propaganda and Subliminal Messaging System. Damn You Spray Paint!!!" #2086's colleague, #3702.
Expectations for the hotel's completion are, in Human Developers Of Virtual Entertaiment may say, very soon.

 

[McGooTheWise]

Lost Crowbar:
The tool was described as a red Crowbar with plain metal tips. It has also been described to have Headcrab blood stained all over it's broader end. If you have seen this Crowbar please contact your nearest Civil protection officer for a daily beating, and then a reward card for free watermelon from Dr. Breen's Supermarket!

 

[[MBPC] Shephard]

In radiation news:

Today's eletHerEonic-Rest count is rEported SteadIly riSing aT Alarmingly Narrow substanCe-strEam counts. Avoid Lakes, pIVots, and roadS.

the resistance livs! its a conspiracy, man!

 

[Omega11]

[MBPC] Shephard Taken In For Questioning
Earlier these past few days, a citizen has shown to possess some knowledge on Rebel status, and where abouts. [MBPC] Shephard was taken into custody by Civil Protection Officers earlier today. His present location has not been determined, nor has his physical state. Our Benefactors would like to remind other fellow citizens to willingly come forward if you possess any knowledge of the resistance, and its location. All citizens who do so will be rewarded with a slightly better tasting meal coupon, and a larger ration. Beatings are a manditory part of the citizen's life style, there is no way to get out of it except the head of Anti Citizen One given to authorities. As for [MBPC], we cancertainly say, he will not be staying in Black Mesa East Hotel anytime soon.

 

[[MBPC] Shephard]

SUBJECT: [MBPC] SHEPHARD
STATUS: CAPTURED
POST MORTEM: NO FURTHER COMMENT

seems about right, no?

 

[Omega11]

Black Mesa East Hotel Infested
After surveying the area, and beginning renovations, CP officers stumbled across the entrance to Ravenholm. Normally, for Our Benefactors, this issue would not be a problem. Curiosity was the killer here. A small scout team was sent to barricade the section. When several wails and howls came from the tunnel above. One of the CP officers decided to go look, he has not yet been found. Unfortunately, Combine forces had to pull out from the facility, as several more zombies filled the area in search of food. The project has been abandoned, and combine activity in that sector has been at an all time low. The positive side, is that no true combine warriors were sacrificed, as our benefactors saw fit to only send human CP volunteers.

_______
Yeah, nice Post Mortem ^^

 

[Nemesis6]

The headlines today:

Lately, officials overlOOking construction of public housing acKnowledged reports oF vandalism in the suburbs. The vandalism varies frOm destruction of Combine pRoperty to spray-painting. Lots of these strAnge syMbols have also Been appearing in Deserted bAck-streets and deserted houses.

an unknown assistant of dr. Wallace brEen, speaking on his behalf, addressed reports that an old abandoned mining town has been attacked. "What these rumor-mongers would have you Wonder is If there is a conspiracy to keep citizens from fLeeing the Leisure of the COmbine urban centers." - MorE on this later.

 

[ríomhaire]

The Daily CItizEn reporTs Having REAlly long and heaDlines.

 

[Jintor]

Rising Levels of Subliminal Messaging Reported in Industry Standards.

Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. Obey. ..

 

[Omega11]

The Daily Citizen Under Close Inspection
For the next few days, Combine officials have been posted in and aound the TDC HQ. It has been noted that several members of TDC's alleged faithful crew have been believed to be posting messages to Rebel Operatives around the area.
"While I cannot say that I am pleased with this act of mockery, I can say that TDC's members have been trusted and have, until now, not let anyone down. I am proud to say that this operation has been doing well, until this subliminal messaging began." Dr. Breen's comments on the situation. Several members of the TDC have been removed for questioning, and several more removals are expected. As for now, it is advised that anyone with information on the participating rebel spies come forward. Such actiona will ensure continued work on the TDC, a higher food ration, and perhaps a raise.

 

[Nemesis6]

Today's headline сопротивляйте

Dozens of Type-07 plasma-rifles earmarked for the 52nd Combine Overwatch contingent were reported missing as of Day 382. "Evil regressionist terrorists reportedly downed the supply ship freighting these weapons from from the Dnepropetsk supply base. We have reason to believe that these weapons were salvaged from the wreckage and are now in circulation among the regressionist rebels. These weapons best described as anti-armor, but they can be used for virtually any type of combat due to the adaptability of the quantum energy drive, but for those loyal citizens who want to help us, the rifle's projectile will always appear as a long, spiraling beam of light. You can identify any shooting of these weapons by a prolonged lack of hearing if in the vicinity without ear protection."

In related news

The provincial government of Dnepropetsk-Otzitulya claimed that a relatively new regressionist group referred to as "Svododa ili Smrt", translated "Freedom or Death" has been circulating flyers with the text "The skies are no longer safe for you." Anyone seen handling these flyers are to be reported immediately. Observed failure to do will be viewed as complicity with the regressionist cause and will be harshly punished.

Quiz of the week: What does the word "сопротивляйте" mean?

 

[KillerFrogX111]

odd bullsquid entertainment yearnings

today an underground bullsquid fighting rink was busted in city 98. aperently involveing martin van, a popular player of the sport, throw the roller mine at the other guy, was found takeing part in it too. "it's just cruel" says local CP unit 415489243, "to think some one could do something so cruel... an animal rgihts activists were appaled by this, one, named norton moesie said this "it's not natural man" he was soon beaten severely. "he has ben banned for several seasons for this act, and will be given more beatings" said CP unit 12345633412 "just to think how crule and evil people are...".



the daily citizen, it's like a beating of knoledge!

 

[Omega11]

Improvements Desired For TDC Staff
Omega11, who recently returned to the TDC office, was appauled by what he found in recent issues of the flourishing news paper.
"It's just cruel man, so unnatural." Omega11 said to TDC reporter Omega11 in a pivate interview.
"I take a trip to do a special report on the situation in Nova Prospekt, come back, and find typos in everything."
Omega11 also notes the lack of creativity in recent articles.
"You can't go on about a Bullsquid fighting ring, that's in a city half-way across the world. This is the daily CITIZEN, of a city, not Interpol."
Omega11 assures that no hard feelings were intended in his recent articles.

Situations At Nova Prospekt
The Nova Prospekt complex and area is now closed to residents and conversion operations. Since Anticitizen One plowed through the complex, knocking out several key defense points, antlions have taken the area as their own. Luckily, the City 17 district, is under going a time lapse, giving combine infantry forces, and re-establishment efforts time before Anticitizen One begins moving on. In the mean time, TDC would like to wish the Combine Overwatch Forces the best of luck in the Nova Prospekt Repairment Endeavor.

 

[Nemesis6]

Regressionist cell uprooted in City 17

Earlier today, a large-scale Combine operation aimed at the disruption of a reported regressionist cell in City block 19, district 2, was declared a complete and utter success. Eye witnesses report seeing terrorist rebel regressionist sympathizers being dragged from their rebel base by Combine soldiers with deceptive cries of "WHAT DID I DO?!" and "WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!", which was clearly a ruse since Dr. Breen's latest broadcast mentioned that he himself had inspected the case and concurred with "lawful enforcement of the cessation of hostile activities against Our Benefactors,"

In Gossip-News, rumors have it that Dr. Breen, after much criticism of his social life and sanity, has chosen to appear on CTV3 for an interview regarding these issues. To regular viewers, this is no surprise, as Dr. Breen has already been interviewed about these rumors. Midway into the interview, an angry Dr. Breen ordered his bodyguard to detain the interviewer, whom he, still in on the air, told viewers was a "Rebel spy out to cause distress among the loyal Citizens of City 17", followed by a 24 hour shutdown of the channel.

 

[Evisk]

Back with a vengeance

Today TDC reporter Evisk finally returned after mysteriously disappearing for almost a year.Unfortunately his return was followed by a accident of epic proportions.
As you are all aware TDC had a problem with mutated infernal internal memos a year back and since then almost half of the offices in the build were locked down.
As it has been along time Evisk had forgotten about the memos and proceeded to open one of the locked down offices.
After some unsuccessful tries he managed to open the office door with the use of cinder block from the TDC secret basement stash.
Upon opening the office thousands upon thousands of mutated internal memos poured out of the office and proceeded to chase said reporter around the building.
Currently the TDC News Building is in complete chaos as rabid mutated internal memos roam the hallways looking for what they call "The Great Memo" which they belive will lead them to their salvation.
TDC reporter Evisk has barricaded himself in his old office ,the cubicle in toilet block 16B, hoping some of the TDC reporters will come and save him.

On a more hilarious note a headcrab with what seemed to be an old Elite Combine Soldier Helmet was seen exiting the same office the memos were released from.
And was last seen heading for the front door of the TDC News Building.


We will keep you informed as the story unfolds.





P.S Hey guys sorry about my disappearing act but school and stuff kept me busy and at some point I just totally forgot about this :<
Also I think I have the rest of the headcrab story somewhere around here "looks around frantically".

 

[Omega11]

TDC Rescue Project
It was recently reported that Evisk has been trapped and presumably questioned in the TDC building. Teams of Combine CPs have been sent into evaluate the situation.
"It would appear we have a real mess on our hands." Said CP officer Greg.
"We can't enter without becoming infected, we already lost one CP member."
Hobbes, the said CP officer, was removed from the scene recently as he had become infected and required immediate re-assimilation.
"He came out spreading words like 'noob' spelt with zeroes, and dignifying terms by 'teh' instead of the usual 'the'." Greg reports on the situation.
Fortunately, Our Benefactors have been able to supply a small crack team of CP specialists, as all other combine elite forces are dealing with the Nova Prospekt situation. The once two man army has now been reduced to Greg.
"I've been staking out the perimeter for nights, if not weeks, and I'm beginning to reall ha-love the situation as Our Benefactors have given me full pay, and even more so, supply me with enough food for months, everyone should join the CP Unit."
We assure you that Our Benefactors Did not ed-hurt or painfully beat us in any way, join the Combine TODAY!

Nova Prospekt Conquest
In other news, the situation at Nova Prospekt is not getting much better. Today we remember Elite 2041, also known to friends, as Joel. Joel died at the age of 13 years since Combine Assimilation. He was one of the first elites put into service. Joel died protecting the perimeter of City 17, and although he was mutalated beyond recognition, you could tell it was Joel.
"You just sort of Knew it was him. The whiteness of his suit, the crystal clarity of his shattered red lens, we'll miss him. . . if only I had emotions." Were the words of unit 2500-01A (aka Sparrow), who was shortly mauled by an Antlion Guard.

 

[Azner]

<3 YEAH

Weapons Organiser Azner Reporting for duty

The Rebel Post

Big Shot Breen Sighted With Mechanical Replacements

Yes, this morning Dr.Breen was sighted around 9:42am in a combine fortress by a scout. The scout was found dead, shot in the groin by a combine pulse sniper. In his the rebelcomms system, we heard that he had spotted Mecha Breen before hearing the lound screams of the pain he got.

-Azner​

Btw needs moar pictures!

 

[Omega11]

Indeed

1st Mutated Internal Memo of TDC V. 2.0

We need more. . . I really shouldn't start this ><

 

[Acepilotf14]

Stalkers go on strike.
Due to unfair labor conditions, the loyal combine stalker committee, (LCSC) has gone on strike today about unfair labor conditions. They say they are not allowed to have feet, wear clothing, but are instead forced to wear sharp bulky metal things, and are starved to death, only to have a constant state of starvation because once they are starved, they are changed so they no longer have to eat. They are also very disturbed after a very scary man broke into the citadel and killed several stalkers, causing thier wives to be widowed. They also had no life insurance, another gripe the stalkers are having with their overlords. Work is expected to continue next week when this strike is quelled and new workers are brought in from City 12.

 

[Omega11]

WHOAH! I can starve myself, and not have to eat, AT ALL AFTER THAT D=

HOT DAMN! ANOREXIA HERE I COME!

 

[Nemesis6]

Crab-sickness epidemic plagues outskirts of City 17

Residents of the Hratetsk outskirts of City 17 have been reporting strange flue-like symptoms after errant headcrabs were dumped in their area yesterday. "Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to be alive after being headcrabbed, but I feel kind of strange now. I can't really really feel my lower legs." one worried Citizen stated. One local expert on alien physiology explained: "These headcrabs were apparently dumped because they lacked the chemical necessary for the successful takeover of the host's nervous system. What seems to be the case here is that the poison which disables the host's control over the nervous system is there, but it has no benefit for the parasite when not combined with nervola neusalis -- Which is not present in these errant prototypes. Nervola neusalis is the chemical which, in essence, allows the headcrab to take over the now inert nervous system. Now, my theory is this: Based on experiments performed in the field, I have found that no venom stays in the host body, but the host's immune system has been hyperstimulated in most cases I've inspected: This apparently forces the venom back into the headcrab, which suggests."

Rumor has it that some citizens have taken it upon themselves to domesticate these creatures. One citizen had this to say: "My brother started taming these little things. I thought he was nuts, but apparently, these things make great pets and he's got hundreds of letters from willing buyers within City 17. Just gotta teach 'em not to jump on the table when dinner is served, they're kind of impulsive like that sometimes."

 

[Azner]

Combine Estate Brawl​

Citizens of the suburb area of City 17 may seem to live in houses that seem pretty horrible and crappy from the outside,
most citizens would rather live in broken houses with metrocops running around everyday.
The citizens are currently revolting against the Combine Housing Estate Board
claiming that the houses they choose to either live in are "Shitty" and "Disgusting"​

A house in Suburb 17from the outside​

To clear any doubts and misconception of Suburb 17,
The Combine Houseing Estate Board has put these pictures up for the citizens to
see that the houses in Suburb 17 may look horrible from the outside, but are defintely nice on the inside.​

The houses in Suburb 17 from the inside​

Further News Today. The Headcrab mob leader, Headio Yeearh, has made an announcement to the whole world to talk about his plans of dominating the world. Pictures below.

The Headcrab mod leader Headio Yeearh making his speach from an anonymous location.

The Combine has replied by bombing the suspected locations with headcrab canisters.​

 

[SamuraiKenji]

my Butt Is Itching.DO NOT ASK WHY.....because im not sure.......SCRATCHING ASS​

that is all​

 

[Jintor]

GTFO Inkheart.

 

[SamuraiKenji]

lol just having some fun no harm in that XD

 

[Jintor]

That was no article. You call that an article? That was, at the MOST, a MEMO. And not a particularly good one at that. You get to your cubicle THIS INSTANT and produce something that I can PUBLISH, or you are eating STUNSTICK for the rest of the week. AM I CLEAR?

 

[<RJMC>]

PINEAPPLE YOGURT IS FVCKING DELICIOUS
SAYS THE ADMINISTRATOR

after eating some form of pineapple yogurt the administrator admirable doctor breen, was facinated by it
"is fvcking delicious" said the administrator which ordered to include 40% of the total daily rations as just pineapple togurt
though due to the fermented state of the fruit in the preparation the yogurt can induce a severe case of diarrhea which caused the administrator to stay in the bathroom for 5 hours consecutive
"I dont care,is delicious" said the administrator after exiting the bathroom
preparing for the flush
in the next 2 days the pineapple yogurt will be added to the daily rations and to contra restate the incoming case of several diarrhea new water pumpers stations will be build in strategical positions by eliminating certain building and sending the inhabitants to the happy camps in nova prospekt
"you will love the pineapple yogurt,and if you refuse to consume it your daily beatings will increase by 80%" mentioned the administrator to the reporters

 

[Fuzileer]

LOSE WEIGHT IN MERE MINUTES!
It's true!
With just a quick one-hour process, you can lose over half your body weight and look noticeably healthier! You will become almost as thin as Victoria Beckham!


J. Smith says:
"I never felt... (Better) In my entire life..."

K. Harrold says:
"I want to... (Live life to the full.) I really... (Do not) Regret getting this done..."


How can this be better?

ITS ALL FREE AS PART OF THE COMBINE-HEALTH SCEME PLAN!

Also, there are many job oppertunities available in the form of Combine Technicians, with no previous experience neccesary!

To take a part in thi fabulous offer, simply go to your nearest combine advisor and ask them about;
"The Stalker Scheme."

They will no doubt be able to help you out.

Breen.​

 

[ríomhaire]

Terrorist Leader Killed
"Vital intelligence" extracted
Eli Vance, a global terrorist leader, has been successfully neutralised in an Overwatch strike on a terrorist base. The terrorists were believed to be trying to launch a device to attack key infrastructure of the union. Another result of the strike was the seizing of intelligence detailing the terrorist hierarchy and intentions.

The terrorist group, known as the Lambda Resistance are known to be lead by the personnel directly responsible for the Black Mesa Incident, including Anticitizen One, Gordon Freeman. The terrorists have already caused heavy casualties in City 17, with citizen casualties reaching thousands. Continues page 5

 

[SamuraiKenji]

That was no article. You call that an article? That was, at the MOST, a MEMO. And not a particularly good one at that. You get to your cubicle THIS INSTANT and produce something that I can PUBLISH, or you are eating STUNSTICK for the rest of the week. AM I CLEAR?

SIR HELL NO SIR!


and if i eat a stunstick you have to eat a activated ManHack