A SAXTON HALE CHRISTMAS

[Zhurgoul]

Hello halflife2.net. I have a treat for you Team Fortress 2 fans. I heard from a certain somebody that a certain somebody is coming to a certain team of nine mercenaries under the employ of a certain pair of authoritarian holding companies. No, it isn't Santa Claus, and no it's not AT&T and Taco Bell.

Saxton Hale is coming to RED and BLU for a very special Christmas RUSTLE! Yes, friends, you heard right! Quit waiting for that overstuffed elf of the north and start anticipating that handsome devil from down unda, because he's got something special planned JUST FOR YOU, (insert class of choice here)!

Hm? How do I know this? Why, I heard it through the grape vine, of course... by which I mean I completely made all of that up. Or did I? HO HO HO, MAGGOTS.

It's a http://forums.steampowered.com/forums/showthread.php?t=1053311 <---SAXTON HALE CHRISTMAS! Posted this on the steam forums and I thought I might share the cheer with you folks here.

 

[kupocake]

Try to cut around the thread mate, I like this poster's tabasco!

 

[Zhurgoul]

Saxton Hale throws a beer bottle at your head, indicating that he likes you.

 

[Warped]

I really dislike your face and name....change that!

 

[MorganFreeman911]

I like the idea!

 

[Lucid]

I like this guy.

 

[MorganFreeman911]

As do I. He made a good first impression.
He's permitted to enter.
Welcome to HL2.net, It's safer here...

 

[Zhurgoul]

:afro:

 

[Eejit]

Hey, you can join my baccarat games anytime, pal.

 

[Zhurgoul]

Due to the warm welcome I've received here, I've decided to share this with you folks and you alone. You heard me correctly: you will be privy to an extraordinary unveiling of T'was the Night Before 2Fort. Title makes no sense? Haha, no problem! It's not supposed to.

T'was the Night Before 2Fort

Twas the night before Christmas, when all throught 2Fort
Not a Pyro was cackling, not even a snort
The intel was lain in the basement with care
In hopes that ol' Saxton soon would be there

The Demo was nestled all snug in his bed
While visions of scrumpy danced in his head
Heavy and Medic, both bearing wide smiles
Had just settled down to spoon for a while

When out on the bridge there arose such a clatter
That Scout double-jumped to see what was the matter
And lo, in the midst of a taunt ill-advised
Was BONK'd so hard it exploded his eyes

The moon on the sheen of the metal bridge roof
Gave RED and BLU indisputible proof
There perched on the corpse of the dearly departed
Lay Saxton Hale's chopper, THAT'S WHEN THE SCREAMS STARTED

"Now Medic, now Engie, now Soldier and Pyro!
On Spy, on Sniper, on Heavy and Demo!
Go get your pistols, your flamers, your baseballs and flares!
Your kukries, your shotguns, HE SOON WILL BE THERE!"

As the Announcer's voice reluctantly faded
Sounds from the bridge abruptly abated
And all stared with awe as just then from within
Out stepped the Aussie with a murderous grin

He was gigantic and hairy, a muscular fiend
His moustache was twitching, his eyes dark and keen
A crack of his knuckles and a twist of his head
Filled our weak hearts with horrible dread

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
And ripped the Spy's head off with a terrible jerk
And after cramming his foot ten feet up the ass
Of a terrified Soldier, he'd completed his task

He sprang back to his chopper, gave his pilot a punch
And they flew off the corpse of the Scout with a crunch
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight
"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, GO DIE IN A FIGHT!"

 

[Sheepo]

Should be "The night before Critmas".

 

[Qonfused]

I approve of this guy. Welcome.

 

[Higlac]

Hooray! A newbie who's not a complete and total f*ckwit!