Funny quotes

[Zeus]

Post a funny quote..the quote can be from anywhere.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep... not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

 

[TCfromBN]

Hah, I love that one.

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

The ingredients are one cup water and ten pounds of SHUT THE **** UP. - Stigmata

I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air

God: What did you find?

A F***ing 90'S SITCOM. - Stigmata

And finally....

That guy, he's always in the staition, mumbling to himself, he never eats and never sleeps, he never leaves, he doesn't go for food, he's always in the station, mumbling to himself, he never eats and never sleeps, he never leaves, he doesn't go for food, he's always in the station, mumbling to himsel - HOLY SHIT HE'S CONTAGIOUS! - Rimfire

 

[Darkside55]

I got one:

This thread's gonna get closed, lol

 

[Adrik_Senturu]

One day when I get really really rich I'm going to own an amusement park. And in this amusement park I'll create a ride. You'll step into a room that opens into a long straight hallway of pitch blackness. The kind of darkness where you can't see anything and even when your eyes begin to focus, you still can't make much out. You'll walk and walk and walk and then all of a sudden you'll get to the end. And as you step out into the sunshine, you'll be squinting because you won't be able to see and that's when I'll punch you in the face

Forgot where I found that. Might've been SA.

 

[Dan]

Of that which one cannot speak, thereof one must make random noises

It's not exactly the original quote, but I like this version better

 

[Xendance]

The ingredients are one cup water and ten pounds of SHUT THE **** UP. - Stigmata

You loved that quote so much it was even in your personal message on MSN. How sweet.

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

No, I love Stigmata that much.

I wonder what porn looks like in HD. - GordonFreeman911

 

[co05]

"Oh god how did this get here? I am not good with computer."

 

[Kula Meenur]

****ing loved this one

I think looking at that website (this) changed me, I just found a new level of hate and rage. I already hated shit like that, but this....this needs CLEANSING. - Smoke

and this one...

I have ripped open the chest of a man, clawed away his ribs and ate his heart. - Danimal

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye - Jondy

Then it's f***ing hilarious - TollBooth Willeh

Zephos (Zombie):
Woot, finally received my infraction!
Danimal (moderator):
And another one for good luck...

And thens for more great justice...

I love spiders. I fantasize about their hairy little legs running wildly across my naked body. -OVA

Knock knock!
Who's there?
THE POLICE OPEN UP BITCH!

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Silly bitch.
Silly bitch who?
Silly bitch, you cannot arrest me! - TollBooth Willeh

and then at long last... my sig

I'm one part relieved, one part lol, and one part tracking you down with a shotgun and a shovel

- Stiggy during teh Hl2.Willie accident

So, you're a pussy. You're a low self-esteem, indecisive, co-dependant pussy. "Oh, guys, I have a problem! My girlfriend cheats on me but that's OK because she's the best person for me and it really doesn't hurt anybody guys, and she's splitting up with me and I don't know if I should get back with her because even though she cheats on me she's really the best person for me and my life'd be worse without her and I probably couldn't get anyone else and I have no life outside of her besides some of my mates. What should I do? Splitting up isn't an option."

Basically, you're a pussy, and I have absolutely no idea why you'd bother to ask us for advice that you neither want nor seem to have any inclination to follow. You probably knew what our advice'd be before you posted. Seriously, who but the lowest, most self-esteem deprived weak-willed person would actually GIVE you the advice YOU want to hear? Were you expecting someone to say, "Go ahead, let her walk over you. Even though she ****s everyone else, and disregards you, she's the best thing in your life so stick it out, trooper!" Did you expect that? You knew what rational people would say, people with more than a mustard seed of confidence in themselves would say, and you still posted?

I can't stand people like you. You make me sick. You're so pathetic, justifying her actions. "It really doesn't hurt anybody." You know why she cheats on you, poindexter? Because you say shit like THAT! You justify HER mistakes! "She cheated on her other boyfriend but she's really trying not to be like that." Well, first off, she's not trying to hard, and secondly why should she? Why should she try? You'll not only accept, but DEFEND her actions!

And the fact that you say you won't be happy without her? YOU ARE A GODDAMNED PUSSY. Just go back to her, you spineless micropenis. You disgust me. Go run back to your whore girlfriend and listen to her exploits with other dicks in her vagina, and then spend your time trying to rationalize why she does it instead of wasting your time here, asking us to give you advice that you're NOT GOING TO TAKE. Get out of here.

Darkside55 flaming the **** outta an indecisive HL2.net n00b ****ing loved it so much ****in screencapped it

 

[Danimal]

Didn't realise how often I get quoted.

As in, twice.

 

[Tyguy]

get your pecker out of the fridge!!!!"

Always looking out for my well being

 

[Sloth]

Objects such as lightbulbs or wax candles cannot safely be used in anal masturbation, as they may break or shatter, causing dangerous medical situations.

Twas floating on the tubes I assume.

 

[Krynn72]

Wow. So he first bludgeons the desk with her head, then stomps her probably unconcious body, THEN 'produces' a steel bar and beats her with it, and if that weren't enough, he picks up her now most-likely lifeless corpse, announces to the no-doubt mortified classroom that he will take her to the nurse, but instead THREW HER OUT THE DAMN 4TH FLOOR WINDOW.

This is one of my all time favorites. Had it sigged for a long time.


Also, any of the one-liners Danimal or other mods have for when they close threads. They always crack me up.

 

[ríomhaire]

A circus made of meat.

He just wouldn't shut up about it!

Yeah damn, I'm wrong.

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

Hey Rimfire, remember this?

 

[AntiAnto]

Oh God.

Genius.