WaterMelon34
Vortigaunt
- Joined
- Jan 21, 2004
- Messages
- 863
- Reaction score
- 5
I saw a picture of a woman - who I will not name - a few weeks ago and I didn't think anything of her but how she had a nice ass. I looked back a few minutes later and I couldn't stop staring at her face, and then I just felt a sudden rush of this feeling that I've never felt before. It's not a good feeling...It keeps me up at night and sometimes I just curl up and feel like dieing. I guess you could say that the sight of her face devastates me. I don't think there's anything that I don't like about her, maybe I just don't like that she has something that I don't...but I don't know what that is.
I look at that picture every day now, but everytime I do I cry. And all I can think of is how beautiful she is. Is it love? Depression? Jealousy? I feel like there might be something wrong with me, like I have a mental problem. And it scares me so much that I spend time infront of a mirror staring at myself and saying that I'm fine.
I tried telling my friends about it, but the closest thing to actual help that I got was "you'll get over it". Like **** I'll get over it, I'm getting ****ing eaten alive by a god damn PICTURE. I even tried talking to my priest about it at confession. He told me everyone feels jealous about other people's characteristics and he gave me some shitty analogy about someone who was good at math. No way in hell I'm telling my parents... They mock me when I don't feel like dealing with their crap.
I think it might be depression, which would be understandable. But I don't want it to be depression. A psychologist would spoon feed me bullshit on how what I'm experiencing is depression and that it's a chemical imbalance or whatever. I'd kill myself if I knew that I was just another part of the monotony of the world and that I will get over this and go back to my usual life. I just hope something good will come of this. Maybe something lifechanging.
And all I can think about is how beautiful she is... :stare:
I look at that picture every day now, but everytime I do I cry. And all I can think of is how beautiful she is. Is it love? Depression? Jealousy? I feel like there might be something wrong with me, like I have a mental problem. And it scares me so much that I spend time infront of a mirror staring at myself and saying that I'm fine.
I tried telling my friends about it, but the closest thing to actual help that I got was "you'll get over it". Like **** I'll get over it, I'm getting ****ing eaten alive by a god damn PICTURE. I even tried talking to my priest about it at confession. He told me everyone feels jealous about other people's characteristics and he gave me some shitty analogy about someone who was good at math. No way in hell I'm telling my parents... They mock me when I don't feel like dealing with their crap.
I think it might be depression, which would be understandable. But I don't want it to be depression. A psychologist would spoon feed me bullshit on how what I'm experiencing is depression and that it's a chemical imbalance or whatever. I'd kill myself if I knew that I was just another part of the monotony of the world and that I will get over this and go back to my usual life. I just hope something good will come of this. Maybe something lifechanging.
And all I can think about is how beautiful she is... :stare: