taviow
Tank
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2007
- Messages
- 3,171
- Reaction score
- 8
Op didn't post here much, but we used to talk a lot, nearly every day for the past 2 years, ever since we played Starcraft together for the first time. He was a real friend to me, and I always looked forward to another talk with him. He was really enthusiastic when it came to talking about his favorite subjects such as TF2, Starcraft, Lost, Farscape, Babylon 5. The conversation would NEVER end if you brought that up when you were talking with him.
Anyways, he didn't login to Steam or hl2.net for a few weeks. I just assumed he was too busy with uni or whatever to get online, even though I knew in the back of my mind what had happened, because it had happened before. A few months ago, he removed all friends from his Steam friends list, changed his name to Unnamed and removed his avatar, although I still managed to find his account because his SteamID had remained the same as it was before.
I sent him a few PMs, left a comment in his profile, and waited for him to show up. He eventually did, about 2 weeks later. He replied to my PM saying that he was in the hospital, and that he didn't want to explain it through PM, he wanted to tell me what happened on Steam. So I waited 2 more weeks, and he came back online. He then confessed to me he had made a suicide attempt and failed. We talked about it, told him that I had found him through his SteamID, and he seemed to have realized that there were indeed so many people around him who truly cared about him, and I told him I was one of them. He said he was fine, and that he wouldn't try it again.
Last month, though, the same thing happened. He removed me from his friends list, and I assume he also removed everyone else, and it seems he also changed his SteamID this time. For a few more weeks I waited, before realizing that I should look him up and see what happened. I used the only info he ever gave me, he was an incredibly private person who was almost never willing to share details about his life, or about how he felt, with other people. You'd never know if he was fine or if he was depressed. However he did provide me with enough details for me to look him up and get confirmation of what had happened - that he had killed himself. It didn't take much, I knew his name was Steven Williams as we used to email each other sometimes. I also knew his home town - Menzies Creek, Victoria, Australia. So I googled his name and his location, and I found these posts, which confirmed what I had been thinking.
But still that wasn't enough for me, I wanted some real confirmation that he was dead (because perhaps there was another Steven Williams from Menzies Creek?) so I actually contacted that friend of his that posted twice about his death. We talked about him, about who he was, and I told him a few things I knew about him. He confirmed that Steven was indeed a very private person, and that his RL friends didn't really know that much about him either. I then finally got the confirmation that I needed: we were indeed talking about the same person. And then it hit me, Op is indeed dead.
He was a wonderful Starcraft player (one of the best noobs among us, a match for Cyberpitz), and we talked about SC2, and we were looking forward to playing it. He was looking forward to the SP campaign, too. It really saddens me that he'll never get to play it. At least we played the beta together a few times.
Anyways, that's all I have to say. If anything this post shows that I do care very much about you guys, so please don't go dying on me. I'll stalk the hell out of you if you disappear.
So guess what: you guys are meaningful to me. I do care about you. I was sad when bvgasm died without ever getting to know him. I never expected to care this much back when I started interacting with the community. I don't believe this place is a waste of time, I've learned so much here, and laughed so much and got to know so many wonderful people, I can't even consider leaving. I can only be thankful for having found this place, and for everything you guys have done for me since then.
Thank you all, for everything.
EDIT: I put the links back since the guy doesn't seem to mind them.
Anyways, he didn't login to Steam or hl2.net for a few weeks. I just assumed he was too busy with uni or whatever to get online, even though I knew in the back of my mind what had happened, because it had happened before. A few months ago, he removed all friends from his Steam friends list, changed his name to Unnamed and removed his avatar, although I still managed to find his account because his SteamID had remained the same as it was before.
I sent him a few PMs, left a comment in his profile, and waited for him to show up. He eventually did, about 2 weeks later. He replied to my PM saying that he was in the hospital, and that he didn't want to explain it through PM, he wanted to tell me what happened on Steam. So I waited 2 more weeks, and he came back online. He then confessed to me he had made a suicide attempt and failed. We talked about it, told him that I had found him through his SteamID, and he seemed to have realized that there were indeed so many people around him who truly cared about him, and I told him I was one of them. He said he was fine, and that he wouldn't try it again.
Last month, though, the same thing happened. He removed me from his friends list, and I assume he also removed everyone else, and it seems he also changed his SteamID this time. For a few more weeks I waited, before realizing that I should look him up and see what happened. I used the only info he ever gave me, he was an incredibly private person who was almost never willing to share details about his life, or about how he felt, with other people. You'd never know if he was fine or if he was depressed. However he did provide me with enough details for me to look him up and get confirmation of what had happened - that he had killed himself. It didn't take much, I knew his name was Steven Williams as we used to email each other sometimes. I also knew his home town - Menzies Creek, Victoria, Australia. So I googled his name and his location, and I found these posts, which confirmed what I had been thinking.
But still that wasn't enough for me, I wanted some real confirmation that he was dead (because perhaps there was another Steven Williams from Menzies Creek?) so I actually contacted that friend of his that posted twice about his death. We talked about him, about who he was, and I told him a few things I knew about him. He confirmed that Steven was indeed a very private person, and that his RL friends didn't really know that much about him either. I then finally got the confirmation that I needed: we were indeed talking about the same person. And then it hit me, Op is indeed dead.
He was a wonderful Starcraft player (one of the best noobs among us, a match for Cyberpitz), and we talked about SC2, and we were looking forward to playing it. He was looking forward to the SP campaign, too. It really saddens me that he'll never get to play it. At least we played the beta together a few times.
Anyways, that's all I have to say. If anything this post shows that I do care very much about you guys, so please don't go dying on me. I'll stalk the hell out of you if you disappear.
So guess what: you guys are meaningful to me. I do care about you. I was sad when bvgasm died without ever getting to know him. I never expected to care this much back when I started interacting with the community. I don't believe this place is a waste of time, I've learned so much here, and laughed so much and got to know so many wonderful people, I can't even consider leaving. I can only be thankful for having found this place, and for everything you guys have done for me since then.
Thank you all, for everything.
EDIT: I put the links back since the guy doesn't seem to mind them.
