Half-Life Novel

h31s

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I got bored and made this. It is the first chapter in Half-Life 1 'Anomalous Materials'. I probably won't finish it, unless I get enough people telling me to.
Here it is:


Gordon woke up to the time being 7:30 AM; he was late for work. Gordon Freeman was a 27-year-old scientist who had a PhD and MIT in theoretical physics. He was stressed even more than usual because that day he was going to be a test subject in one of his crazy company, black mesa’s experiments. This test was top secret, so Gordon did not know exactly what he was doing; he just followed instructions so he could keep his job. Gordon boarded a tram car being carried by a rail on the ceiling of the underground facility of Black Mesa. He had a seat in the car while watching the typical, yet mysterious scenery. The automated female voice in the tram car had always annoyed him, telling him all of the Black Mesa procedures. He had seen the types of things he’s passed on his way, but he never knew what they were for. Robots carrying boxes, military soldiers, and helicopters were scattered around the facility. Gordon also saw a few creepy faces. One of them wore a blue suit and had an exhausted face, who would stare at Gordon whenever he had the chance. He didn’t know what was wrong with him, but he just tried to ignore him as much as he could. The car arrived at the destination. Gordon stepped out on to the small bridge walkway suspended over what appears to be an endless abyss. A security officer greeted him. “Good morning Mr. Freeman! Looks like you’re running late. The officer walked with him to the front entrance of the labs. The front door was a big metal door. The guard pushed some buttons on a keypad, and the metal door slid down into the floor, revealing another door inside a small room. The first front door slid back up behind Gordon as the next one slid down. All of his so-called fellow scientists stared at him. “Hey Mr. Freeman,” said Barney, the head security guard. Barney and Gordon have been friends since they were in high school. “I had a bunch of messages for you, but we had a system crash about twenty minutes ago and I’m still trying to find my files. It’s just one of those days I guess. They were having some problems down in the test chamber, too, but I think that’s all figured out. They told me to make sure you headed down as soon as you get into your hazard suit.” Gordon nodded his head as he swooped by. He ran down the lab halls past a series of doors until he reached the locker room. Scientists along the way commented on his lateness. He walked over to a room connected to the locker room. There he saw his Hazardous Environment Suit. He put on the suit and headed down the hall. He had an officer put in a code so Gordon could get through a glass door. Gordon wondered why the door was made of glass and required a code. He took a very low-tech elevator down to the Anomalous Materials laboratory. He read the room names until he saw ‘CONTROL ROOM’. He opened the glass door to the overwatch with 4 scientists. “Ah, Gordon, there you are. We just sent the sample down to the test chamber,” said the short haired one. “We boosted it to one hundred five percent. Could have gambled, but we need the extra resolution,” the longer haired scientist interrupted. “The administrator’s very concerned that we get a conclusive amount of today’s sample. I gather they went to some lengths to get it,” finished the African-American scientist. There was a short pause. Finally the short haired one said impatiently, “They’re waiting for you Gordon, in the test chamber.” Gordon didn’t get what that meant afterwards because he needed the scientist to scan his eye to get through the exit door. He walked along another hall until he reached a door titled ‘TEST LAB, C-33/a’. The two scientists watched him enter. “I’m afraid we’ll be deviating from standard analysis procedures today, Gordon,” said Dr. Carter. “Yes, but with good reason,” Dr. Jackson corrected. “This is a rare opportunity for us. This is the purest sample we’ve seen yet.” Dr. Carter popped in, “And potentially the most unstable.” “Now, Now if you follow standard insertion procedures everything will be fine.” “I don’t know how you can say that,” Doubted Carter, “Although I will admit the possibility of a resonance cascade scenario is extremely unlikely.” “Gordon doesn’t need to hear all this! He’s a highly trained professional. We’ve assured the administrator that nothing will go wrong. Well, let’s let him in.” Gordon was nervous. If he made one wrong move, who knows what terrible things could happen? Carter cleared his throat. The two scientists found themselves near an eye scanner, one of them on each side of the small room. That gave Gordon the indication the area beyond the large metal door in front of him was very dangerous. Both doctors activated the eye scanning process at the same time, typing in a code while doing so. The metal door opened, revealing a large area at an estimated seven thousand square feet. The area was greenish brown, and had three blocks formed as a triangle in the middle of it. The ceiling had pretty much the same thing, but the blocks were longer, and there were 3 small metal barrels floating suspiciously around the blocks. The Generator probably meant to shoot a laser beam from its core. At least, that’s what Gordon imagined. Gordon could hear Dr. McAiden’s voice over the intercom, “Testing. Testing, One, Two, Three. Okay, everything seems to be in order.” Dr. Heissen put his voice on, “All right, Gordon. Your suit should keep you comfortable through all of this. Your specimen will be delivered to you in a few moments. If you would be so kind as to climb up and start the rotors, we could start it up, and you can wait until your carrier arrives.” Gordon climbed the ladder and stood on the cage-like metal walkway he was standing on. This was like the one he noticed when he arrived at Black Mesa, but this one was attached to the wall. Gordon made his way to a control desk where a button previously hidden under a glass lid automatically opened. Gordon pushed the button. The barrels around the blocks started to rotate around in a circle. The floor and the ceiling were now connected by a vertical electric beam. “Very good. We’ll take it from here,” said Heissen. “Power to stage-one emitters in three, two, one,” McAiden said before the generator, or the thing with the blocks, created a laser beam that connected the barrels to the ceiling. “I’m seeing predictable phaser rays. Stage-two emitters activating… now!” The barrels beamed the floor now. “Gordon we cannot predict how long the system can operate at this level, nor how long the reading will take. Please, work as quickly as you can,” said Heissen. McAiden recorded, “Overhead capacitors to one-oh-five percent… Uh, it’s probably not a problem… probably, but I’m showing a full discrepancy of… well, no I’m sure it’s well within executable bounds again. Sustaining sequence.” “I’ve just been informed that the sample is ready, Gordon,” said Heissen. “It should be coming up to you any moment now.” Gordon was confident now. The sample arrived in a cage. The cage lowered, giving Gordon a better view of the specimen. The specimen was a green crystal-like item about the size of a beach ball, carried by a smaller version of the robot he saw earlier, with wheels. It all arrived right next to the Generator, so it was easy to put in. Gordon pushed the crystal held side of the robot into the Generator’s slot. The Generator started to emit sparks everywhere, and Gordon was pretty sure that wasn’t supposed to happen when Heissen yelled, “Oh, dear! Gordon, get away from the beam!” McAiden began reporting, “Shutting down! Attempting shut down! It’s not… It… It’s not shutting down! It’s not-” Gordon heard the scientists scream as a beam hit through the overwatch window. They weren’t talking anymore and Gordon new why. Suddenly, Figures appeared from the beams, and Gordon heard sounds he had never heard before. Gordon ran over to the door and pounded on it. Then all he could see was black. The only thing he could hear was his heavy breathing. Seconds later he was back in the test chamber, catastrophe still spreading. He was then shot by a beam, and now he saw creatures he’d never seen before. He was on another planet. His vision disappeared again, and he turned around to see one-eyed human-like creatures praying in a lightened circle in the midst of total blackness. They seemed to ignore him. It was then he teleported back to the chamber and realized something terrible had gone wrong. He was responsible for this. His fear had come true.
 
To be honest, you've just badly re-written the first part of Half Life.

There isn't really any creativity at all in this - try focusing your creative energy on doing something new, perhaps within the Half Life universe if that's something you'd be interested in.
 
Well I sort of was trying to re-write the story...
 
Well I sort of was trying to re-write the story, and thank you for using the word "badly."

Well, you didn't.

Also you need to work on your... well, erm... writing. So that it becomes... you know... not quite so bad?

A few things:
1: You're mixing tenses like crazy. "“Hey Mr. Freeman,” said Barney, the head security guard. Barney and Gordon have been friends since they were in high school."
2: Gordon does not have a Ph.D and MIT, he has a Ph.D from MIT.
3: Your descriptions suck. I don't need to know exactly how the rooms look, I don't need to hear stupid-ass descriptions like; "Gordon stepped out on to the small bridge walkway suspended over what appears to be an endless abyss.", which btw mixes tenses again. Another wonderful example:
Gordon also saw a few creepy faces. One of them wore a blue suit and had an exhausted face, who would stare at Gordon whenever he had the chance.
First of all, the face did not wear a suit, let's be crystal clear on that. Secondly, the face could not have an exhausted face, unless it is some terrible mutant. Thirdly, you really need to work on how you write.
4: In what ****ed-up LSD world are vortigaunts human-like?
 
Ooooh.

Well it's good, I'd stick with it, but maybe try it from a different perspective, there's no room for creativity by telling it from Gordon's perspective. Eveybody knows (& loves) Gordon's story. Why not write from from say, Dr. Kleiners perspective or Eli's?

Stick with it anyway dude, as they say.

"Practice makes perfect"
 
Paragraphs before I read that trash.
 
JUL3,
Thanks for being cool, and not an asshole. For the rest of you who said it sucked it wasn't going to be like my life project or something. I just posted this on my own free time. But thanks for the advice i guess... I also was considering making this in a different perspective, and obviously I don't have much story writing experience. As JUL3 said, practice makes perfect.

P.S. I know i did **** up the thing about the Vortigaunts lol
 
JUL3,
Thanks for not being cool, and not an asshole. For the rest of you who said it sucked it wasn't going to be like my life project or something. I just posted this on my own free time. But thanks for the advice i guess... I also was considering making this in a different perspective, and obviously I don't have much story writing experience. As JUL3 said, practice makes perfect.

P.S. I know i did **** up the thing about the Vortigaunts lol

Paragraphs.
 
If you're really interested in writing, I suggest taking an English class or two (or paying more attention in English, if you're still in school).

I didn't read far into that (use paragraphs, damn it), but it seems like there are a lot of fairly simple changes that could be made to improve it greatly (PARAGRAPHS). Also, don't mix tenses.

Also, criticism is a good thing. If you post your work expecting nothing but praise you'll be very disappointed. Criticism helps you learn what you're doing wrong, and how you can improve (paragraphs). As long as it's constructive, anyway.
 
Yeah... sure... They were in paragraphs until I copied and pasted them here. IDK why...
Well it's totally unreadable without them like.

But why not try again with another chapter, taking the advice you've gotten on board. You're obviously young so don't let this put you off writing. Just have a little more respect for your readers and make it easier on your eyes and you'll get better feedback next time.

Good luck anyway.
 
Well, I do not expect everyone to love it. I just posted it to release my creativity. Plus, I respect the readers, but when they flame me cause I don't have paragraphs, of course I'm not going to be happy.

P.S. I pasted the story like this, it was in paragraphs. And it would be a pain in the ass to change it back.
 
To be honest, it is difficult to write the story from someone else's perspective because they are not there all the time, therefore large chunks of the story would be missing. I know this is really just the first chapter, but even so, characters such as Kleiner and ELi aren't there the whole time. If he were to re-write more-or-less the whole story again it would be impossible to write from anyone's view other than Freeman's.
 
Well, I do not expect everyone to love it. I just posted it to release my creativity. Plus, I respect the readers, but when they flame me cause I don't have paragraphs, of course I'm not going to be happy.

P.S. I pasted the story like this, it was in paragraphs. And it would be a pain in the ass to change it back.
I was originally going to tell you to '**** off' but I'm trying to be a more positive person so I won't.

What you need to learn though is that if you want good feedback, you must have respect for your readers. You've clearly put a lot of effort into this chapter, but it is very very hard to read to the point where most people probably didn't even bother. I know I didn't even read the first sentence.

I would like to though, but why should I paragraph it for you? No good piece of writing in my experience has ever came in a block of text.
 
I think we all want to say this is a good interpretation, not that it isn't. I myself respect your work but the thing is, putting together some proper grammar will do miracles, trust me.
I totally disagree of making the environments less detailed, just.. try not to mix tenses. Oh and I also disagree of re-writing the story just to be from another point of view, perspective that is. Gordon's view in Black Mesa is probably the best anyone could think of for the specific game. It's just that the people who are going to read your work will not necessary be gamers - they might not have an interest in PCs at all (and Half-Life is what they're missing).

If you really listen to the people here at HL2.net and accept their criticism, you might even write a full blown Half-Life novel some day.. really looking forward to it. :)
 
I think we all want to say this is a good interpretation, not that it isn't. I myself respect your work but the thing is, putting together some proper grammar will do miracles, trust me.
I totally disagree of making the environments less detailed, just.. try not to mix tenses. Oh and I also disagree of re-writing the story just to be from another point of view, perspective that is. Gordon's view in Black Mesa is probably the best anyone could think of for the specific game. It's just that the people who are going to read your work will not necessary be gamers - they might not have an interest in PCs at all (and Half-Life is what they're missing).

If you really listen to the people here at HL2.net and accept their criticism, you might even write a full blown Half-Life novel some day.. really looking forward to it. :)

Thanks, guys, really. I am taking your advice in to consideration. I'm also happy that anyone did it at all. This is useful for future stories I might write. i am almost certain, though that I will never publish a book. It's just not my thing. It's just fun sometimes to write something that I understand. No one else has to, but that is why I posted here, to learn.

I was also thinking about someone who hasn't played the game, too. I agree with the 'mixing tenses' thing, I was aware of that when I wrote this, but like I said before, I'm no expert story writer and I am pretty bad at describing things. But thanks to all who have helped, and I hope you have a good day. :)
 
keyboarde.jpg
 
Mutoid Man looked at thread titles and saw "Half-Life Novel" with someons writing on it that said "U SHUDNT COME HERE." So Mutoid Man almost turned around but then heard screaming like forum mods so he went faster again.
 
Thanks, guys, really. I am taking your advice in to consideration. I'm also happy that anyone did it at all. This is useful for future stories I might write. i am almost certain, though that I will never publish a book. It's just not my thing. It's just fun sometimes to write something that I understand. No one else has to, but that is why I posted here, to learn.

I was also thinking about someone who hasn't played the game, too. I agree with the 'mixing tenses' thing, I was aware of that when I wrote this, but like I said before, I'm no expert story writer and I am pretty bad at describing things. But thanks to all who have helped, and I hope you have a good day. :)

Practice makes perfect. Keep writing and you'll find yourself getting better and better at it, as with anything else.

You might not want to make a career out of it, but if you get good enough you could always try selling short stories for some extra cash. I know at least a few magazines are still buying, though I can't remember the names of any.
 
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