Bruise Removal

if it'll make you feel better we can spoon ...you may get another hickey but I'm not promising anything
 
Wear a scarf and say you have some sort of muscle injury that requires constant insulation.
 
I'm going to give you the dumbest advice. Tell your SO what you did. Explain it to her calmly and be ready to accept whatever outcome that may produce. Steel yourself son.
 
Maybe if you actually say what happened, we can give relevant advice.
 
Accidents happen, and a passionate kiss can lead to that telltale mark of love: a hickey. Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do about this affliction. A hickey is nothing more than a bruise, and like all bruises it just needs some time to heal. You can, however, try a few tricks to make it fade faster.

Once the blood has stopped spreading around the bruise, apply heat, which dilates blood vessels and thus speeds up the sweeping away of blood cells. In most cases, moist heat is more effective than dry heat, because the moisture helps wick the heat beneath the skin.

Use a nickel, get it wet so it's painless, and rub it up and down your hickey. The key is to get the blood circulating again, so don't use ice because ice slows down circulation. Use a paper towel and get it wet with hot water and hold. Repeat until you see no more broken blood vessels. Voila!

Apply concealer in a shade that's lighter than your natural skin color and discreet enough to fend off unwanted attention. If you can cover or tone down a hickey, it serves the same purpose as getting rid of it.

Remember that if all else fails, nothing beats a turtleneck sweater - or a scarf in summer.

To avoid getting a hickey in the first place, kiss a little more gently.
 
I'm actually not looking for advice unless you guys have advice on getting rid of this hickey. Aside from that I got it covered.
 
noo-noo.jpg
 
When are you gonna meet her? Hickeys usually don't last that long. (Then again, the girl in this case could be exceptional, what do I know.)
 
Put a plaster on it and say you cut yourself. What, is she gonna check? Or two plasters to make the impression that it's covering a long cut, rather than a small hickey.
 
lol you crazy polish and your plasters.
 
Krynn72 said:
lol you crazy polish and your plasters.
Click to expand...

You made me double-check if it's called a plaster in English as well.

Also, toaster's consciousness streams have a similar effect to blocks of text on me. I read read read read....-- "ah, **** this!", onto the next post.

(it's kinda cute, tho)
 
Put a band-aid over it and tell her that you nicked yourself shaving.

If she's the type to ask to see the cut, then you might have to change your story.
In that case, scrape it up a bit more so it looks less like a hickey then mumble something about messing around with powertools. Good luck!
 
Mimsta said:
Put a band-aid over it and tell her that you nicked yourself shaving.

If she's the type to ask to see the cut, then you might have to change your story.
In that case, scrape it up a bit more so it looks less like a hickey then mumble something about messing around with powertools. Good luck!
Click to expand...

So we're back to the penny idea, are we?
 
No Limit said:
This is starting to sound like one of those gay relationship advice threads.
Click to expand...

Hahahahah because "owww guys I have a bwuise" is totally MASCULINE.

On the subject of MASCULINE MANLINESS, tell her what happened. And show her this thread. Show her how much you ran around trying to keep her happy.
 
Somethin' goin on lemme smelll yo dickk
 
^ Reminds me:

Put a band-aid over it and tell her that you nicked yourself shaving.

If she's the type to ask to see the cut, then you might have to change your story.
In that case, scrape it up a bit more so it looks less like a hickey then mumble something about messing around with powertools. Good luck!
Click to expand...

If this actually happened she'd be one paranoid mother****er.
 
Burn down the house. If you create an event catastrophic enough, it can reduce the seeming importance of your actions. For example, tell her you're pregnant.

"Yes, it's a hickey, but I have AIDS. Not such a big deal anymore is it?"
 
I had quite a wish-someone-was-filming-at-the-time moment when it came to the last big bruise I had.

My nephews were in the bath and we were sat having dinner. One of them screamed (turned out it was a spider in the corner of the cieling), but I half walked half ran into the bathroom, and naturally they had gotten out at some point leaving water pools here and there.

I happened to slip on one as I was only wearing socks, legs came out right from under me and I flinged my arms around to grab anything as I fell backward. I ended up hitting the shower door with my back, which is one of those curved sliding ones shaped a big like an S and made of glass/clear glass-like plastic (dont know the name of the material used for showers), pushing it off the rollers, and I fell inside.

Unfortunately, theres a bit of a barrier/step where the bottom roller goes and it sticks up a bit like a rail, but made of a type of solid metal. My right leg, just below the ass cheek landed right on it with my full weight.
To add insult to injury, as I had hit the bottom of the door causing it to be flicked inward into the shower, the top part just shot straight down like a see-saw and landed on my chest and head.

Few days later, the bruise was unbelievable. Ive never seen anything like it. The round part of the bruise was a combination of red, blue and deep purple, and about the size of a watermelon.

But, because of the bruising, the blood followed gravity and ran down my right leg and thigh, so my bruise now looked like I had been shot with the mother of all paintballs and the paint was slowly running down my leg.

Moral of the story? Dont let your sister have kids.
 
lol, I picture No Limit, looking like his avatar, rubbing his hickey while reading this thread cursing out loud. It does really sound like you posted it just so you could say you finally got a hickey... we gave you all the possible way's out, choose one or tell us how it went.
 
Draw all sorts of random sharpie shit on your neck to cover it. When she asks wtf happened, tell her you passed out drunk last night and woke up with that shit all over, and be all "**** there's some on my neck too? Dammit, I must have missed it when I showered".
 
sinkoman said:
Draw all sorts of random sharpie shit on your neck to cover it. When she asks wtf happened, tell her you passed out drunk last night and woke up with that shit all over, and be all "**** there's some on my neck too? Dammit, I must have missed it when I showered".
Click to expand...


This seems like the best option, btw.

The more dicks you draw, the more believable it would be that you were at a frat-boy party.

Kegger brooo
 
Got up too quickly and jarred your neck on a cupboard door corner.
Nuff said.
 
turn the lights out, sensually harass your friend, make her suck your neck, then turn the lights on and show her your suck wound... done.
 
Some old dude threw his cane at you like a spear.
 
**** it, plenty more pussy at the rspca.
 
When I had this happen, the girl had some cover up I used for the next two days that blended it in perfectly with me skin. I realize it's a shitty way to do it and may make you feel homosexual, but it worked charms and no one noticed it at all.
 
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