Post your favorit joke

Yo mama is so greasy that she uses bacon as band-aids.
Yo moma's head is so small, that when she got her ear pierced, she died.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
You take your boots off when you jump on a trampoline.
 
How does an elephant get out of a tree? He hangs on a leaf and waits till autumn.

How do you fit 5 elephants in a car? 2 in the front, 3 in the back, stupid.

:D
 
How do you fit a bear in a refrigerator?


Open the door, put the bear inside, and close the door. Duh.
 
Qwert93 said:
How do you fit a bear in a refrigerator?


Open the door, put the bear inside, and close the door. Duh.
Click to expand...
Ok, honestly. Those captain obvious jokes are getting rather dull now. :sleep:
 
What did Hitler say when he wanted his men to get in the tanks?
Man the tanks men
What did Tarzan say when he say the elephants?
Hm, look its the elephants
How do you kill a chicken with a broken leg?
Shoot it in the head
 
Murray said:
Ok, honestly. Those captain obvious jokes are getting rather dull now. :sleep:
Click to expand...

Sorry. Here's some lame jokes:

What birds spend all their time on their knees ?
Birds of prey.

What do you call a very rude bird ?
A mockingbird.

What kind of bull doesn't have horns ?
A bullfrog.


Hey, I did it was lame. ;)
 
Qwert93 said:
How do you fit a bear in a refrigerator?


Open the door, put the bear inside, and close the door. Duh.
Click to expand...

Allow me to tell it right (it's more of a riddle, but still pretty funny).


Q: How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

A: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door.


Q: How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

A: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.


Q: The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?

A: The elephant doesn’t attend the animal conference. He’s is in the refrigerator.


Q: There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?

A: You swim across the river. All the crocodiles are attending the Lion King's conference.
Click to expand...
 
ahahahaha, that's good.

now, if only I can make myself remember it.
 
Ennui said:
ahahahaha, that's good.

now, if only I can make myself remember it.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I'll remember it when I'm wasted, start to tell it and completely ruin it. It's just a matter of time :D
 
why did the boy fall off his bike?
























because someone threw a fridge at him...
 
Why did Betty fall off her bike?
Because Betty had no legs
Why did Betty fall off the swing?
Because Betty had no arms
Why did Betty die?
Because someone droped a safe on Betty
 
ríomhaire said:
Why did Betty fall off her bike?
Because Betty had no legs
Why did Betty fall off the swing?
Because Betty had no arms
Why did Betty die?
Because someone droped a safe on Betty
Click to expand...
I understand why you have a warnings level of 6 now. :p
 
How do you make a dead baby float?

Two scoops of ice-cream and a dead baby.
 
oldagerocker said:
What part of a vegetable can't you eat?

The Wheelchair
Click to expand...
And the feeding tube. ;)









"Hurt me," said the masochist. "No," said the sadist.




---------




How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
It dosen't matter, they're never going to change anything.




---------




Why was Hellen Keller such a bad driver?
Because she was a woman!




--------




What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing. You already told her twice.




-------




A Flasher is walking in a park and sees two old women and exposes himself. One has a stroke; the other can't reach it.




-------




Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other "You drive. I'll man the guns."




-------




How many dyslexics does it change to take a lightbulb?





------



A recent study revealed that 85% of all Japanese men have cataracts.
The rest drive Rincons and Chevrorays.




-------




What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye deer.
 
oldagerocker said:
What part of a vegetable can't you eat?

The Wheelchair
Click to expand...

In the same vein of taste:

What turns a fruit into a vegetable?

AIDS
 
More lame jokes!


What's red and green and goes 100 mph?

A frog in a blender.

What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?

Beat it! We're closed.

What's silver and red and waddles into walls?

A hungry zombie baby with forks in its eyes.

More to come! :D
 
What to you call a gay bar with no seats?
A fruit stand.

When your mother goes out to get the mail, it measure on the richter scale.

Yo mamma is so fat, she needs her own ZIP code.

An old woman wants to commit sucide. She goes to her doctor and asks, "Where is hy Heart?" The doctor answers "right under you left breast." The woman come back the next day and says, "Dr. i did shot under my left breast, but i didn't die." The Dr. Says, "lemme se" The old woman exposes her foot.

A personal Experiance that is so funny friends try to use it as a joke.

This girl is sitting and looks up and she sees me staring at her boobs, (i was trying to read the shirt) and she says "Hey stop looking at my tits!" I look up, and i say, "fine then, don't stare at my crotch." (She was too, which made it even more funny.)
 
This is a pretty popular joke in my school:

How did the man escape when he was behind bars?

He ate the chocolate bars. :D
 
Oh...
The only action a redneck gets is from his rifle.

To ensure maximum performance from your Dasiy 853 rifle, you must remember to let her breathe for 4 seconds in between pumps. (From Daisy maitenece video)
 
True story.

My uncle was at a bar having fun, getting a little drunk. He saw a hot chick, went up to her, and said "Hi there." Before he could say anything else, she looked him up and down and said "Listen buddy, I only do 9 inches."

To which he replied, "Well, I aint foldin' it in half for anybody.'
 
Two guys go into a whore house, and it's been a pretty busy night for them, and there is only one whore left. So the owner is thinking, 'shit, what do I do?' So she calls the first guy over, gives him a whore and leads him to a room. Then the owner blows up a blowup doll and gives it to the second guy and leads him to a room. Fifteen minuites later, the two guys walk out of the room, but the second guy is empty-handed.

"How was yours?" the second guy asks
"Amazing, yours?"
"I think mine was a whitch"
"A whitch? Don't be dumb! Why do you think that?"
"Well I tried to be kinky, so i bit her tit, she farted and flew out the window!"
 
ship said:
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?



















































































Because he was dead.
Click to expand...
Ah but why did the cat fall out of the tree?























































Because it was stapled to the monkey.

And why did the tree fall over?














































Because it thought it was a game
 
recent studies reveal that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population...

he who laughs last thinks slowest

where is change not inevitable? from a vending machine...

what happends to those who live by the sword? they get shot from those who dont

nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool

the 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

why does light travel faster than sound?? because some people seem bright until you hear them speak..

what is a fine? a tax for doing something wrong
what is tax? a fine for doing well

the early bird gets the worm right? but its the second mouse that gets the cheese...
 
"Der ver zwei peanuts, valking down der strasse, and von vas...assaulted! Peanut." - Hitler







I miss Monty Python...
 
3 men go to the doctor to consult about their addictions

one is a chain smoker
one is a alcoholic
one is gay

The doctor tells them all that if they will not stop with their addictions they will die

After that they all go to the bar and have a talk.
"Guyz we really have to stop our addictions", says the Gay man.

"I can't take it anymore!" the alcoholic says and buys a drink.

He takes a sip and dies

After seeing what has happened, the gay man and the chain smoker walk out of the bar hastely.

On the way out of the bar the chainsmoker sees a cigarrete butt on the ground. "Man I can't take this anymore i have to take a drag", he says.

The gay man says: "If you bend down we're both gonna die"
 
^ LOL

A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and after looking around for a while selects a title that sounds very stimulating.

She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen. She got so mad and called the video store to complain.

Blonde: "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape, but static."

Store Clerk: "Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"

Blonde: "It's called, Head Cleaner."
 
How do you shoot a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun.
How do you shoot a red elephant?
With a red elephant gun?
No. You hold its nose untill it turns blue then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
 
BEST OEN EVER
dfsfddf0tu.jpg
 
Yo mamas so ugly she gave Freddy Kreuger a nightmare. Yo mamas so poor a man saw her on a skateboard moving as fast as she could and he asked where she was going.She said to work.
 
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