End of the road...

[repiV]

As some of you may know, my mum was diagnosed with a gliblastoma grade IV brain tumour in October 2006. It's the most deadly form of cancer in existence, and terminal in virtually all cases. When she was diagnosed, the doctor gave her five months to live.
Generally speaking, she's done extremely well. Eighteen months is well above average survival time for this illness, and she's put on a brave face and kept a very positive attitude throughout.
In the last few months, however, her condition has gone rapidly downhill. She's lost most of her personality, can't really do anything except sleep and watch TV from the hospital bed we had installed in the lounge. Her ability to hold a conversation has been very limited for a while now.
I never expected it to be this sudden, though. At 5am yesterday morning she had a massive seizure that didn't stop for two hours. We were told that she was dying, and we stayed at the hospital all day yesterday. She was unconscious for the whole ten hours we were there, and looked in a really bad way. According to the doctor, she has days to live at most.
Today she was conscious some of the time, but only to the extent that she could recognise us and babble incoherently. And, for reasons I'm not quite clear on, they can't give her any fluids. She can't drink anything because she will choke and it will just collect around her lungs, and they can't give it to her via a drip because it would just clog up the veins and wouldn't do her any good. She's extremely dehydrated and it's horrible to witness. Every time she wakes up (for maybe 20 seconds at a time) she just wants water and complains of back pain.
I don't understand the science behind that at all, but you can't live without water, and realistically I don't think she's going to live past tomorrow or Monday at a stretch.

I'd been wanting to have a conversation with her about how much she meant to me and how much I appreciate everything she's done for us, but I was putting it off because I didn't know quite what to say or how to say it - and I didn't want to upset her, her way of dealing with her situation was to avoid talking or thinking about it and just get on with life. And I didn't really spend any time with her on Thursday because I was working all day and I wanted to finish reading Snow Crash afterwards. I was going to make up for it this weekend. And now I have no chance to.
She's a truly wonderful person, and is more important to me than anyone else on this earth. She sacrificed everything to look after us - my dad with multiple sclerosis, who she divorced 15 years ago but continued to care for, my brother with severe learning difficulties, and myself as until a few years ago I had very severe epilepsy and needed to be cared for constantly. She had no life for herself, but the cruel thing is that she was just getting in a position to be able to have her own life. She was going to be a legal secretary in the city, as she was many years ago, and I was going to pay for family holidays which we had never been able to afford in the past. Things were looking great. Then mere months later she got the bad news.
I was planning to do something very special for her birthday in June, I was expecting her to live another three months at least.

What I can't stand is that I'm not sitting here wrecked with grief and sadness. In some way, it's actually kind of a relief to finally have a resolution to the situation when this has been hanging over our heads for so long. I feel like I should be in terrible pain right now, but I'm not. Maybe it's because I've already gone through the grieving process and accepted things for what they are - the person I knew and loved left us quite some time ago.
Mostly I'm just terribly sorry for her, she lived a hard and stressful life devoted to making our lives better, and just when she was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, it got cut off. I never got the chance to pay her back for everything she's done. She's only 51.
In honour of her memory, I intend to live the best damn life I possibly can and be the best person I can be, in order that her efforts were not in vain. Life sucks. And I'm dreading tomorrow.

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

You're a braver woman than any of us. ;(

 

[Vegeta897]

Damn, man.

She sounded like a real hero... So cruel of a fate.

I hope you keep your spirits up, this sounds pretty devastating.

 

[Slug Advisor]

Woah... I really don't know what to say. And don't feel bad about your feelings. I guess relief is pretty natural in such a situation, though I've never experienced anything like it, and I'm truly sorry you have.

 

[Qonfused]

Sad story.

From the way you describe her, she sounds like a wonderful caring person.

 

[MFD00M]

My mother died of cancer in 2005. I felt like an idiot because all i could talk to her about was pointless current stuff that was happening in my life. I really hope you get the chance to talk to her, even if she cant respond.

 

[Atomic_Piggy]

RepiV, I seriously think you should talk to her. Right. The fuck. Now. Because, and I don't want to scare you, she is proboaly not gonna see tommorow afternoon.

I am really sorry for you and her. Its terrible when things like this happen - people work hard they're whole lives and are the kindest people possible, and then it is swept up from beneath they're feet.

 

[jverne]

As some of you may know, my mum was diagnosed with a gliblastoma grade IV brain tumour in October 2006. It's the most deadly form of cancer in existence, and terminal in virtually all cases. When she was diagnosed, the doctor gave her five months to live.
Generally speaking, she's done extremely well. Eighteen months is well above average survival time for this illness, and she's put on a brave face and kept a very positive attitude throughout.
In the last few months, however, her condition has gone rapidly downhill. She's lost most of her personality, can't really do anything except sleep and watch TV from the hospital bed we had installed in the lounge. Her ability to hold a conversation has been very limited for a while now.
I never expected it to be this sudden, though. At 5am yesterday morning she had a massive seizure that didn't stop for two hours. We were told that she was dying, and we stayed at the hospital all day yesterday. She was unconscious for the whole ten hours we were there, and looked in a really bad way. According to the doctor, she has days to live at most.
Today she was conscious some of the time, but only to the extent that she could recognise us and babble incoherently. And, for reasons I'm not quite clear on, they can't give her any fluids. She can't drink anything because she will choke and it will just collect around her lungs, and they can't give it to her via a drip because it would just clog up the veins and wouldn't do her any good. She's extremely dehydrated and it's horrible to witness. Every time she wakes up (for maybe 20 seconds at a time) she just wants water and complains of back pain.
I don't understand the science behind that at all, but you can't live without water, and realistically I don't think she's going to live past tomorrow or Monday at a stretch.

I'd been wanting to have a conversation with her about how much she meant to me and how much I appreciate everything she's done for us, but I was putting it off because I didn't know quite what to say or how to say it - and I didn't want to upset her, her way of dealing with her situation was to avoid talking or thinking about it and just get on with life. And I didn't really spend any time with her on Thursday because I was working all day and I wanted to finish reading Snow Crash afterwards. I was going to make up for it this weekend. And now I have no chance to.
She's a truly wonderful person, and is more important to me than anyone else on this earth. She sacrificed everything to look after us - my dad with multiple sclerosis, who she divorced 15 years ago but continued to care for, my brother with severe learning difficulties, and myself as until a few years ago I had very severe epilepsy and needed to be cared for constantly. She had no life for herself, but the cruel thing is that she was just getting in a position to be able to have her own life. She was going to be a legal secretary in the city, as she was many years ago, and I was going to pay for family holidays which we had never been able to afford in the past. Things were looking great. Then mere months later she got the bad news.
I was planning to do something very special for her birthday in June, I was expecting her to live another three months at least.

What I can't stand is that I'm not sitting here wrecked with grief and sadness. In some way, it's actually kind of a relief to finally have a resolution to the situation when this has been hanging over our heads for so long. I feel like I should be in terrible pain right now, but I'm not. Maybe it's because I've already gone through the grieving process and accepted things for what they are - the person I knew and loved left us quite some time ago.
Mostly I'm just terribly sorry for her, she lived a hard and stressful life devoted to making our lives better, and just when she was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, it got cut off. I never got the chance to pay her back for everything she's done. She's only 51.
In honour of her memory, I intend to live the best damn life I possibly can and be the best person I can be, in order that her efforts were not in vain. Life sucks. And I'm dreading tomorrow.

wow, thats a really tough situation you're living trough. i hope at least something good will come out of it.



honestly i'm feeling bit better after reading this. let me explain. i have for some years (5-6 years) chronic back pain due to an stupid accident which i permanently (unrepairable) dislodged one major vertebrate (correct word?). i'm in chronic pain all day and i can't do things i once did anymore. it really pisses me of and makes me depressed from time to time. but i consider myself luck compared to what other people must deal with. i can still walk, run and do most basic and moderate tasks. but i guess i won't be base jumping anytime soon
anyway i was just trying to say that in a tiny, tiny portion i feel you.

wish you best of luck

 

[Beerdude26]

I feel for you, losing a loved one is one of the worst things there is. You've got my support.

 

[Ravioli]

Thats horrible i dont think i could ever be able to handle such distress if that happend to anyone i know, you are very strong.

 

[jimbo118]

Aw jesus, I choked up a bit reading that, even though we don't really 'know' each other its still so sad.

My father died in 2000 of cancer, I was 15. I kind of had feelings of wanting to tell him how much he meant to me too but he died very quickly.

Pfft Be strong as much you can.

 

[repiV]

Damn, man.

She sounded like a real hero... So cruel of a fate.

I hope you keep your spirits up, this sounds pretty devastating.

She certainly was, and always will be. Hell, she even did things to look after me when I came out of hospital in November. I certainly regret that I spent the last six months of her life - most especially the tail end of last year - as a self-inflicted disabled burden on the family, with problems of my own to worry about that were a detriment to the attention I've been able to give her.
I'll be fine I'm sure, but I don't think my brother will. Poor guy.

Woah... I really don't know what to say. And don't feel bad about your feelings. I guess relief is pretty natural in such a situation, though I've never experienced anything like it, and I'm truly sorry you have.

You're a braver woman than any of us. ;(

Sad story.

From the way you describe her, she sounds like a wonderful caring person.

Thanks, guys.

My mother died of cancer in 2005. I felt like an idiot because all i could talk to her about was pointless current stuff that was happening in my life. I really hope you get the chance to talk to her, even if she cant respond.

I'm really sorry to hear that. It's a horrible disease.
If it helps any, I've had the same experience. We had a very close relationship, for the past couple of years up until she got ill she was my best friend as well as my mother. The more ill she got, the more her personality and her ability to communicate ebbed away. Eventually there was just nothing to talk about, you know?

RepiV, I seriously think you should talk to her. Right. The fuck. Now. Because, and I don't want to scare you, she is proboaly not gonna see tommorow afternoon.

Unfortunately I can't get to the hospital by myself, thanks to my leg. I'm in a ****load of pain just from being out all day actually. We'll be going down in the morning though, and I'll make every effort possible. Hopefully she'll be able to hear me.

I am really sorry for you and her. Its terrible when things like this happen - people work hard they're whole lives and are the kindest people possible, and then it is swept up from beneath they're feet.

That's why I'm a cynical bastard these days. Bad things happen to good people.

 

[Ennui]

My best friend's mother died of cancer two years ago. My thoughts are with you, there's nothing more painful or sad than that entire process, much respect for handling it like you are.

 

[Fliko]

I feel for you man, it's really shitty to go through something like that.
I was pulled out of school once to only hear my Stepdad was gonna die in 24 hours from cancer, it was quite ****ing hard. I made the best of it though and I changed myself a lot to have a more positive outlook on life.

The water part was probably the hardest, seeing someone wanting one simple thing so bad but yet they can't have it; something that we luxirously drink without a problem everyday.

 

[Crash]

My mom died of cancer when I was 10. She raised 3 kids by herself in a day when divorce was taboo. She never smoked or drank. Bad things sure do happen to good people. I may know just a touch of how you feel to be close to someone who was so unselfish...
It may help if you try what Atomic_Piggy said, try to talk to her, even if she seems not to hear you, it may help you to tell her the things you want to say...
Try to hang in there
....

 

[Evo]

My thoughts are with you and your family repiv. Sad to hear about this kind of thing.

 

[repiV]

wow, thats a really tough situation you're living trough. i hope at least something good will come out of it.

I guess it will. It's the kind of experience that forces you to become stronger. My brother in particular has had to learn to become a lot more independent. A couple of years ago, I didn't think he'd ever be able to survive on his own, but now I know he can.
It's horrible to think of such a situation in these terms though.

honestly i'm feeling bit better after reading this. let me explain. i have for some years (5-6 years) chronic back pain due to an stupid accident which i permanently (unrepairable) dislodged one major vertebrate (correct word?). i'm in chronic pain all day and i can't do things i once did anymore. it really pisses me of and makes me depressed from time to time. but i consider myself luck compared to what other people must deal with. i can still walk, run and do most basic and moderate tasks. but i guess i won't be base jumping anytime soon
anyway i was just trying to say that in a tiny, tiny portion i feel you.

Someone's always worse off, but there's really nothing wrong with being pissed off about your situation. The important thing really is to make the most of what you've got, but it's perfectly normal to be angry.
I'm in a fairly similar situation to you (definitely not as bad, but the same kind of repercussions if you catch my drift), my leg took such major damage that I expect I'll still have the crutches holders on my bike in five years time. It certainly pisses me off from time to time, even with everything else that's going on. Ultimately though, the key to happiness is working to improve the things you can change, and not to worry about the things you can't. I hope you are managing to live a life that is at least moderately pleasing for you.

wish you best of luck

Thank you.

I feel for you, losing a loved one is one of the worst things there is. You've got my support.

Thats horrible i dont think i could ever be able to handle such distress if that happend to anyone i know, you are very strong.

Thanks. I think it's really a matter of timing. It's a bridge we all have to cross sooner or later, I hope that when it's your time you are prepared for it and that your loved ones have lived rich and full lives.

Aw jesus, I choked up a bit reading that, even though we don't really 'know' each other its still so sad.

My father died in 2000 of cancer, I was 15. I kind of had feelings of wanting to tell him how much he meant to me too but he died very quickly.

Pfft Be strong as much you can.

Same for me reading this...15 is terribly young to be losing a parent. At least I have the consolation that I don't need parents anymore, and I've had a year and a half to get used to the idea. I hope your experience has not unduly affected your ability to live your life in the years that followed.

My best friend's mother died of cancer two years ago. My thoughts are with you, there's nothing more painful or sad than that entire process, much respect for handling it like you are.

Thank you. The worst thing about cancer is that it robs you of your quality of life, your identity and everything about you until you have nothing left but your pulse. If she was told she had eighteen months to live, but it would be a healthy eighteen months, that wouldn't be so bad. We could have made the most of that time.
What's tended to happen is that we would put off doing certain things until she felt better, but then her condition would deteriorate and all these opportunities would slip away. She really wanted to see New York, and she wanted to go on the Orient Express with her sisters. Just never found the "right time" and then it was too late.
I hope your friend is coping with his situation.

I feel for you man, it's really shitty to go through something like that.
I was pulled out of school once to only hear my Stepdad was gonna die in 24 hours from cancer, it was quite ****ing hard. I made the best of it though and I changed myself a lot to have a more positive outlook on life.

The water part was probably the hardest, seeing someone wanting one simple thing so bad but yet they can't have it; something that we luxirously drink without a problem everyday.

How come you only got 24 hours notice? That's completely awful. I'm glad it was a motivating factor for you though. The way I see it, life is a series of tests. We endure tragedies so that we may grow and develop, becoming better, stronger and more mature people. By doing so, we learn to appreciate the good in life instead of being traumatised by the bad. I find I generally can't relate to people who've had an easy life.

 

[15357]

Oh god, that's horrible. I haven't lost a close relative or a family member yet, thankfully, so I'm not quite sure what to say. It must be horrible, beyond anything I can comprehend right now.

Horrible... Sorry, man.

 

[repiV]

Oh god, that's horrible. I haven't lost a close relative or a family member yet, thankfully, so I'm not quite sure what to say. It must be horrible, beyond anything I can comprehend right now.

Horrible... Sorry, man.

Thanks. I hope you don't have to deal with that for a long time to come.

I thought I'd upload a picture of her. We have this framed in the lounge, it was taken on Christmas Day in 2006. She'd put on quite a bit of weight due to the steroids, but she's so happy there like I haven't seen her for a long time.
We had a really great Christmas and New Year then, actually.

Edit: sorry Evo, your post got buried at the top of the page.

Thanks for your kind thoughts.

 

[Qonfused]

This is honestly bringing tears to my eyes.

I'm so sorry.

 

[<RJMC>]

dam I am so sorry too

I guess the best thing you can do is to be near her
maybe she will not talk you or stay sleep but alteast you and the rest of your family will be there

honestly that hurts

 

[kineaesth]

Oh... That's really, terribly sad. I'm getting teary.

Much support man. If I was a Christian, I'd so be praying for you.

 

[Eejit]

I don't know what to say man... it's terrible to lose a family member. It's good that you were so close, even though it makes losing her worse at least you truly appreciated her while you were together rather than realising too late.

 

[Iron Kat]

God, I don't really know what to say apart from I'm so sorry for both of you. My Granny died of cancer on my 7th birthday so I know what it's like, too. Be strong, man, you can get through this.

 

[taviow]

Mostly I'm just terribly sorry for her, she lived a hard and stressful life devoted to making our lives better, and just when she was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, it got cut off. I never got the chance to pay her back for everything she's done. She's only 51.
In honour of her memory, I intend to live the best damn life I possibly can and be the best person I can be, in order that her efforts were not in vain. Life sucks. And I'm dreading tomorrow.

I feel sorry for you
Her objective for so many years was to give a better life to you all. She succeded. She dies knowing that her mission is accomplished - she took care of you, your brother, your dad. You are all healthy and have good lives. She did what she wanted to do. So she did see the light at the end of the tunnel.
For now, stand next to her at all time. Don't think about work and, most importantly, talk to her, don't think about the fact that she might not be able to hear you, say everything you need to say.

 

[Fliko]

How come you only got 24 hours notice? That's completely awful. I'm glad it was a motivating factor for you though. The way I see it, life is a series of tests. We endure tragedies so that we may grow and develop, becoming better, stronger and more mature people. By doing so, we learn to appreciate the good in life instead of being traumatised by the bad. I find I generally can't relate to people who've had an easy life.

The doctors just thought it was a really bad back pain for about 3 months, and then he got a test (He had this test before, it was just a real aggressive form of liver cancer) and they're like "He's going to die in 24 hours..". The cancer grew very fast.

I'm going out on limb and might be called inmorale or horrible for this, but I'm glad my Stepdad passed away. It taught me more things then I can ever imagine learning in a lifetime. It taught me things that many people still don't know of all ages, it sort've made me go "Whoa.. I'm going to die one day, and the people around me are going to die too. I got to go out and enjoy life as I want and wish too. Don't wait, do it now!". I'm still learning shit from this, and I'm still getting motivated from it. Ultimately I think he would be happy for influencing one's life at such a level, and I don't think I was the only one who was influenced like this from his death.

I certainly regret that I spent the last six months of her life - most especially the tail end of last year - as a self-inflicted disabled burden on the family

It sounds like you had an amazing Mom, and I don't think you should feel guilty for "pulling her back" with your "self-inflicted disabilities". She had a choice of what she wanted to do, and it probably brought her self-satisfaction to go help you and everyone else in the family. She was able to be proud of being a good mother in a world where good parents are becoming a rarity. I wouldn't even say that you were pulling her back, like I said, I imagine she would've gotten self-satisfaction from helping you and everyone else out.

 

[highlander]

Repiv, you have my support, the way you describe her, she sounds like a fantastic lady. You really should spend her last remaining hours with her, and just talk too her. She would probably really like it.


My grandmother died of cancer when I was 12, I was at her bed side holding her hand, when she finally passed on. I don't think anything in my life can top the depression and annoyance of what had happened too her.


I wish you the best RepiV

 

[Warbie]

Sincere condolences

 

[MorganFreeman911]

Wow, you're an incredibly strong person. I hope that the rest of your life is a great one. I'm so terribly sorry about your mum, though.

 

[kirovman]

Sorry to hear that.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you pull through ok.

 

[VirusType2]

I'm really sorry RepIV.

 

[Solaris]

Truly terrible news.

You have my thoughts and condolences. I really hope you get through this and your mother suffers as little as possible.

 

[Pulse]

Stay strong man, my thoughts go out to you and your family.

 

[Omnomnick]

But what is at the end of the road....

A random field with sheep in it...?

 

[iizbl4ck]

im really sorry and i hope you get a chance to talk to her...she sounds like she is a great person.

 

[Omnomnick]

Yeh, she sounds nice, stick with it and it might go alright in the end.

 

[Shakermaker]

Huggles

 

[Omnomnick]

/me hugs the thread

 

[repiV]

Thank you all for your kind thoughts. She passed away this morning at 10:45...I wasn't there but I understand she went peacefully in her sleep.
The hardest thing was saying goodbye. Such a horrible finality to it all. And that's the first time I've encountered a dead body - skin goes yellow, blue lips, blue knuckles, everything goes cold...horrible. Eventually we had to let them take her away.
I'm really dreading the funeral. Otherwise, life seems to go on, only a whole lot emptier than it was before. Mostly I just feel tired and numb.

 

[CptStern]

holy shit repiv that's horrible ..dont have much time now but pm if you want to talk ..I've had my fair share of going through the loss of loved ones