Retail Shenanigans

[-Psy-]

Recently I started in a temp job at WHSmiths and over the 4 weeks I've been there I've come across some weirdness.

First day on the job I serve someone dressed up as the Master Chief.

Last Wednesday a man was standing outside the shop in the mall with a pram which had a crying baby. I was serving this old guy and then he said, "Bloody pakis. What does he want? More benefits?". :|

On Sunday I served this elderley women and she smelt like a mixture of vomit and shite. The worst thing was that the smell lingered a couple of minutes after she left. :x

 

[evil^milk]

You should've shot the man.

And eaten the old woman, if you know what I mean :naughty:

What's a WHSmiths btw?

 

[Citrus]

Bookshop.

 

[Reginald]

When I used to work for a garden centre, this guy came in about once a month and gave me a 5 pound tip saying I didn't get paid enough. He had a wife and everything so I'm not sure what he was after...

 

[Stigmata]

When I worked as a stockboy at a grocery store, I once had a rickety old man with a walker come in the door and ask me to show him where the peanut butter was. This all seemed fairly normal to me, until the scent of urine and baby oil hit me like a tsunami. It was overwhelming. What's more, I was in aisle 5, and the peanut butter was at the front of aisle 1.

From the front door, you have to walk past aisle 1 to get to aisle 5.

So he asks me, in a soft and slightly creepy voice "Can you show me where the peanut butter is?" I respond, "uhh... Sure, it's at the front of aisle 1, right by where you came in."

"But can you show me?"

I stare at him for a second, wondering if he really is serious, and slowly say, "Okay, just uh, follow me." I start to walk across the front aisle, but I remember that he's in a walker and looks like he might break from the sub-sonic wake if I move too fast, so I start walking slower. I look over my shoulder to make sure he's there, and he is. And he seems to be grinning a bit. I notice how I'm taking very slow steps and walking very fluidly. Something seems wrong.

So I walk beside him instead. His grin is gone.

We make it to the peanut butter shelves, and I ask him if he needs any more help. He responds "Could you show me the crunchy peanut butter?" I point to the rows of crunchy peanut butter, all lined up by brand. And yet again, he asks "But could you show me?" I get in trouble if I don't help the customers, so I sigh, bend over - mistake number two - and grab a couple different jars.

I show them to him. He watches them - or my hands? - and ponders. Then he asks if I could "show" him the smooth peanut butter. His voice somehow becomes even softer when he asks this. I grab a few jars of smooth peanut butter and replace the crunchy ones; I make a point of crouching, rather than bending and inadvertently "getting his attention". He looks at the jars I picked out, and when I show him the last one, he says "That one looks fine to me" and reaches out to grab it. His hand manages to lightly stroke mine as he curls his fingers around the jar. I look past him and say "There you go, if you need any more help I'm sure someone at the front desk will be able to help you."

He showed up occasionally during the next month. I was always on break.

 

[Krynn72]

When I used to work for a garden centre, this guy came in about once a month and gave me a 5 pound tip saying I didn't get paid enough. He had a wife and everything so I'm not sure what he was after...

Your lucky charms.


I used to work at a Sears. Nothing terribly strange haapened, but we did have this old couple who came in to the tools department (where I worked) every week. Both of them got angry every time, because they smelled strongly of urine, and whenever we saw them, everyone scrammed. Seiously, they must have pissed on themselves constantly, because if you were just 3 feet from them, it was like you were sticking your nose into a bucket of piss. I almost vomited the first time i met them.

Oh, and also, a customer we pissed off took a dump of the bathroom floor.

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

When I worked as a stockboy at a grocery store, I once had a rickety old man with a walker come in the door and ask me to show him where the peanut butter was. This all seemed fairly normal to me, until the scent of urine and baby oil hit me like a tsunami. It was overwhelming. What's more, I was in aisle 5, and the peanut butter was at the front of aisle 1.

From the front door, you have to walk past aisle 1 to get to aisle 5.

So he asks me, in a soft and slightly creepy voice "Can you show me where the peanut butter is?" I respond, "uhh... Sure, it's at the front of aisle 1, right by where you came in."

"But can you show me?"

I stare at him for a second, wondering if he really is serious, and slowly say, "Okay, just uh, follow me." I start to walk across the front aisle, but I remember that he's in a walker and looks like he might break from the sub-sonic wake if I move too fast, so I start walking slower. I look over my shoulder to make sure he's there, and he is. And he seems to be grinning a bit. I notice how I'm taking very slow steps and walking very fluidly. Something seems wrong.

So I walk beside him instead. His grin is gone.

We make it to the peanut butter shelves, and I ask him if he needs any more help. He responds "Could you show me the crunchy peanut butter?" I point to the rows of crunchy peanut butter, all lined up by brand. And yet again, he asks "But could you show me?" I get in trouble if I don't help the customers, so I sigh, bend over - mistake number two - and grab a couple different jars.

I show them to him. He watches them - or my hands? - and ponders. Then he asks if I could "show" him the smooth peanut butter. His voice somehow becomes even softer when he asks this. I grab a few jars of smooth peanut butter and replace the crunchy ones; I make a point of crouching, rather than bending and inadvertently "getting his attention". He looks at the jars I picked out, and when I show him the last one, he says "That one looks fine to me" and reaches out to grab it. His hand manages to lightly stroke mine as he curls his fingers around the jar. I look past him and say "There you go, if you need any more help I'm sure someone at the front desk will be able to help you."

He showed up occasionally during the next month. I was always on break.

I couldn't help but picture you caressing the old man in your arms while changing his diaper with one hand and holding his hand with the other.

In a normal human being's words, I lol'd. Good job Dave, you made me piss you son of a ho.

 

[Bad^Hat]

<creepy stuff>

:O

?

 

[Stigmata]

Precisely.

:O

 

[Darkside55]

Used to work at a game store. Got a couple weirdos, lots of hyperactive kids, but by far my favorite story walked in one lazy afternoon. Me and a coworker were standing around the counter, chatting it up and half-listening to the Pokemon VHS that Nintendo paid us to loop every ten minutes, when this preteen comes in. We ask if there's anything he needs help with, he asks where the used PS games are, and we point him over to the wall. We go back to chatting.

Couple minutes later, the kid's talking to himself. I see him first out of the corner of my eye, and then we just stop talking altogether to turn around and watch this kid. He's got a game in one hand, and a game in another hand, and he's talking to himself, getting progressively louder.

Until he starts yelling at himself.

And at this point we're stunned, don't know what to do, but apparently one of his multiple personalities turned violent and he SMACKS HIMSELF IN THE FACE WITH ONE OF THE GAME BOXES. And suddenly he's aware of where he is, turns around to face us, drops the boxes, and dashes out of the store.

Man, when the second shift came in (the only other two workers), we closed down the store for twenty minutes to go in the back and watch the security tape of it, laughing our heads off.

 

[Phobie]

Where abouts is this WH Smith? Not because I'm going to come and ladyrape you but because wtf, racism and vomit and shit, OH MY!

 

[-Psy-]

It's in Merry Hill. Don't go there. D:

 

[Baserape>]

I love droping silent bombs at the checkout and walking off.

I go to merry hill once in a while, be prepaired to smell my shit in the next month or so.

:angry:

 

[Druckles]

Are WHSmiths just a UK thing?

 

[Instinct]

I love droping silent bombs at the checkout and walking off.

I go to merry hill once in a while, be prepaired to smell my shit in the next month or so.

:angry:

Same here.

 

[Acepilotf14]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JW25Wi-lLBU

 

[Raziaar]

Wow. that's crazy. I'm disappointed in the resulting fireball though. Hollywood made me expect so much more.

LOL at the guy frantically trying to open his car door to get the **** out of there.

 

[Krynn72]

Holy shit, that clerk was like 1 inch away from being decapitated. Its a good thing she didnt loose her head.

 

[Bad^Hat]

Holy shit, that clerk was like 1 inch away from being decapitated. Its a good thing she didnt loose her head.

Lucky thing she stayed ahead of the situation.

 

[Druckles]

Geez... when will these head puns stop!

Oh, and if you want any more: http://www.punoftheday.com/cgi-bin/disppuns.pl?ord=S&cat=4&sub=0401&page=1

 

[Bad^Hat]

Pff, that was only two. You should hear us when someone actually gets decapitated.

 

[Darkside55]

Remember when we were doing all those foot puns? Someone had a count; how many was it, does anyone remember? It went on for pages.

 

[Druckles]

*decapitaes Bad^Hat*

hah! now try it!

Edit: No doubt it went on for several feet

 

[-Psy-]

Remember when we were doing all those foot puns? Someone had a count; how many was it, does anyone remember? It went on for pages.

And then Bullsquid_Sally came along and started accusing us of insulting her disabled sibling. Those were the days...

 

[Darkside55]

No no, we only really started AFTER she complained. It was her father who lost his legs, IIRC.

 

[Bad^Hat]

That thread was one of the only times I've ever found flaming to be absolutely hilarious.

We're such horrible people.

 

[jimbo118]

well not a job one but a gamestore related one. This was a good few years back, my birthday was coming up so i wanted to get some games, i was in GAME and picked up Mafia and Max Payne 2 in a deal.

While waiting to pay i noticed the kid infront of me(in his teens, about 15/16), he kept fidgetting and looking around frantically, i saw him as he went to pay and his face was sweating, he was really aware of it too, and kept saying ''ugh i'm boiling up hehe..heh'', the dude behind the counter gave a polite if awkward smile while looking at the till, he then asked did he meet the min.requirements etc to which the kid started telling him about his uber rig.

I could just tell that this kid spennt his whole days at his comp and only went out to buy new games, after he paid he almost ran out of the store :|

I almost felt like putting the game boxes back and leaving.

 

[Druckles]

*opens curtains*

 

[-Psy-]

I found it!

F*CK ALL OF YOU

I am new here, but I don't care, my dad lost both of his ****ing legs in the war.

Do you know how depressing it is to watch him struggle with simple daily tasks???

It breaks my heart to hear so many people laugh at someone who is disabled like my dad. I've been on a few sites like this before, but never have I read a thread this terrible.

Enjoy.

ON-TOPIC!: So this old lady came up to me yesterday to buy a newspaper then she started talking to me about the new BT Digital Reciever. I swear to ****ing God that she's a professional telemarketer.

 

[Ridge]

I used to work at an auto parts store...I sell this guy a set of brake pads, and like half an hour later I look out in the parking lot and there is this minivan out there with both its front wheels off, jacked up in a parking space...I go talk to the guy, and hes asking if he does this right...I keep telling him he has to bleed the brakes or they wont work, he grumbles and stomps the brake pedal a few times and says "There, i did it!" Im just like f*ck this, Im not gonna be responsible when he ends up in the back side of a big rig.

Another day these two guys walk in and just stand in the middle of the store...I go greet them, and they tell me they are looking for parts...they just stand there, not moving anything but their mouths, staring off at the back wall...I keep helping them, and notice a smell...these two guys reek of weed and are barely conscious...I almost gagged on the smell...eventually they pay for their stuff...they just throw a pile of $20s on the counter..I give them their change back....they are still staring off into space, and then they just walk out of there...was freakin weird...

 

[Solaris]

I saw some scruffy 15 year old loser in tescos today he walked up to the deodrant section, pretended to spray some to smell it, then sprayed it under his arm pit under his tshirt. Then smelled it again by spraying it into the air, then sprayed himself and pretended to smell a secound one.

****ing cheapskate.

 

[Tollbooth Willie]

I saw some scruffy 15 year old loser in tescos today he walked up to the deodrant section, pretended to spray some to smell it, then sprayed it under his arm pit under his tshirt. Then smelled it again by spraying it into the air, then sprayed himself and pretended to smell a secound one.

****ing cheapskate.

Should have jammed the can up his ass then sprayed it violently.